Dirty jokes - Page 117

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Dirty jokes

Surely, there must be a more dignified way to express your love and admiration for another human being -- like baking them a cake or something, or just leaving them alone for a while.

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Dirty jokes

One girl was getting rареd and she threatened to call the cops he said ok go ahead let's see who сuмs first

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Dirty jokes

Just because you have one doesn't mean you have to act like one.

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Dirty jokes

I want you to reach out and loop me in.

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Dirty jokes

A clinically insane man has a doctor appointment at 11:00. when he gets out of his shower, he wraps himself in saran wrap. ( clear plastic wrap ) and goes to the doctor, stark nакеd under the plastic wrap. When he gets there, his doctor looks at him for a about 2 minutes and says "well, for your diagnosis... I can clearly see your nuts."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Three men died and were approached by God. God said that they should walk a hundred steps and say an animal they want to be. The first man walked his hundred steps and said tiger. The second man walked his hundred steps and said shark. The third man was about to complete his hundred steps but tripped on his 99th step. He fell and yelled "FUСКING ВULLSНIТ!"

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God Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

American teenagers are six times more likely to get pregnant than French teenagers. And what does that tell you? It tells you that American teenagers are better looking. But I say, let's learn from the French -- don't hand out condoms to high school students, take away their deodorant.

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School Jokes Dirty jokes

You saw a commercial saying "look through glasses". You ran to the shop and bought one. You tried it on in the swimming pool. You walk around and realize it just made you blind. You throw away your glasses. You see nакеd girls infront of you.
You yell " It worked"!

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes

Why did Santa get arrested?
He got caught laying Barbie under the Christmas tree!

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Dirty jokes Christmas Jokes

I never got a birds and the bees speech as a child. The closest thing I ever got -- one time, my dad was cooking breakfast; he's like, 'Sеx is a lot like this egg. First thing you gotta do is heat up the bed real nice, get it nice and warm, get it ready for her. Then, you gotta take her, сrаск her over the head and lay her out flat, alright? Come on now -- wait 'til she starts sizzlin' really good, then you can flip her on over -- there ya go. Don't get too excited or you get yellow stuff all over the bacon.'

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

One day a boy parents were arguing so the called each other b*tch and аss holes so the boy asked ' what's a b*tch and and аss hole"
They replied аss hole is another word for gentle man and b*tch is another word for gentle lady" later on the the boy dad was shaving and he cut himself and he shouted shiт the boy asked what does shiт mean his dad replied its another word for shaving cream. Then the little boy went to the kitchen and meet his mom cleaning a turkey she got cut and shouted fuск the little boy asked what is fuск she replied its another word for cutting the turkey just then the door веll rang the little boy ran to answered it and greeted the guest by saying good evening b*tches and аss holes my dad is shaving with shiт and my mom is f*cking the turkey

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

Boy: dad can i take a shower to? Dad: no. Boy: but its my birthday. Dad: ok but dont look down. Boy: (looks down) what is that? Dad: its a lamborghini. Boy: ok. Boy: ( later on) mom can i take a shower to? Mom: no. Boy: but its my birthday. Mom: ok but dont look up or down. Boy: (looks up) what are those? Mom: headlights. Boy: ok (looks down) whats that? Mom: a garage. Boy: ok. Boy: ( later) mom and dad can i sleep with you. Dad: ok but dont looks under the covers. Boy: ( looks under covers) mommy turn on your headlights daddys parking the car in the garage.

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Dirty jokes Dad Jokes

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get hоrny?"

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Dirty jokes

A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch together, when grandpa pulls a вееr out of a cooler. the little boy asked,
"Grandpa, can I have a вееr?" Grandpa replied, "Can your diск touch your аss?" The little boy answered no. Grandpa said "Then you're not man enough to have a вееr." A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked,
"Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked,
"Can your diск touch your аss?" The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said,
"Then your not man enough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of the house With a cookie. Grandpa asked,
"Can I have a cookie?" The boy asked "Can your diск touch your аss?" Grandpa replied, "Неll yeah my diск can touch my аss!" The boy replied, "Then go fuск yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes

Just had a cup of tea with some Viаgrа sprinkled in it. It doesn’t really taste any different but its great at stopping your biscuits going soft.

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Dirty jokes

Want to take a look at my benefit package?

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Dirty jokes

When you see a bull, remember, he's horny

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Dirty jokes

Can I marinate in your juices?

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Dirty jokes

She was like, 'Danny, I don't like that name! We don't have that stuff in this house. Nobody in this family uses that stuff. Your brothers don't use it, your father -- why do you want to use it?' I was like, 'What are you talking about, Ma? As a matter of fact, Uncle Louis always uses it.' She was like, 'Yeah, alright, Uncle Louis, maybe -- but nobody talks about it.'

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes