Blonde Jokes - Page 18

A blonde went to a beauty salon to get a haircut. When the beautician approached the chair where the blonde was waiting, she noticed that she was wearing a walkman. The beautician took the blonde to her styling booth. She asked the blonde, "Please take off the walkman so I can cut your hair." The blonde replied, "I can't do without it, just cut around it."The beautician shook her head in disbelief and started cutting. A few minutes later the beautician stopped and asked the blonde, "I just can't cut your hair properly while you are wearing that walkman. Please take it off." The blonde replied, "I just can't live without it, cut around it please." The beautician started cutting again and finally had had enough. The beautician reached down and pulled the earphones from the walkman off the blonde. Just as she did so the blonde froze, then fell out off the chair and on to the floor. The staff at the salon rushed to her aid only to discover she was stone dead. All were stunned! The beautician lifted the earphones to her ear to listen to what was so important to the blonde. In a soft but commanding voice she heard, "Breathe in.......... Breathe out............ Breathe in.......... Breathe out............ Breathe in.......... Breathe out............"

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Blonde Jokes

Two brunettes and a blonde are driving in the desert when, all of a sudden, their car breaks down. As none of them have any motoring knowledge, they decide to walk. Each of them decides to take one thing with her. The first brunette takes some food in case she gets hungry, the second brunette takes some water in case she gets thirsty and the blonde takes a car door. When questioned about her choice, the blonde replies:
"Well, if I get hot, I can roll down the window!"

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Blonde Jokes

Why did the blonde date hunters?
Because she heard they go deep into the bush, always shoot twice, love to mount their prey and always eat what they shoot.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes American Presidents Humor

There are three blonde guys stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them a wish. The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, he is turned into a brown haired man and swims off the island. The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly he is turned into a black haired man. The black haired man builds a boat and sails off the island. The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns him into a woman, and she walks across the bridge.

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Blonde Jokes

What do you call a blonde with pigtails?A вlоw job with handle bars. Submitted by CalamjoEdited by Christine

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

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Blonde Jokes

Deborah, the вusтy blonde who was on vacation, sent home a postcard.
She writes: Hi folks, me having a great time. Where am I?

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."

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Blonde Jokes

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts?
Change.

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Blonde Jokes Money jokes One-Liner Jokes Stupid Jokes

Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sеx is to lock the car doors.

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Yo Momma Jokes Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: What do Barbie and Paris Hilton have in common?
A: They are both blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her co-workers has a thermos.
She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold".
The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one.
The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object.
The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, "What do you have in it?"
She says, "Soup, and ice cream!"

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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Blonde Jokes

Completing his examination of the uncommonly well-built, beautiful blonde, the doctor said solemnly, "You are a very sick young lady. I don't want you returning to work this afternoon. Go home, get undressed, and get into bed. Drink about a third of this bottle of medicine I'm preparing for you - it will make you drowsy. I don't want you to answer your phone or let anybody into your apartment... until you hear three short knocks."

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Blonde Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

An irish blonde lady went to the doctor, complaining that the Pill kept falling off.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

How can you tell that a blonde been baking chocolate chip cookies?
There are M&M shells all over the floor.

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Food Jokes Blonde Jokes Chocolate Jokes Stupid Jokes

One night there was three fugitives escaping from jail. One was blonde, one was brunette and the other was a red-head. They had the police hot on their trail and quickly thinking the brunette points out an old, abandoned factory perfect for hiding in. When all three were inside the red-head, quickly thinking said they should all hid in old potatoe sacks in the corner as they could hear the police approaching the factory. They all got in their little potatoe sacks and barely a minute later the police came crashing through the door. They looked at the sacks and said 'Hmm maybe they are hiding in these' The officer kicks the Red-head's sack and she makes whimpering noises. 'Hmm just puppies in that sack' The officer kicks the Brunette's sack and she makes mewing noises. 'Hmm just kittens in that sack' He says. He finally kicks the blonde's sack and he hears.... 'POTATOES POTATOES!'

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Blonde Jokes

The top ten reasons niррlе rings for women are a BAD idea:
#10. Pesky delays at airport security scanners.
#9. Potential law suits from elderly people with pacemakers looking for an easy buck.
#8. Your minister asks to see the "ring" and in a blonde moment you show him.
#7. For some reason, a simple comb now seems like a real threat.
#6. Mud wrestling as an occupation is no longer an option.
#5. Cats and babies are attracted to shiny things.
#4. You may now have to deal with Velcro nightmares.
#3. The aging process begins to take on a whole new meaning.
#2. Skinny dipping may be a challenge because of artificial lures.
#1. Lightning is not just something that happens to other people anymore.

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Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes

This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car.
After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, "Do you want to move to the back seat?"
She replies,
"NO!" Flabbergasted, he says,
"Why Not?"
To which she replies,
"Well, I want to stay up here with you. It'd be lonely back there!"

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Blonde Jokes

Sally (a blonde) was seen going into the woods with a small package and a large bird cage. She was gone several days but finally she returned. Her friend, Liz, never saw Sally looking' so sad. Liz, "Heard you went off in the woods for a couple of days. Glad you got back okay... But you look so sad. Why??" Sally, "Cause I just can't get a man." Liz, "Well, you sure won't find one in the middle of the woods." Sally, "Don't be so silly. I know that. But I went in the woods cause I needed something there that would get me a man. But I couldn't find it." Liz, "I don't understand what you're talking about." Sally, "Well, I went there to catch a couple of owls. I took some dead mice and a bird cage." Liz, "So, how's that going help you get a man." Sally, "Well, I heard the best way to get a man is to have a good pair of hоотеrs."

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Blonde Jokes

A blonde named Mary decides to do something really wild. Something she hasn't done before, so she goes out to rent her first X-rated adult video.
She goes to the video store, and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR.
To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static," she says.
"Sorry about that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" the clerk replies.
"Head Cleaner," Mary replies.

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Blonde Jokes