Women - Page 137

Four women were chatting in the locker room, when one of them mentioned the fact that while there were numerous terms for male маsтurватiоn, i. E. jerking off, spanking the monkey, slappin’ the salami and so on, there weren’t any common terms for female маsтurватiоn.
“I’ve always called it ‘jilling off,'” answered one of the women.
“But that’s just a feminization of ‘jacking off,'” criticised the first.
“You’re right,” another commented. “We DON’T seem to have any slang terms of our own for it.”
The fourth woman snorted. “After fourteen years of marriage, there’s only one thing I call it.”
“What’s that?”
“Finishing the job!” she responded.

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I've been in love with a woman for seventeen years...
My wife would кill me if she ever found out!

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

An elderly couple were considering marriage. The woman wanted to know how sexually active her future husband was and she asked him, "How active are you?"
The man replied, "Infrequently."
The woman thought for a minute then asked,
"Is that one word or two?"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

Why are black women so bad at cooking???????? The easiest answer is just look at every one of their kids, all overcooked and burnt............... HD24

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A distraught older woman is looking at herself in the mirror and crying. Her voice shakes as she says to her husband, "I'm so old. I'm so fат. I look horrible. I really need a compliment."
Her husband, determined to quickly give his beloved the comfort she needs, exclaims, "Dамn, do you have good eyesight!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Fat Jokes

What do you call a fат woman with a rаре whistle? …
Overly Optimistic.

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Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

Two women ran into the court of King Solomon, fighting. "My daughter was to marry this man, but this woman claims that the man was to marry HER daughter!" one of them yelled. "There is a simple solution," said the King. "I shall cut the man in two and each of your daughters can have a piece."
"Fine by me!" said the first woman. "No, don't, I would rather let the other girl marry him than that!" cried the second. The King didn't hesitate for a minute. "Fine." he said. "The first woman my have him."
"What?" protested the other? "She wanted him cut in two!"
"Indeed." said the king. "She shows the true spirit of a mother-in-law!"

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

And there's a reason for this, why men experience pain more acutely than women -- that's because there's always part of a woman's brain thinking about shoes.

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

I’m sick of people knocking on my door, begging.
There’s just been a woman asking for donations for a sреrм bank……..
I gave her a right fсuкing mouthful.

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Woman brought an old picture of her dead husband, wearing a hat, to the photographer. She wanted to know if the photographer could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head her husband parted his hair on.
"I forgot," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."

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Jokes about Women

The young woman sat in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally two men walked up to her. “I’m out of gas,” she purred. ‘Could you push me to the gas station?”
The men readily put their muscles to the car and rolled it several blocks. After a while, one looked up, exhausted, to see that they had just passed a filling station.
“How come you didn’t turn in?” he yelled.
“I never go there,” the girl shouted back. “They don’t have full service.’

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

So there is this boy who has a speaking disability. One day he goes down to the bakery and asks for a вuм, the person at the counter says "Don't you mean a bun?" The boy replies with yeah yeah whatever. He then decides to go down to the hardware store and asks for a fuск it, The person at the counter says "Don't you mean a bucket?" The boy replies with yeah yeah whatever. He then goes to the pet store to get a dog, he asks for a соск and spank it, The lady at the counter replies with "Don't you mean a cocker spaniel?" He replies with yeah yeah whatever. That afternoon he loses his dog, he goes up to a random woman and says
"Can you please hold my вuм and fuск it while I go find my соск and spank it?"

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Jokes about Women

A hot blonde woman is walking past a school with a pig in her hands A student yells "How did you get that"
The pig yells back "I won her in a raffle"

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Blonde Jokes

It's always been a dream of mine to get the minivan. I don't know about you guys, but when I was in a high school, my bedroom wall was covered in minivan posters. I had that popular one, where the pregnant woman is leaning against the hood, surrounded by 14 kids; the husband's in the back with a rifle in his mouth; the mother-in-law standing next to him -- 'You can do it.'

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Kids Jokes

What’s black, has 8 legs, and makes women scream?
Gang rаре.

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Being Asian and a woman definitely has its advantages. For example, when you’ve had a few drinks and have to drive home past midnight, you think you're driving perfectly fine, but in reality you're not. Next thing you know, there's a cop. The cop sees you and doesn’t even bother pulling you over, let alone giving you a ticket. Why? Well, he’s probably thinking, “This person’s not under the influence, it’s just an Asian woman driving!”

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes

I think men need to be married. Women are the other half of our brain. That's why God made us to be a couple. We come up with goofy ideas; the woman will think about that idea and the outcome and what can happen, stop you and save your life. That's why God made man and woman:
'Whoa, man! No!'

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

One cold winter day a boy was standing out side a shoe store praying to God for some socks or some shoes. Just them a lady walks up to him and says,
"Is there something that I can help you with?" He looks down at his feet,and says "well, I would like some shoes."
She grabs his hand and takes him in to the shoe store. She asks for a dozen pair of socks and a pair of shoes. They sit down; get the socks and shoes on. As the woman is getting up to leave, the boy says thank you, and she tells him that if he ever needs anything else, to not to be afraid to ask. So he asks, "Are you Gods wife?"

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes God Jokes

The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members.
“How are you feeling?” the visitor asked.
“Oh,” said the woman, “I’m just worried sick!”
“What are you worried about, dear?” her friend asked. “You look like you’re in good health. They are taking care of you, aren’t they?”
“Yes, they are taking very good care of me.”
“Are you in any pain?” she asked.
“No, I have never had a pain in my life.”
“Well, what are you worried about?” her friend asked again.
The woman leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry.
“Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I’m afraid they’re all wondering where I went.”

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Jokes about Women Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

“Doctor, doctor!” said the panic-stricken woman, “my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he’s swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?”
“Quite simple,” said the doctor calmly. “You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband’s mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite - haul it out.”
“Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I’ll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod’s head.”
“What do you want a cod’s head for?”
“Oh- I forgot to tell you. I’ve got to get the cat out first!”

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes