Dirty jokes - Page 112

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-вiтсh.

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Dirty jokes

That moment when you get a воnеr in class and the teacher calls you up front........."good boy miranda! Calm down girl!"

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Dirty jokes

To celebrate the new year last night I decided to organize a тhrееsоме…
Unfortunately I was the only person who showed up but I still had a great time.

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Dirty jokes

I've never been to a moon like yours.

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Dirty jokes

My building company just got a really big order from my local brothel. They want me to go over there and paper over the cracks.

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Dirty jokes

One day little Johnny came home from school and heard his mother crying in her room. He slowly opened the door and saw her rubbing herself and saying "Ohhhh I need a man", over and over. He closes the door and runs to his room. The next day when little Johnny gets home from school he is greeted by a strange man. Little Johhny immediately runs to his room takes off his pants and starts rubbing himself saying "Ohhhh I need a bike"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Little Johnny was walking down the hallway, when he saw (unknown to him), his Father's Battery powered Dildо, laying on the bed! Daddy, Daddy, what's that little Little Johnny said? The Old Man (thought quick), and said, a battery operated toothpick for adults! Little Johnny asked why is it so long? The father said for food stuck between your teeth way in the back of your mouth! Later that evening at the supper table the Old Man said to his wife, honey get me a toothpick please, I've got a piece of food stuck in my teeth! Little Johnny said Mommy don't bother, I'll get the battery powered one off the bed for Daddy! Mommy said don't bother Johnny, I've already used it!

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I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what оrаl sеx means to my wife.

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Once a black guy went to his interview, the interviewer supposedly wanted to reject him because he was black.
So he told him, "If you will answer my 3 questions then the job is yours." the guy guy says "Okay."
Interviewer firstly showed him a picture of a bike and asked,
"What is this?", the guy replied "Cycle.", the interviewer said "No! It's Bicycle."
Then he showed him a picture of a car and asked,
"What is this?", the guy replied "Car.", the interviewer said "No! It's motorcar."
Then lastly he showed a picture of a jet and asked,
"What is this?", the guy replied "Plane.", the interviewer mocked "No! It's Air-plane!!"
"You failed to answer the questions my friend, sorry you are rejected."
Before going out of the office the guy asked the interviewer, "Sir, may I ask you a question?", the interviewed agreed.
The guy drew picture of a сunт on paper and asked "What is this?", the interviewer said "Сunт", the guy said "WRONG! It's YOUR MOTHER'S СUNТ!"

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My maths teacher asked me a question today at school, “What comes after 69?”
Apparently ‘ mouthwash ‘ isn’t the correct answer.

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School Jokes Dirty jokes

My current girlfriend doesn't like it when I hang out with my ex-girlfriend. She's really worried I'm going to have sеx with my ex-girlfriend -- twice last night. I'm just kidding. I do my best to not cheat on both my girlfriends.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Let me give you one word of advice: never go to a sеx shop when you're hоrny. You have no idea what you're going to end up with -- make a list; stick to the list.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

One day, a mother and her daughter were walking through the park and came across two teens having sеx. The daughter asks the mom, "Mommy, what are they doing?" After thinking for a moment, the mom replies "They are making cakes, sweetie."
The next day, the mother and her daughter are walking through the zoo and they see two monkeys having sеx, and the daughter asks again, "Mommy, what are they doing?" and the mother replies again, "They are making cakes, sweetie."
A few days later, the daughter walks into the kitchen and asks her mom, "Mommy? Were you and daddy making cakes in the living room last night?" and the mother replies hesitantly, "erm... yes hunny, we were." The daughter says,
"Oh, okay, because i licked the icing off the couch!"

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I would rather cuddle then have sеx. If you're good with grammar, you'll get it.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Two hot women, a blond and a brunette, went into a x-rated movie theater.
Ten minutes into the movie, the blond tells her friend, "I can't believe this, the guy next to me is jerking off! What should I do?"
The brunette keeps staring at the movie screen and says,
"Just ignore him."
The blond says,
"I can't. He's using my hand."

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If you jingle my bells, I can promise you a white christmas.

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Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes

Boy and Girl: Uh.... uh.... yeah..... ahh...... Mom: (knocks on door)
Boy: I'm сuммing!
Mom: Ok I'll be downstairs.
Boy:
- _-
Girl: ОМG Calm ur diск!
Mom: (Opens door)
Boy and Girl: :O
Mom: ............ WTF

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Dirty jokes

Annoying guy: *Grabs a wotsit*
Annoying guy: This resembles your colour
Asian guy: It resembles you as well
Annoying guy: I'm not an Asian you prick
Asian guy: I wasn't talking about your colour, I was talking about your dick

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Dirty jokes

I got a massage today, which was pretty cool, you know. Except they gave me a man, which was a little weird, you know what I mean? At one point I was like, 'Is it normal to get an еrестiоn?' He goes, 'Sure.' I said, 'Well, can you get it out of my face?'

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

Lady walks into a Doctor's clinic
Doctor: May I num your вrеаsтs?
Woman: Yes you may.
Doctor: Okay, Num Num Num Num Num Num.
(This joke is derived from a Robin Williams Movie, R I P !! )

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