Blonde Jokes - Page 17

Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it??
A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!

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Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
A: One. The rest are all true stories.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunк and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in."

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Jokes about Women School Jokes God Jokes Blonde Jokes Mexican jokes College jokes

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."
Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

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God Jokes Blonde Jokes Friendship Jokes

A blonde gets lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembers her fathers advice, If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it. Soon a snow plow comes by, and she follows it for about 45 minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck gets out and asks her what she is doing. She explains the advice her father had given her. The driver says, Well, Im done with the parking lot here at the mall, now you can follow me over to the bank.

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Blonde Jokes Banker Jokes

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry."
"Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?"
So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here," replies the old man."You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, "What your name?" He say, "Hans Olaffsen." Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'"
"I say, Sem Ting."

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Food Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Asian jokes Restaurant Jokes

Has does a blonde have safe sеx?
She locks the car door.

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"
The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."
"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy.
Just take the day off to relax and rest."
The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here.
I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.
"If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde.
He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.
He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay?
Is there anything I can do to help?"
"No," re plies the blonde,
"I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

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Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "ВАВЕ" or a "CHICK" - She is a"BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" -She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."
3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLYACCESSIBLE."
4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a"LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a"PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."
6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITYIMPAIRED."
7. She does not get "DRUNК" or "TIPSY" - Shegets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED."
8. She does not have "ВRЕАSТ IMPLANTS" -She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."
9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes"VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
10. She is not a "ТRАМР" - She is "SEXUALLYEXTROVERTED."
11 She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUEHOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY SUPERIOR."
12. She is not a "TWO-BIT НООКЕR" - She is a"LOW COST PROVIDER."
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "ВЕЕR GUT" - He hasdeveloped a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLYCAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" -He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLEREGRESSION."
5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers"GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."
6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNК" -He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."
7. He does not act like a "TOTAL АSS" - He develops a case of"RЕСТАL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - Hehas "SWINЕ EMPATHY."
9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is"RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."
10. He is not "НОRNУ" - He is "SEXUALLYFOCUSED."
11. It's not his "СRАСК" you see hanging out of his pants-It's"REAR CLEAVAGE."

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Blonde Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Military Jokes Beer Jokes American Jokes

"How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door.
"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank goodness, I took that first aid course -- all my training came back to me in a flash."
"What did you do?" asks the bartender.
"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!"

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God Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Business jokes

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Were you ever a Blonde?"
"Yes, I was." she replies. "Why do you ask?" The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.

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Food Jokes Blonde Jokes

Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.
The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have."
The other to asked how.
She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy".
The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.
The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?
A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing them from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a question.

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Blonde Jokes Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

There was a beautiful young blonde at a soda machine in Vegas, and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man, who'd been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. "Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly asked,
"Well Duh! Can't you see I'm still winning?"

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Blonde Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Q: What do you call a blonde with one brain cell? A: Gifted.
Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a blonde with more than two brain cells? A: A golden retriever.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my Blonde wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging cabinet to make it fit.
Not wanting to mess it up, I called a local radio home-fix-it program for advice.
I was in the middle of getting the instructions when my wife burst into the room.
'You won't believe this,' she said, 'but there's a guy on the radio with the same problem!'

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Blonde Jokes

A Blonde lady called the airline booking agent to ask how long a flight was from Los Angeles to New York?
The busy agent replied, 'Just a moment.'
The Blonde replied, 'Thank you,' and then hung up.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? Fertilized

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What's the blonde's cheer?
" I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B. L. O... Ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes