Fitness jokes - Page 7

What is Jesus' favorite food? Cheeses.

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Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

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Food Jokes Fitness jokes

me - Excuse me, are you into fitness?
girl - Somewhat.
me - Let me fitness соск in your mouth!

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Fitness jokes Dirty jokes

I’m proud to say I donated over $10 million to disabled gymnasts in Eastern Europe last year. Apparently they contacted my bank to let me know that ‘the invalid Czechs were bouncing’ which is great news.

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News and Politics Jokes Disability Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes Banker Jokes Fitness jokes

I read in men’s health, that the most important thing to do when doing a workout programme is rest…Ive done that for 2 years now and I am still no fitter than before!

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Fitness jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes

My wife bought me an exercise bike for Christmas.
I used it for a bit but have stopped now as it wasn’t getting me anywhere.

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Christmas Jokes Fitness jokes

DIET DAY 1.
I have removed all the bad food from my home.
It was delicious.

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Fitness jokes Food Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Sign on the company bulletin board: “This firm requires no physical fitness program. Everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying of the handle, running down the boss, flogging dead horses, knifing friend in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.”

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Friendship Jokes Fitness jokes Boss Jokes

A woman on the phone to her friend...

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising!

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I веnт, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Fitness jokes

Gym Manager: I went for a run the other day, and covered 20 miles
Personal Trainer: I went for a run the other day, and covered 30 miles
Cleaner: I had some Mexican food the other day, and I’ve had the runs all week

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Fitness jokes Food Jokes Boss Jokes

A new priest does his first mass. He is very nervous and he stammers his way through. Afterwards, he approaches the Monsignor to ask how he thought it went. "Well," says the monsignor, "Try a little wine before you do your next mass." So the next time the priest delivers a real fire and brimstone sermon, after which he asks the monsignor, "How did I do this time?" The fellow clergyman replies, "You did well, son, but I need to clear up a few of your misconceptions. First off, it was the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, not 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Sроок.' Next, David slew Goliath; he didn't 'whip the shiт out of him.' And last of all we are planning a taffy pulling contest here at St. Peter, not a 'Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.'

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Religion jokes Wine jokes Priest Jokes Fitness jokes

About 2 minutes into my workout, I decided to work on my personality instead.

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Fitness jokes Office and Work Jokes

I can’t help being lazy.
It walks in the family.

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Fitness jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Today is my first day at the gym…
I walk in and see a bunch of hot women working out, so I walk up to the guy who is running the gym and ask him, ” Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies over there?” ….
He smiles at me and says, “Try the ATM Machine in the lobby.”

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Fitness jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes

New phone app.
You know there is a lot of money to be made by developing a useful phone app.
With the fitness craze and everyone being weight conscious I put my brain cells to work on the project.
I want to announce the Newest phone app available for tracking progress in your fitness program. It is called the Personal Scale App. This is how it works. You program your I-phone or Droid with my new app. Place it on a hard surface like a tile floor and then stand on it. The phone will record your current weight and display it on the screen. My only problem is it only seems to work once.

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Fitness jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

I was chatting to a fit bird in the gym earlier when the question came up, “What вrа size are you?”
Cheeky вiтсh!

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Fitness jokes

One day Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger die and go to heaven. they see God in his throne and beside him is an empty seat. God says to them “Only one of you can have this seat. tell me why you believe you should have it.” Arnold says “I believe I deserve that seat because I have given back to the community and showed the importance of physical fitness.” Sylvester says “I believe I should have that seat because I have been a good role model by teaching people to stand up for themselves.” Chuck Norris then goes over to God, looks at him in the eyes and says, “I believe you are sitting in my seat.”

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Fitness jokes God Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation.
After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said, “Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish.
But, be warned, for if you say something false, you will be suскеd into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!”
The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the brunette said, “I think I’m the most beautiful of us three” and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
The redhead stepped up and said “I think I’m the most talented of us three” and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.
Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, “I think…” and was promptly suскеd into the mirror.
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Fitness jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Blonde Jokes

The Gym
A place for girls to find strong bloke’s with big muscles.
The Gym
A place for men to find fат, chubby girls.

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Fitness jokes Men jokes Fat Jokes

I was told that exercise helps with your decision making.
It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.

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Fitness jokes