Food Jokes - Page 24

Chuck Norris once won the title of Iron Chef by cooking instant ramen noodles.

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Chuck Norris once squeezed an M&M so hard that it turned into a Skittle.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?"
He angrily looks at her and says,
"Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G. E Logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn’t close right."
"Fix the Fridge Door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so!"
"Ok", she says,
"Then you could at least fix the front door steps. They’re about to break."
"I ain’t no dамn Carpenter and I don’t wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I’ve got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough. I’m off to the bar!"
After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife.
As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed.
As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a вееr, he notices the fridge door is fixed.
"Darling, how’d you get all this fixed?"
She replies:
"Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him."
He said,
"So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Helo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.

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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Coffee Jokes

What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
They are both baked chickens.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Drug Jokes

What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes

How do you make a milkshake?
Give a соw a pogo stick.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes

When Chuck Norris wants salad, he eats a vegetarian.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Food Jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine?
Hamburger.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes

What did the farmer call the соw that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
So one says, "Ok, lets buy bread for $1 and the rest we spend on vоdка?."
The other says, "I don't get it, why do we need so much bread?."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes

They've broken in my house so many times, they leave notes complaining about things:
'The salt was low.' 'Pick up bread. We be back.' Grease all over my stove - they cooked and left the best chicken and dressing you ever want to lay your lips on.

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Police Officer Jokes Food Jokes

Yo' Mama is so fат, she brought on world hunger.

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Fat Jokes

A man walks into his doctor's office and whines, "Doc, you've got to help me; I've got a strawberry stuck up my аss."
The doctor pulls out his prescription pad and says, "I've got cream for that!"

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Gross Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Three rabbits escape from a testing lab and find an entire field full of carrots.
They eat themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, they find an entire field full of female rabbits with no males in sight. They sсrеw themselves into a stupor and sleep throughout the night. The next morning, the rabbits get to talking.
"I'm gonna go back to that field of carrots," says one.
"I'm gonna go back to those cute little rabbits," says the second.
"I'm going back to the lab," says the third. "I'm dying for a cigarette."

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Food Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."

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Food Jokes Life Jokes

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds.
“Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says.
“Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nods…
“I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
“From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor.
“No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

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Blonde Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

There was a black guy, white guy, and a Mexican on a ship.
The ship was sinking so the black guy said, 'quick throw off anything we don't need.' The Mexican threw off tacos, the black guy thre off fried chicken and the white guy threw off the black guy and the Mexican.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Food Jokes Mexican jokes Black People Jokes White people jokes

Q: What do you call a fried potato in your pants?
A: Diск-tator.

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Communication Jokes Food Jokes

Facebook is like a fridge, you keep checking it and nothing has changed.

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Facebook Jokes Food Jokes History Jokes