Christmas Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

I need advice please!
My children keep finding their Christmas presents that I've hidden around the house. Someone suggested I should just keep them in the attic. So I tried that last night, but their constant crying and whining kept me awake. All the "I'm afraid of the dark" or "I don't like it up here - there are spiders" really got on my nerves. Any other suggestions?

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Love it on Christmas day, when a present says 'from Mum and Dad' and you just know that Dad has absolutely no idea what's inside it...

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What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.

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Mother:
"Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl:
"I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those nакеd girls in papa's computer."

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How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fат guy in the suit gets all the credit.

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Christmas time.
Vаliuм and wine.
Children indulging in serious сriме.
With dad on the wееd and mum high on сrаск.
Christmas is magic when your family is black!

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Start preparing for Christmas early...
By falling out with friends and family today...

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A Christmas Joke (... Maybe a LITTLE early)
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree. The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"

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What's Hillary Clinton's favorite Christmas carol?
Depends, what is yours?

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For Christmas my mum bought me a t-shirt saying, "I'm a nudist."
I haven't worn it yet.

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My great grandmother got me a ps4 for christmas
My so-so grandmother got me socks

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The doctor has given me two months to live.
I've chosen August and December, because I like summer but don't want to miss Christmas.

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1. Yo mama so sтuрid she got locked in a mattress store and slept on the floor.
2. Yo mama so fат I took a picture if her last Christmas (2013) and its still printing.
3. Yo mama so fат when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices.

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Santa Claus was never laughing, he was just calling out your momma's name.

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What you mean behave?! He is doing a handstand!!

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Home Stallone

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"Dear Santa, this year, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer"

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Found this ID card. Anyone who knows this person

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Remembering Hans Gruber, activist, bond trader and beloved brother to Simon (1948-1995). Hans was killed in Los Angeles on Christmas Eve 1988, a victim of police brutality. His death was never...

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You don't have to get me anything for Christmas! It's a trap!

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