Food Jokes - Page 23

Yo' Mama is so fат, when she rubs her legs together, I smell bacon.

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What is the difference between mayonnaise and sемеn?
Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes

Gourmet Воотy Call... Eating Out:
Sure, I love to cook, but that doesn't mean I'm against eating out.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Food Jokes Dirty jokes

A husband and wife go to a restaurant. The waiter approaches the table to take their order.
"I'll have your biggest, juiciest steak," says the husband.
"But sir, what about the mad соw?" asks the waiter.
"Oh," says the husband, "she'll order for herself."

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Restaurant Jokes

A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.
The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."
"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.
"One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up."
The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes

Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.

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One-Liner Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Wine jokes

What's Mexicos National sport?
Cross Country.

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Mexican jokes Sports Jokes Nationality Jokes Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve suскеd the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."

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Men jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes

I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea.
They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What did the snowman order at McDonalds ?
A: Icerbergers with chilly sauce!

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Food Jokes

What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy?
A Saddle Light Dish.

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Cowboys and Indians Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes

"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher.
"What did you make of the new English teacher?"
"Burgers, ma'am."

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Food Jokes School Jokes

A retiree and his aged wife started having problems in remembering, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.
After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the wife got up from her chair and her retired husband asks, "Where are you going?"
She replies, "To the kitchen."
he asks "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
She replies, "Sure." he then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
She says, "No, I can remember that." he then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top.
You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that."
She says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."
he replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top.
I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in her voice, she says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that."
She then fumes into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes she returns from the kitchen and hands him a plate of bacon and eggs.
He stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."

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Food Jokes Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

First cannibal:
"Come and have dinner in our but tonight."
Second cannibal:
"What are you having?"
First cannibal:
"Hard-boiled legs."

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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes

A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream.
They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?"
So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned.
"I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts."
And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Weather jokes

Two muffins are sitting in an oven and one says to the other:
"Man, it's hot in here!"
The other one says:
"Ah! A talking muffin!"

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Men jokes Life Jokes Food Jokes Communication Jokes

Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood.
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said.
"What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said.
"I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said.
"How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes

My wife left for her Father's home for vacation yesterday, when I was at my office.
When I reached home, I found this note stick on the television.
I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids and these are the instructions and warnings for you....
- No need to call your friends and cousins. Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa...
2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time...
Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom?
3 - Keep your spe cs in the box..
Last time around it was found in the refrigerator.
4 - Salary already paid to maid.
No need to be extra generous.
5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?
Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs...
And our laundry person and milkman are also different.
6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kids'...
Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work....
7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright.
No need to go to that young lady doctor again and again.
8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you have already attended.
No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday..
9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days.
So sleep early....
10 - Stop smiling and being happy... as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee...
They all w ill be out of station in this period....
11. Do not knock on the doors of that KALMUHI Priya, next door, on pretext of asking Sugar milk coffee powder or so one.
I stocked all these in kitchen cabinet. rnrnAnd last but not the least.
12 - Don't try to be oversmart.. rnI may be back any moment without informing you.

Happy vacation

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Stupid Jokes Coffee Jokes

What did the potato chip say to the battery?
If you're Eveready, I'm Frito Lay.

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Food Jokes