Women - Page 150

Father Pedro was called to a house to attempt to expel an evil spirit from an elderly woman. He brought an assistant pastor to help with the procedure. The woman's daughter answered the door and motioned to where her mother was sitting. The Father walked over to the woman, waved a cross, and shouted, "Out, demon!"
He then tore off his robe, revealing running shoes and jogging shorts. Then, he rushed out the door and ran a quick mile around the block. Returning to the house and donning his robe, he went over to the woman and shouted, "Out, you filthy devil!"
And again, after removing his priest's outfit, he was out the door to run another mile. The old woman's daughter was confused about the priest's behavior and asked the assistantpastor, "What in the world is going on here?"
To which the pastor answered, "Oh, that's just the way Father Pedro exorcises!"

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A lady sitting in first class saw the cockpit door open, she was incredulous to see that the pilot was reading, very concerned she asked a flight attendant, “Miss, why is the pilot reading? Isn’t he supposed to be flying? “The woman fainted when the flight attendant said,
"Oh well, he’s just studying for his pilot license."

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Jokes about Women Aviation Jokes

A girl recently told me that women really don’t like having arguments and fights.
I thought, “yeah, in the same way that men, don’t like вееr and роrnоgrарhy.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

How to lose an argument with a woman: 1) Argue.

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Jokes about Women Sarcasm Jokes

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, “Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we’re going up to our room for a little while.”
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.
“Before you look in there,” he says, “keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our аssеs just for suскing our thumbs.”

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A woman gets up, puts up the shade, takes the cover off the parrot’s cage, makes coffee, and has a cigarette.
Suddenly the phone rings. Her boyfriend is coming over. She puts out the cigarette, pulls down the shade, puts the cover back on the parrot’s cage, and gets back into bed.
The parrot, from under the cloth, “Well that was a short fcukin’ day!”

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

A man walks into a palm reader store and asks the reader, "Could you read my palm?"
He shows his hand to her, and she says,
"But... I can't read your hand."
"Why?" the man asks.
"I don't understand your handwriting," the woman replies.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

Man in the circus in the Lions cage, says to the audience “i can make this Lion suск my соск”. The Lions growling, the man takes out his соск then hits the lion over the head with a stick, the Lion stops growling opens his mouth and starts suскing the mans соск! The man then turns to the audience and arrogantly says “would anyone else like to try this”? An old woman puts her hand up and says “Yes me, but dont hit me with that stick”,

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes

Women, you can wееd out the bad men. Advocate more respect for yourselves. Anywhere you go, carry an English book. As soon as the guy comes up to you:
'Here, read paragraph one. Tell me what it's saying. Underline the verb once, the subject twice. I'm going to go dance. I'll be right back.' I bet he'll leave you alone.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A couple is reading the paper, the wife says: This article on overpopulation of the world says that somewhere in the world there is a woman having a baby every four seconds! Her husband not to appear uninterested said; I think they ought to find that woman and stop her!

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said,
"My son is such a sаinт. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years."
The other woman said,
"Well, my son is a sаinт himself. Not only has he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time."
"My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud."
"I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

The courtroom was packed as testimony began in the sentencing hearing of a woman convicted of murdering her husband of 20 years by poisoning his coffee.
The defence attorney knew he had his work cut out for him in order to make his client appear more sympathetic to the Judge, since she had been so “matter-of-fact” about the whole thing all during the trial.
“Mrs. Roth,” he began, “was there any point that morning where you felt pity for your husband?”
“Well… yeah… I guess…” she replied.
“And when was that?” pressed the attorney.
“Well… when he asked for his third cup.” she said.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Criminal Jokes

Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they’re walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock on the door. This big, fат, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers.
The first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a drink.
The women says, “Sure, if you fuск me.”
The first man replies, “I would rather die in this desert, then sleep with your fат smelly аss.”
The second man wants to live and agree’s to do the deed. The second man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside. The women says, “fuск me then!”
The man agrees to do it only if she will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fuскs her with it and throws it out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied and agrees to give the man and his friend some water. The man calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give them some water.
The friend replies, “Fuск the water, I want some more of that buttered corn.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

I was waiting at the bus stop when a fат woman waddled up.
“When’s it due, love?” I asked.
“You cheeky ваsтаrd!” she spat.
“The bus, chubby,” I said. “Who’d want to fсuк you?”

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Jokes about Women Fat Jokes

A priest lost his rooster and he comes to church and says anyone here see a соск? All the women raise their hands. "I'm not talking about that kind", he says. Then he says,
"Anyone here have a соск?" All the men raise their hands he says,
"Again, I'm not talking about that kind!" Then he says,
"Anyone in here see my соск?" All the kids then raise their hands.

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Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up the young couple who lived there. They had been sleeping so he just tied them to the bed.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his wife, bound up on the bed in her skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't been with a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sеx with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
She hissed and spit out her gag and said,
"I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

I hate 'The Bachelor,'
'The Bachelor' and 'The Bachelorette.' You know why? 'Cause all them women don't represent. All them women are cute, prissy, soft-spoke, little prissy girls. I can't stand it. Women like that can get married anyway, that's no challenge. I want to see a show with loud, outspoken, bossy вiтсhеs. Women who are stalkers. Women who be following a man home, throwing a brick in his windshield. That's my new show. Call it, 'Who Wants to Marry This Вiтсh?'

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. You turn off the lights for economical reasons, not romantic ones. You read the obituaries to find eligible women. Old ladies offer to help you cross the street. Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals. A beautiful girl walks by and nothing happens. You have all the answers but nobody is asking you the questions. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. All the names in your little black book end with MD.

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

For decades now, women have preferred to look like ten-year-old girls by applying bikini wax to their snатсh.
Unfortunately when they tear their Brillo Pad out by the roots, their snатсh often looks like a raw chicken that is fifteen days past the “sell-by” date but is still in the butcher’s display case.

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Jokes about Women Dating Jokes