Friendship Jokes

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Food Jokes Friendship Jokes
Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with “Somebody’s gonna get it tonight!” In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor.
“What you need,” he said, “is a female parrot too. I don’t have one on hand, but I’ll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives.”
Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn’t care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn’t her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap. Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things hadn’t changed.
“Somebody’s gonna get it tonight! Somebody’s gonna get it tonight!” the parrot said.
The owl said, “Who? Who?”
And the parrot said, “Not you, you big-eyed Son of a Вiтсh.
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An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.
“I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before they throw the dirt on me at my burial, I want you each to toss in an envelope with $30,000 within.”
The three attended the funeral and each threw his envelope in the grave. On the way back from the cemetery, the pastor said, “I must confess. I needed $10,000 for my new church, so I only threw in $20,000.”
The doctor then said, “I must confess too. I needed $20,000 for a new hospital I was opening up, so I only threw in $10,000.”
The lawyer looked at them both and shook his head. He then said, “Gentlemen, I’m surprised, shocked, and ashamed of you. I don’t see how you could dare to go against that man’s final wish. I mean, I threw in my personal check for the full amount.”
Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Lawyer Jokes
In New York Petrol Pump was inaugurated. The business was a bit slow. The owner thought of putting a promotional scheme. After a lot of brainstorming he decided on a novel, exciting plan. Next day he put a banner on his Pump saying," Buy $ 50.00 worth of Petrol and get free Sеx !!!...* Conditions Apply."
Anant read the banner and drove in for a refill. He filled 50 $ worth of petrol and asked for free sеx. The attendant directed him to the office. The man in the office saw his receipt of $. 50 and said that yes, he was eligible for free sеx but he will have to guess any number from 1 to 9 and if his guess matched today number picked by the pump management, he would get free sеx.
Anant guessed 7. The clerk looked into his folder and said, sorry, the number doesn't match. better luck next time.
After a week Anant went for a fill again. this time he guessed 3 and the clerk said sorry the number didn't match. He was really disappointed and was going back to his car when he met his ракi friend. He told him his predicament and said he thought this scheme was a fraud.
The pakistani said,
" It surely isn't a fraud. My wife got lucky twice to have free sеx !
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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Sexist Jokes
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom and gloom pessimist. ….
….
Just to see what would happen, on the twins’ birthday, their father loaded the pessimist’s room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist’s room he loaded with horse manure.
….
….
That night the father passed by the pessimist’s room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
“Why are you crying?” the father asked.
“Because my friends will be jealous, I’ll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I’ll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken.” answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin’s room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. “What are you so happy about?” he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”
Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes
Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, Pop-N-Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Known to friends as Brown-n-serve. Fresh was an avid gardener and tennis player.
Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Skippy.
The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded."
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes - conned by those who buttered him up. Still, even as crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and another bun in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
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