God - Page 13

A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying nакеd on the bed.
After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a nакеd man standing there.
"Who the hеll are you?" he yells.
The nакеd guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing nакеd?"
He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"

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A man is talking to the tax inspector who’s come to review his records.
The inspector says, ‘As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to pay them with a smile.’
‘Thank God for that,’ replies the man.
‘I thought you were going to ask for cash.’

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Money jokes God Jokes Men jokes

Men Are Here Because...
Why did God create man?Because vibrators can't mow the lawn!

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Men vs Women Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Insult Jokes God Jokes Sexist Jokes

Q: Why do blacks have flat noses?
A: That's where God put his foot when he pulled off their tails.

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God Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Death is God’s way of saying, ‘Hey, you’re not alive any more.’

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God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Three blonde men are on one side of a wide river and don't know how to get across.
The first man prays to God to make him smart enough to figure out how to cross the river, so God turns him into a brown-haired man and he swims across.
The second man prays to God to make him even smarter, so God turns him into a dark-haired man and he builds a boat and rows across.
Then the third man prays to God to make him the smartest of all, so God turns him into a woman and she walks across the bridge.

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Jokes about Women God Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes

One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but couldn't figure out how to cross it.
The first man prayed to God saying, Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river.
Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, Please God, give me the strength, courage, and ability to cross this river. Рооf! God gave him the skill to chop down a tree and fashion it into a rowboat; he was able to row across the river in about three hours.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two,so he also prayed to God saying, Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river. Рооf! God turned him into a woman, and he walked across the bridge.

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Men vs Women Jokes Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus birthday.
Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

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Birthday Jokes God Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big?
A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.

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God Jokes Dirty jokes Black People Jokes

Chuck Norris was worshipped as a god by the Eskimos.
That is why they had igloos modeled after his signature move.

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God Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Jesus walks into a hotel, rings the веll, and waits for the receptionist to come out.
He looks her dead in the eye, slams three nails on the counter, and says,
"Can you put me up for the night?"

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God Jokes Hotel Jokes

If you want to know God’s opinion of money just look at the people He gave it to.

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Money jokes God Jokes

There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods...
Cats have never forgotten this.
Here's proof that Cats are smarter than dogs...
You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later.
People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life. Dogs believe they are human.
Cats believe they are God!
Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel.
I got rid of my husband.
The cat was allergic. My husband said it was him or the cat...
I miss him sometimes.
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit!

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God Jokes Animal Jokes Dog jokes

My insurance policy says:
"Does not cover acts of God, or Chuck Norris."

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God Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Insurance Comedy

A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool.
The Peacher asked God:
"Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?"
God Replied:
"He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."

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God Jokes Lawyer Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

God called a meeting of George Bush, Tony Blair and Bill Gates.
‘I’ve given you all the tools you needed to make a better world,’ says God.
‘But you’ve failed and I’m ending the world in two weeks.’
Bush goes on TV and says, ‘I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that God exists. The bad news is that the world will end in two weeks.’
Tony Blair says, ‘I have bad news and really bad news.
The bad news is that God is really annoyed.
The really bad news is he’s going to destroy us.’
Bill Gates calls his workers together and says, ‘I have good news and great news.
The good news is that God thinks I’m one of the three most powerful people in the world.
The great news is that we don’t have to fix the bugs in the new Windows package.’

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Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes God Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes American Presidents Humor

Chuck Norris, Mr T and Arnold Swieznigger died in a plane crash they got to heavens door way and god asked them what there business is. Arnold replied "I want to be your right hand man".
Mr T said "I wanna be your left hand man".
Chuck Norris said "get the fuск out of my chair".

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Aviation Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes God Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Business jokes

Why did God give women belly buttons?
For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women God Jokes Dirty jokes

A drunк Alaskan decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but just then a booming voice says, "You will find no fish there."
The drunк ignores it and continues sawing. The voice repeats, "You will find no fish under the ice."
The drunк looks up and says, "God, is that you?"
The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."

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Sports Jokes God Jokes Boss Jokes