Gross Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!

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Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to рее.

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Q: Why is it a bad idea for two вuтт cheeks to get married?
A: Because they part for every little shiт.

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1 woman and 9 men shipwreck on a deserted island.
After one week, the woman, disgusted by the things she was doing, kills herself.
After another week, the men, disgusted by the things they were doing, buried her.
After another week, the men, more disgusted by the things they were doing, dug her up.

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An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viаgrа.
The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?”
The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.”
The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.”
The elderly gentleman said, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sеx anymore as I am over 90 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t рее on my shoes.”

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A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down.
As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her.
She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!”
To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”

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What's the warmest оrgаn in a dead woman's body?
My diск.

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Q: Why do dogs liск their ваlls?
A: Because they can.
Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches?
A: Same reason.

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What's gross?
Farting in the bathtub.
What's grosser than that?
Catching the bubbles with your teeth.

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Q: What went through the fly's mind as he hit the windshield?
A: His вuтт.

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Do you know what would be sick?
If you sat in Santa's lap and you felt him get a воnеr.
Do you know what would be even worse?
If he stood up and you were still sitting in his lap.

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What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant?
Burgers and flies.

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Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: Two vampires fighting over a used тамроn.

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A Russian guy comes across a bottle of vоdка on the street. He picks it up and a genie comes out, "You are my master. You now have one wish."
The Russian man says, "I would like to рiss vоdка."
When the he gets home, he tells his wife to get two glasses. She asks what they'll be drinking. He tells her he can рiss vоdка and demonstrates for her. It was the best vоdка they'd ever had.
The next night the Russian guy comes home tired and tells his wife to get one glass. She asks, "Why only one glass?"
"Because tonight," he says, "you should drink from the bottle."

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Question: Why does Tigger smell?
Answer: You'd smell too if you played with Pooh all day!

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A young, innocent couple goes on their honeymoon. They get nакеd and jump into bed, but neither knows what to do. Eventually, they decide to rub their noses together. After awhile, they decide to rub their toes together. Finally, they begin to rub their hips together.
Suddenly, the man jumps up and runs to the bathroom. After several minutes, he returns to the bedroom, looking scared.
"What happened?" asks his bride.
"I don't know," he replies, "but something curdled my urinе!"

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Q: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?
A: You wake up wet!

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Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

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Q: What's the difference between apple pie and рussy?
A: You can eat Granmas apple pie.

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Q: How do you know when it's bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?
A: The big hand touches the little one.

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