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Dark Humor Jokes

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Another thing I like about this site is that you can get away with saying literally anything.
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Dark Humor Jokes
He was a cop for 20 years, and he was always bragging:
'You know, I was only shot in the arm once.' Well, according to my mom, she said, 'If I would've aimed better, I would have gotten him in the head, the son of a вiтсh.'
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Dark Humor Jokes
I saw a sign on the side of the road the other day that said, 'Tiredness can кill.' I didn't know that. Last Saturday, I stayed up all night watching movies. I could have died.
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Dark Humor Jokes
A lot of things can кill you now. Ain't this ridiculous? Mosquitoes can кill you now. Do you know how mad I would be if I died from a mosquito bite? I'm a black man, grew up on the south side of Chicago. I've avoided drug dealers, gang bangers, sickle cell, high blood pressure, the police -- and now a mosquito gonna take me out?
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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes
Good-bye cookies, hello diabetes!
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Dark Humor Jokes
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being rареd by a giant praying mantis.
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Dark Humor Jokes
Tombstone engraving: I TOLD you I was sick!
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Dark Humor Jokes
An old man is walking in the hospital and talks to himself:
- Aquarius?... no, no no... was it gemini?... naaah...
Young doctor cant stand it anymore and walks to him:
- Cancer grandpa, you got cancer!
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C'est un type qui sort de chez le docteur. Il appelle l'ascenseur, monte dedans, et il marmonne - Gémeaux... Balance... Il appuie sur le bouton. - Bélier... Scorpion... Rhââ, je me rappelle plus!"... - Doctore,ce-ai zis ca am? Balanta,Racul,Gemeni..... Nu,nu.... Cancer.
Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
A mom shark is teaching her son how to hunt swimmers Properly.
“So, first you go and circle them making sure your fin is showing. And Then you go at them full blast and eat them.”
“OK, but why don’t I just go at them full blast and eat them right Away?”
“I guess you could, son, but would you really want to eat them with all That shiт in their intestines?”
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Майка - акула инструктира малкото си акулче как се лови човек: Учела значи старата, премъдра акула малкото акулче: Голямата акула към малката: Haifisch-Papa und Haifisch-Sohn unterhalten sich: A mother shark is teaching her young how to eat humans. Мама-акула учит акулёнка правильно есть людей: Ανέκδοτο Τοπ: Μπαμπάς καρχαρίας προς γιό… Маленький акуленок говорит маме: Ο μπαμπάς καρχαρίας εκπαιδεύει τον νεαρό καρχαρία Dois enormes tubarões brancos observam os sobreviventes de um naufrágio. — Siga-me, filho. — diz o tubarão pai para o filho. E nadam até os náufragos. — Primeiro vamos nadar em volta deles com apenas a ponta das nossas barbatanas aparecendo fora da água. E assim eles fizeram. — Muito bem, meu... Vater und Sohn Hai drehen ihre Runden um ein paar Schwimmer. Sagt Sohn Hai: "Wann fressen wir die"? Vater Hai: "Noch eine Runde, wenn sie sich ausgeschissen haben, schmecken sie besser!" Twee grote witte haaien zwemmen in de oceaan en spotten twee overlevenden van een gezonken schip. "Volg me zoon," zegt de vader haai terwijl ze naar de mensen toe zwemmen. "Goed gedaan zoon! Nu...
Good jokes Animal Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
I will never forget my dad’s last words:
“Will you stop playing with the bow, Nicholas?!”
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- Иванчо, какви бяха последните думи на дядо ти? I will always remember my grandpa’s last words: Stop shaking the ladder you cunt! I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?” Ik zal nooit de laatste woorden van mijn opa aan mij vergeten vlak voordat hij stierf. Houd je de ladder nog steeds vast?
One-Liner Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
See also:
New Dark Jokes
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Yo Mama Jokes
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Redneck Jokes
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Dark Humor Jokes
Our best first:
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Dark Humor Jokes
Of course God exist. How else could those foolish atheists explain that my girlfriend got pregnant without us ever sleeping together?
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Dark Humor Jokes Cheating Jokes
I went fishing for the first time. I learnt that fish can breakdance. Only for 1-2 minutes, but still.
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Dark Humor Jokes
Dracula visits his doctor and says, “Doctor, I’m really worried. For a while now, there was no blood in my stool.”
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Dark Humor Jokes Vampire jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
Father talks to his 5-year-old son:
“No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
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Като бях малък, се страхувах от чудовището под леглото. Fritzchen rennt zu seinem Vater und schreit: "Papa, Papa, unter meinem Bett ist ein Monster!" Der Vater winkt ab und beruhigt den Jungen: "Keine Sorge, Schatz! Das Monster liegt neben mir im Bett und schläft!" Sohn: "Papa, Papa bei mir liegt ein Monster unterm Bett!" Vater: "Sohn, bei mir liegt eins im Bett!" Monster Dreng: “Far der ligger et monster under sengen” Far svarer: “Knægt herinde ligger det i sengen” Son: "Dad! Dad! There is a monster under my bed!" Dad: "Enjoy it while you can son, when you get married the monster sleeps in your bed." Ніч. — Тато, тато, під моїм ліжком монстр! — Ні, синку, він в моєму ... - Mami, sub patul meu este un Monstru. - Cat tata va fi in deplasare, acest monstru Va locui la noi. Vater zu seinem 5-jährigem Sohn: "Nein, das Monster ist nicht unter deinem Bett. Mach dir hier keine Sorgen. Das Monster schläft jeden Tag neben mir." Papa, papa! Er ligt een monster onder m'n bed! Jongen toch….. Bij mij ligt er één IN bed!
Dark Humor Jokes
Husband approaches his wife, “Jenny, I think I have a problem.”
Jenny smiles at him kindly, “Darling, your problems are my problem also. Trouble shared is trouble halved. Tell me.”
“OK, “ says the husband, “in that case, we got the neighbor pregnant.”
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Dark Humor Jokes
Kamikaze pilot instructor:
“OK, listen up, and listen up closely. I don’t want to have to repeat myself to you again tomorrow!”
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Японска школа за пилоти-камикадзе. Δάσκαλος και μαθητής Ein Terroristenführer ruft seine Auszubildenden zu einer Demonstration zusammen. Nachdem er allen gezeigt hat wie die Weste mit dem Sprengstoff anzuziehen ist und der Zünder eingerichtet wird,... Naquela escola de treinamento para Kamikazes, os alunos estavam todos reunidos, muito concentrados na aula, quando o instrutor explicou: — Olha aqui, vocês prestem muita atenção porque eu só vou... L’istruttore della scuola di terroristi sta tenendo la lezione sul come si usano le bombe negli attentati kamikaze. Entra in aula tutto imbottito di tritolo mentre mostra il detonatore che ha in... Kamikáze oktató az újoncoknak: - Jól figyeljenek, mert ezt csak egyszer mutatom meg!
Dark Humor Jokes
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday.
Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
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Dark Humor Jokes
- Am I beautiful, George?
- You’re like the Sun! It’s painful looking at you.
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Dark Humor Jokes
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