Aviation Jokes - Page 18

A passenger was having difficulty lugging his oversized travel bag onto the plain. Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to stuff it in the overhead bin.
“Do you always carry such heavy luggage? She asked, winded. “Never again!” the man said. “Next time, I’m riding in the bag, and my friend can buy the ticket!"

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Owner of a aircraft manufacturing company stopped by the aircraft testing airfield to check on the newest test pilot.
He asked the supervisor how the new guy was doing. "Terrible! He has already crashed four planes this week!"
Owner replied, "How is this possible? Where did he work before coming here?"
Supervisor said,
"He designed Windows software for Microsoft."

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Office and Work Jokes Aviation Jokes

I try not to think about this too much, but somewhere out there, flying the friendly skies, is the world's WORST pilot.

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Friendship Jokes Aviation Jokes

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great grandchildren in Boston.
Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.
Instead she sat back and said,
"If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

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Jokes about Women Aviation Jokes

A lady sitting in first class saw the cockpit door open, she was incredulous to see that the pilot was reading, very concerned she asked a flight attendant, “Miss, why is the pilot reading? Isn’t he supposed to be flying? “The woman fainted when the flight attendant said,
"Oh well, he’s just studying for his pilot license."

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Jokes about Women Aviation Jokes

I was inspecting a communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing sтriр in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple hundred feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm.
"I wonder why he didn't land," I said.
"He was checking to see if the landing sтriр was plowed," the man said.
As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented.
"No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time."
"How can you tell?" I asked.
"Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow."

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Men jokes Aviation Jokes

An airplane encountered some turbulence, it started juddering and rocking noticeably from side to side. The flight crew wheeled out the drinks cart to keep the passengers calm. The attendant asked a business man “Would you like a drink? “Why not?” he replied unkindly “I’ll have whatever the pilot’s been having.

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Men jokes Aviation Jokes

An idiот called the airport for flight information. "How long is your flight from Los Angeles to Denver?” he asked. "Just a minute," the pleasant agent replied. "Thank You" he said and hung up.

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Aviation Jokes

A jet ran into some turbulent weather. To keep the passengers calm the flight attendants brought out the beverage carts. “I’d like a soda,” said a passenger in the first row. Moving along, the attendant asked the man behind her if he would like something. “Yes, I would,” he replied. “Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!”

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Men jokes Aviation Jokes

A man at the airline counter tells the rep. “I’d like this bag to go to Berlin, this one to California, and this one to London.
The rep says, “I’m sorry sir. We can’t do that.”
The man replied: Nonsense. That is what you did last time I flew with you.

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Men jokes Aviation Jokes

A beautiful, sеxy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy in a plane...... The lady said to him ' Can you help me remove something from my вrеаsт please? ‘The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?' "Your Eyes, idiот!"

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Men jokes Aviation Jokes

A small plane was carrying three passengers over a mountain range -- an old man, his grandson, and an eminent scientist. Suddenly, the pilot burst into the cabin saying, "The engines have all failed! Grab a parachute and jump from the plane!"
With this, the pilot opened the cabin door and leapt out with his parachute. To their dismay, the 3 passengers discovered only 2 parachutes were left in the cabin! The Eminent Scientist took a pack, saying, "I'm sorry you two, but I won a Nobel Prize, I am the head of several intellectual Think Tanks -- honestly, I'm worth more to society than either of you."
The Eminent Scientist leapt from the plane. The Old Man turned to his grandson and said,
"My dear boy, take the last parachute. I've had a good life. Yours has just begun."
"Don't worry, Grandpa," said the young boy, "that guy just jumped out the plane with my backpack."

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Men jokes Aviation Jokes

A guy called a budget airline to book a flight. The operator asked:
“How many people area traveling? “How should I know?” said the man. “It’s your plane!”

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Men jokes Aviation Jokes

In 1940 two men were flying from New York to Los Angeles on what was then a new DC-3. The left New York and when they landed in Philadelphia, a red truck drove up to put fuel into the wing.
A little while later, they landed in Pittsburgh and, again, a red truck pulled up to fill the tanks with fuel.
Each time they landed to discharge or take on passengers, a red truck would pull up and add fuel to the tanks. Finally, after landing in Kansas City and seeing truck pull up again, one said to the other, "we sure are making good time."
Said the other, "yes, we are, and so is that red truck!"

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Men jokes Aviation Jokes

An aircraft had been waiting on the tarmac for a big thunder storm to pass and the passengers were getting impatient . The pilot made repeated apologies for the delay but it didn't sooth the angry travelers.
Finally the pilot buzzed the intercom and made this announcement, "Would you rather be down here wishing you were up there, or up there wishing you were down here?"

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Aviation Jokes

It was dinner time on a British Airways flight from London to New York. As the flight attendant moved down the plane, she asked one of the passengers:
“Would you like dinner?” “What are my choices?” asked the passenger. “Yes or No,” replied the attendant

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Aviation Jokes

Upon boarding a recent flight from Newark to Atlanta and animated flight attendant began to the preparatory speech and safety instruction to the packed flight. Over the intercom he announces:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the main cabin door has been closed in preparation for departure. The captain now asks that all electronic devices including: pagers, cell phones, I-phones, I-pods, blackberry’s, blueberries, strawberries and anything with an on/off switch, including but not limited to Atari game systems and Easy-Bake Ovens, be turned off at this time. Please enjoy your flight and Thank You for choosing us for all your land travel--err--I mean AIR TRAVEL needs!"

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Aviation Jokes

1. Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
Landing:
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
Bounces us to the terminal."
2. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came
On with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash
And the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open
The door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
3. Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like
To thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you
Get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
Metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

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Aviation Jokes

How is Southwest Airlines capitalizing on Tiger Woods infidelty woes?
By introducing a special Tiger Woods rate where mistresses fly free!

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Aviation Jokes

I am an acrobatic pilot and fly upside down quite a lot and when this happens, my nose runs and my feet smell.

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Aviation Jokes