Jokes about Women

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An elderly lady decided she wanted the inside of her home painted so she looked in the newspaper and found an ad that said "No indoor house painting to small or large, call us right away!". The lady gave the man a call and the next day he came to her house.
The woman showed him the bedroom and said she wanted it painted light blue. He measured the room, wrote down the color, then he went to the front door and yelled out, "Green side up!"
Then they went to the kitchen and she asked for a light yellow color. The man wrote it down, went to the front door and again yelled, "Green side up!"
This went on for two other rooms with the man always going to the door and yelling "green side up" after they were done getting everything on paper. The woman asked the man how come after every room was finished he would go the front door and yell?
The man laughed and told her that he also does landscaping and that he had just hired three idiots to lay sоd across the street.
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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. Cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought, "I must be losing my mind. I swear we just went through a red light."
A few minutes later, they came to another intersection, and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. This time, the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was mistaken. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and yet they went right through. She turned to the woman driving and said,
"Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said,
"Oh, am I driving?"
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Santa Claus makes his way down the chimney, and is met by a lovely young woman in a robe. She says “Santa, how about giving me a special present. I know you’d like to come into my bedroom.” Santa responds “Но! Но! Но! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.”
The lovely young thing peels off her robe, revealing a skimpy negligee. Santa looks up from his sack of gifts, and she says “I’ve got something special for you Santa. Can’t you stay for just a little while? I know you want me. Let me make this Christmas eve unforgettable.”
Santa responds “Но! Но! Но! Gotta go. Gotta go. Gotta deliver all these toys to the children you know.”
Not to be denied, she strips off the negligee, revealing her naughty bits, and they were quite nice naughty bits, I might add. And she says “Santa, this is your last chance. This body is your gift.”
Santa responds “Hey! Hey! Hey! Gotta stay. Gotta Stay. Can’t get up the chimney with my diск this way!”
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