Dirty jokes - Page 16

A woman goes to an accountant to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I need to ask a few questions. What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whоrе."
The accountant says, "No, no, no. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman replies, "OK, I'm a рrоsтiтuте."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a рrоsтiтuте?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 c**ks last year."

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Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sеx, I've got nothing left to believe in."

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes Dad Jokes Easter Jokes

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and told him to lie.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble.
He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. All he needed to do was somehow get to the airport, and then he'd be home-free. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home. He offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc... The cabbie said, ''If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hеll out of my cab!'' So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, ''How much for a ride to the airport,'' he asked? ''Fifteen bucks,'' came the reply. ''And how much for you to give me a вlоwjов on the way?'' ''What?! Get the hеll out of my cab.'' The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, ''How much for a ride to the airport?'' The cabbie replied, ''Fifteen bucks.'' The businessman said, ''OK,'' and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each of the other drivers.

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Business jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Aviation Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?
In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.

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Dirty jokes

A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his реnis. He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes

Dad: Hey son, if you keep маsтurватing your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes Dad Jokes

A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sеxuаl tension?"
"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."
The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."
The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sеx with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Why do people say 'Grow some ваlls?' Ваlls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vаginа. Those things can take a pounding.

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Dirty jokes

Girl - Baby i'm wet.
Boy - Want a paper towel?
Girl - No, i want more then that ;)
Boy - Want 2 paper towels?
Girl - No, baby i want something big and round
Boy - Dамn you want the whole roll?

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Dirty jokes

Son: Dad do you remember your first вlоwjов?
Dad: Ohhh yeah I do!
Son: How did it taste?
Dad: Get out.

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Dirty jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Dad Jokes

If one drop of sемеn contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suск соск?
Oh wait... Twilight

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Vampire jokes Dirty jokes

Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see a nакеd women, then one of the boys run away. The other chases after him. The boy asked:
"Why did u run away?"
"My mom told me if i saw a nакеd women i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?" As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?" She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit.

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Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

A couple driving home hit and wounded a skunk on the road.
The wife gets out and brings it back to the car.
"We need to take it to a vet. Its shivering, it must be cold, what should I do?" she asks.
Husband replies "Put it between your legs to keep it warm."
"But it stinks!" she exclaims.
"So hold its nose!"

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Dirty jokes

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus.
When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy asked, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, Mom, down underneath."
His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
The father returned, and the mother went off to get a soda.
As soon as she left, the boy repeated his question.
The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's реnis."
"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it was nothing?"
The man took a deep breath and replied, "Son, I've spoiled that woman."

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Animal Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

Husband and wife decide to make a password for s*x, they decide on 'washing machine'.
Later in bed that night husband says, "Washing machine."
Wife replies, "Not tonight darling I have a sore head."
Half an hour passes and she feels guilty so she says, "Washing machine."
Husband replies, "To late it was only a small load so I decided to do it by hand."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirтy joke."
Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.
Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?"
Me: "John"
Homeless man: "So Johny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have."
Me: "Two?"
Homeless man: "Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?"
Me: "Two?"
Homeless man: "Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?"
Me: "Two?"
Homeless man: "Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?"
Me: "I don't know? A lot?"
Homeless man: "Well Johny, why do you know so much about black соск and not enough about white рussy."

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Dirty jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes

Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing.
Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone рissеd:
What’s up?
What’s up?, - some man asks.
Dentist:
Who are you?
I’m Monica’s husband
Dentist:
Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Dentist Jokes

A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?" The man replies , "First blоwjob!"
The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this ones on me."
The man then says , "Man if six shots cant get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"

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Sex Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes