Women - Page 138

A woman has a medical at the doctors.
“You are grossly overweight,” he says.
- ”I want a 2nd opinion,” she exclaims.
- ” OK. You’re вlооdy ugly as well.”

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A woman having vision problems went to see an eye doctor. She said “Doctor I’m having trouble with my vision can you help me?” The doctor said “have a seat and I will give you an eye test”
The woman sat down and faced the wall in front of an eye chart. The doctor pointed to the last line and said “can you read this”.
The woman said, “Oh no doctor I can’t see that.” The doctor then pointed to another line and the woman again said “oh no doctor I can’t see that.” The doctor became frustrated and decided to move the woman closer to the eye chart.
He pointed to the top line on the chart and asked the woman can you see that now?” The woman said “Doctor I still can’t see that!”
Then the doctor unzipped his fly, pulled out his соск and said to the woman can you see that?”
The woman exclaimed,
“Oh doctor I can see that perfectly!”
The doctor said to the woman, “Oh that’s your trouble, you’re соск-eyed

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

A woman walks into the doctor’s surgery but doesn’t like the way he’s looking at her.
When he tells her to undress, she asks him to turn out the lights before she disrobes.
After he turns out the lights she asks, “Where will I put my clothes?”
“Hang them up over here,” he says, “next to mine.”

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes

I'm looking into a new health insurance plan. I thought, you know, I'm a woman, I should really ask if they cover abortions. Then I remembered I never have sеx. So, if I do get pregnant, I'd probably want to have the baby Jesus.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I see these two women on ‘Dr. Phil,’ and they’re arguing about whether or not killing sреrм constitutes abortion. … I hope not, because if so - me, the crusty sock under my bed and the Scott paper towel company - are going to jail.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

Why are ambulances better than women?
I’ve never had to wait for more than 45 minutes for an ambulance to come.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

Somehow we always think we are aging at a slower rate than everyone else, this was true of this older woman who is seeing a doctor for the first time. She was taken into a room and told to “make herself comfortable.”
While reading the doctor's diploma on the wall, she realizes that she went to high school with him many years ago. The doctor enters the room; he is very gray, and slightly веnт over from old age, and says, “Hello, how can I help you?”
The woman asks, “Did you attend Roosevelt High School?”
“Yes I did,” the doctor answered.
She asks, “Class of 49?”
“Yes, I was,” was the answered.
The woman was delighted, and said, “You were in my class!”
The doctor responded, “What did you teach?”

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Jokes about Women School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window.- Sydney
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn- Japan
One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator…- Boston
Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror- New York
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat- Italy
One hand on horn,
One hand greeting,
One ear on cell phone,
One ear listening to loud music,
Foot on accelerator,
Eyes on female pedestrians,
Conversation with someone in the car.
- Welcome to India!!

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes

What do you call a female postal worker in china?
Mai Ling

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Women are natural born artist. From drawing eyebrows to drawing conclusions.

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Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes

A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance.
Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is meeee..."
"Fred," she answered. I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?"
"Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do, all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over."
"Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried.
"Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes

We have this other friend, he's a homophobe. Now it's really weird 'cause the three of us, we can't hang out together. We can't be in the same room 'cause you know the homophobe's like, 'Hey, I'm not hanging out with him. He's going to try and have sеx with me.' Why would he want that? 'Because he's gаy and I'm a guy.' Dude, women don't want to f**k you. You don't appeal to heterosexuals. Now you think you're homolicious? What's wrong with you?

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

Next time a woman tries to defend her insane weight gain with, “Well, I’ve had two children.”
Reply with, what? for Breakfast?”

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Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

I have a friend that's a nurse, and she said sometimes women will put on a full face of makeup before they go under for an operation. This doesn't seem right to me. My mother told me only two things to remember when I was growing up. She said, 'One: don't smoke on the street; that doesn't look good. Two: when unconscious in a room full of strangers, try not to look too attractive.'

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes

When the man first noticed that his реnis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.
While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, though rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.
The patient’s wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.
“How long will he be on crutches?” she asked.
“Crutches???” the doctor asked.
“Well, yes,” the woman said “You are going to lengthen his legs, aren’t you?”

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

On 60th birthday of salma in Lahore Pakistan. Everyone was admired her.
In goodwill speech rednecks told " Salma is a complete woman.
Friends later asked about it.
He says" she adores Anant which was her platonic love.
She is thankful to alim who married her.
She don't forget aslam with whom she had first sеx.
She is excited about abdul who was her long time lover.
She also praises wajid for children she had in her life.
And she also craves for sеx with biber in her dreams.
Isn't she a complete woman.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

A man not knowledgeable of antiques, or their history, was standing next to a woman who was looking at a century old painting. As she stood admiring the priceless painting she said to the man that the painting went back to Louie The Fourteenth. The man replied to her that that was nothing, that he has a couch that goes back to Sears the 15th.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

A woman is like a game of pool.
It’s game over once the black’s gone in.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

The Реnis Study. The American Government funded a study to see why the head of a man's реnis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason that the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sеx. After the US published the study, the French decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and three years of research, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the woman more pleasure during sеx. Canadians, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After two weeks and a cost of around $75.46, and two cases of вееr, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting himself in the forehead.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sex Jokes

God did not intend for a woman to weigh 90 pounds, alright? If you do, you are in third grade. Me, personally, I think the only thing that should weigh 90 pounds is maybe one full grown тiттy.

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes