Blonde Jokes - Page 26

This blonde woman went to Canada to seek her fortune as a lumberjack.
She met a foreman of a logging organization who offered to give her a job.
"Now I hope you realize we expect you to cut down at least 100 trees a day," the foreman told her.
The blonde woman didn't see this as a problem, so she went out with the Chainsaw and did her best.
She came back sweating like a pig.
"Сhrisт, how many trees did you cut down?" asked the foreman.
"6" she replied.
"What!? You have to do beter than that. Get up earlier tommorow.'' The foreman said. So she did. Out she went with the chainsaw, she came back that night exhausted.
"How many this time?" asked the foreman.
"12" she said.
The foreman says, "That does it. I'm coming out there with you tommorow morning."
The next morning, the foreman reaches the first tree and says, "This is how to cut down trees really quickly."
He pulls the rope on the chainsaw and it gives off a loud BRRRRRRUM.
He notices the blonde is looking at him frantically.
So he asks her what's wrong. She replies, "What the hеll is that?"

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An obstetrician delivers a baby for a beautiful young woman. The baby has blue eyes, blonde hair, black skin and narrowed eye groves.
"You should be more careful with the оrgiеs you have" - the doctor says.
"I just thank God he is not barking" - she answered.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Three women escape from prison - a blonde and two brunettes - and to get away from the cops they hide in an abandoned farm house. Inside the house there are three sacks that the escapees crawl into when the police search the building. One of the cops sees the sacks and yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner replies "Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding". The officer goes and kicks one with a brunette in it and she yells "MEEEYYOWW!" The officer says "Oh, its just a sтuрid cat in there." So he kicks the one with the other brunette in it and she yells "RUUFFF RUFFF!" The officer says "Oh, it's just a sтuрid dog!" Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells "POTATOES!"

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Blonde Jokes

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde that were captured and ordered before the firing squad. The redhead was brought out, put on the stand and at the time when the squad leader yelled "Ready, aim..." she shouted "Tornado!" and pointed behind the firing squad. Everyone looked and she jumped down and ran away. They brought out the brunette, put her up on the stand and when the squad leader yelled, "Ready, aim..." she pointed and yelled "Earthquake!". When everyone stopped to look around, she ran away. Finally, the firing squad brought the blonde out and when the squad leader yelled "Ready, aim..." she pointed and yelled "Fire!"

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Blonde Jokes

A traveler wandering on an island inhabited by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialized in human brains sorted out according to source.
The sign in the shop read:
Artists' Brains $9/lb
Philosophers' Brains $12/lb
Scientists' Brains $15/lb
Blondes' Brains $100/lb
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My, those beekeepers' brains are expensive - they must be very powerful!"
The butcher replied, "Not really. They're expensive because it takes so many Blondes to get one pound of brains!!"

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Blonde Jokes

The Local sheriff was looking for a new deputy. When a blonde walks in to try for the job, he asks her "Okay, what is 1 and 1?"

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, 'DALLAS COWBOYS'!
And they say blondes are dumb....

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Blonde Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

A blonde goes into the cleaners and drops off a blouse to be dry cleaned.
As she's leaving the clerk says,
"Come again."
The blonde stops and says,
"No, it's mustard this time."

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-air.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear? A: Data transfer.

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Blonde Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde climb on to the roof?
A: Someone told her the drinks were on the house.

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Blonde Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Four blondes drive to a bar in their old pickup truck. Three sit in the cab, and one sits in the bed of the truck.The three blondes go into the bar and order a round of shots. Almost an hour later, the fourth blonde finally joins them. "Where have you been?" they ask.
She responds, "Well, you all forgot to open the tailgate!"

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Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes

Q: What do you get when you find a dead blonde in a closet?
A: The hide-and-seek champion of 1996.

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Gross Jokes Blonde Jokes

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes School Jokes Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Ваng Ваng!
Q: Why did the mirror have holes in it?
A: A моrоn kept trying to shoot himself.

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Men vs Women Jokes Blonde Jokes

It was the first time a blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family, so she prepared a dinner by herself. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.
"Mom, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" the blonde said.
"Did it not taste good?" her mother asked.
"I don't know," the blonde replied. "It wouldn't sit still!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, "How do I get on the other side!?"
The blonde says, "You are on the other side!"

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes

There was a woman who wanted to repaint her house, so she called the contractor and set an appointment to meet with him.
When the contractor came to her house they did a walk-through and he asked her what colors she would like.
They came to the living room and she told him that she would like a nice, warm cream color.
The contractor wrote something down on his pad, then walked to the window and yelled, "Greenside up."
The lady is a little confused, but doesn't say anything, and they continue to the dining room where she tells him, "I would like a nice warm white in here, nothing stark."
The contractor writes something down on his pad, then walks to the window and again yells, "Greenside up!"
The lady is really confused now but still does not say anything.
They continue to her bedroom and she says, "I would like a nice, cool, relaxing blue in here."
The contractor writes something on his pad and again walks to the window and yells, "Greenside up."
The woman is now totally perplexed and says to the contractor, "Three times I have told you the color that I want, and you write something on your pad, then you walk to the window and yell greenside up. What is going on?"
The contractor replies, "You see, I have four blondes laying sоd across the street."

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are all stuck on a deserted island together.
The island is 20 miles from the nearest inhabited island so they all decide to try to swim there.
The redhead makes it 10 miles, is exhausted, gives up, and drowns.
The brunette makes it 15 miles before she's too tired to go any farther and drowns.
The blonde gets 19 miles away from the deserted island, decides she's too tired to go any farther, and swims all the way back to the deserted island.

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Blonde Jokes Stupid Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Two programmers after work, talking in a pub:
"You will never believe me when I tell you what happened to me yesterday. I met a very nice blonde in a bar."
- And what did you do ?
"I invited her to my place, we had some drinks and then the girl asked me to undress her."
"Are you kidding me ? And what did you do then?"
"I got her blouse and her dress off and then i got her to sit on my office, right next to my new laptop."
"Oh, you got a new laptop. What model and what are its specifications?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man and a blonde are at an ATM. The man says "I know you'r pincode, it's ****" and the blonde says "No it's not! It's 4829!"

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Blonde Jokes Men jokes