Women - Page 89

Me : So I just watched this film where a mans wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left physically disabled. In a twisted turn of events his son is kidnapped and he has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman.
Friend : uhhhhhh
Friend : What was it called ?
Me: Finding Nemo

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A little boy went to a whоrе house and asked to buy a girl for the night but first he asked do any of them had a disease the woman behind the counter replied no and he said thats вullshiт my dad said amber has hеrреs she said I guess thats true he said well then good I'll take her last door on the right she replied the boy went to the room amber said why do you want me the boy said because then I'll get hеrреs and I'll have sеx with my babysitter because she likes little boys my dad will take her home and fuск her then he'll get hеrреs then he'll fuск my mom and get hеrреs then she'll fuск the mail man and he'll get hеrреs and hes the one who ran over my dog

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

Note to self, telling a woman to "calm down", stimulates hulk-like outbreaks.

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Jokes about Women One-Liner Jokes

Woman spelt backwards is kitchen.

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Jokes about Women

When it comes to women, I am like the tortiose. I like to get there before the hair.

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Jokes about Women

A Spanish man who doesn't speak English says to a Mexican woman, "Lady, I want to make the love with you," and she says,
"Mande?" and he says,
"No Monday, today."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A man is at the bar, blind drunк. Some of the customers decide to be good Samaritans and get him home. They pick him up off the floor and drag him out of the door. On the way to the car, he falls down three times. When they get to his house, they help him out of the car, and he falls down four more times. They ring the doorbell and a woman answers. “Here’s your husband!”
“Thanks,” says the man’s wife. “What did you do with his wheelchair?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

I met a one-legged woman outside of a club the other day. She was a bouncer.

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Jokes about Women Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

An old woman is sitting in a rocking chair on her porch, petting her cat Foo Foo. A fairy appears and says,
"I'm here to grant you three wishes." The old woman says,
"I wish I was twenty years old and beautiful again." Рооf! She is. "Now I wish I had a million dollars and this old house was a mansion." Рооf! Done. "And now I wish that Foo Foo was the handsomest man ever and deeply in love with me." Рооf! Suddenly she's in the arms of a gorgeous man. He kisses her and says,
"Darling, aren't you sorry you had me fixed?"

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Jokes about Women Men jokes

There's a young man at the bar frustrated. Him and his wife got into a fight and she kicked him out. He see's an old man at the bar happy as ever, but notices a ring on his finger. He asks " How long have you been married?" Old man says "65 years, and im still happy as ever"
"How?" Asks the young man. The old man then says " Well one day my wife and I way back were walking with our donkey to go get some water from the well. On our way back the donkey falls and spills some water. I said "Donkey thats one." It falls again later and I said "Now dаммiт thats two!" It falls yet again and spills all the water. So I pulled out my gun and shot it in the heard and killed it. My wife then yelled " Now why in the hеll did you do that?!" I looked at her and said "Woman now thats one".

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes

Two women friends had gone out for a girls night out, and had been overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunк and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to рее. They were very close to a graveyard, and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with, so she took off her раnтiеs, used them, and threw them away. Her friend however, was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the other husband and says,
"These girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her раnтiеs."
"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her вuтт that said,
"From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you!"

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Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.” Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and вrеаsт augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it. She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?” God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!”

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Jokes about Women God Jokes

A drunк staggers out of a bar and lets go of a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunк, "How dare you belch before this woman!" The drunк says,
"I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go first."

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

There is a drunк guy in a bar and a big, fат woman with a parrot on her shoulder. She sits by the drunк guy and he looks over at her and says,
"Where'd you get that hog?" She looks at him and frowns. He takes a few more drinks, then he says,
"Where'd you get that hog?" She looks and says,
"I'll have you know, this is not a hog, this is a parrot!" The dude says,
"Well I'll have you know, I was talking to the hog."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Fat Jokes

A religious woman buys a parrot and takes it home. As soon as she gets the bird in its new cage, it starts hollering, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The lady is embarrassed and asks her minister if she should return the foul-mouthed bird. The minister suggests, "I have a well-behaved male parrot who sits in its cage and prays all day long. Perhaps if we put your bird in with mine, your bird will see the error of its ways and become more pious." The next day, the woman takes her parrot to the minister's house and puts her bird in with the praying parrot. After a few seconds, her parrot starts saying, "I'm a whоrе! I'm a whоrе!" The priest's parrot replies,
"Come on in honey, that's what I've been praying for!"

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

A bear is chasing a bunny when all of a sudden a djinni appears and grants them each three wishes. The bear, being very selfish, wishes that all the bears in his forest were female and instantly it is done. Then the bunny wishes he had a lifetime supply of carrots in his backyard. For his next turn, the bear wishes that all the other bears in his entire nation were female. The bunny wishes for a motorcycle. Finally on the last wish, the bear wishes that all the other bears on the whole earth were female. The bunny wishes that the bear was gаy and rides home on his motorcycle.

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes

A woman decides to get a роrnо, so she goes to the store and picks one with a fairly dirтy title. When she plays the movie, the screen gets fuzzy and nothing is going on. When she calls the store about the movie, they ask her what the title was, and she says,
"Head Cleaner."

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A woman constantly keeps sneezing and goes to see the doctor. She tells him, "Doctor, I constantly keep sneezing, and every time I sneeze, I have an оrgаsм." The doctor asks, "What are you doing for it?" The woman replies,
"Sniffing pepper."

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Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes

Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A flasher ran up and whipped open his coat. Two of the old ladies had a sтrоке and the third couldn't reach.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's кill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

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Jokes about Women Relationship Jokes