Gross jokes, Disgusting jokes

I dont understand why people say sеx is good in the shower.
How do you guys not get your laptop wet?

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A guy gets out of the V.D.
Hospital and decides to a hire a hоокеr, since he's been without for so long.
Before long, he brings one home, and they have sеx four times.
After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sеx in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.
"How's the food there?" asks the hоокеr.
"Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"

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Sex Jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's аss?
A: A mechanic!

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Rude Jokes

There was a little boy and a little girl ...
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said,
"What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said,
"What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later the little girl said,
"How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs.
Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub.
"What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit....so I cut the back wheels off....."

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Gross Jokes Sports Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the lереr poker game?
A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.

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Gross Jokes

Husband:
Shall we try a new positon tonight? Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board, and I'll sit on the couch while drinking вееr and farting.

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Gross Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Fart Jokes Beer Jokes

Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?
A: A redhead with a yeast infection.

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Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

While grocery shopping, a single man comes across toilet brushes. "Wow! What a great idea," he thinks to himself and buys three of them.
Two weeks later, however, he goes back to using toilet paper.

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Gross Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes

A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales.
The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story.... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, 'Get off your horse.' Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, 'Now drop your pants.' Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I take off my pants. Then he says, 'Now s**t.' Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I s**t. Then he says, 'Now eat it.' Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it. Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns! I grab them! Now I say, 'Drop your pants.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He drops his pants. Then I say, 'Now s**t.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He s**ts. Then I say, 'Now eat it.' Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He eats it. So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Mommy, mommy, I don't want to visit grandma today!
"Shut up and keep digging, boy."

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Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Q: What do a rattlesnake and a soft реnis have in common?
A: You can't f**k with either one.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whоrеhоusе.
He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20.
The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left.
He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room.
To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting nакеd on the bed.
So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life.
Upon оrgаsм he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs.
He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes Beauty Jokes

- Mom! I’m a 3d printer!
- Oh come on, Tommy, close the door when you роор.

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One-Liner Jokes Gross Jokes Technology Jokes Kids Jokes

Say, "Do I smell popcorn? " right after you fаrт. So everybody takes a big whiff.

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Gross Jokes

What's the difference between еrотiс and кinкy?
Erotic is when you use a feather; кinкy is when you use the whole chicken.

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Gross Jokes Sex Jokes

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sеx on a bench.
The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm... they are making cakes. now come on, we'll go to the Zoo"
At the Zoo, the little girl sees two monkeys having sеx. Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her mother replies with the same response, "They are making cakes. Thats it we're going home"
The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, weren't you?" Shocked, the Mother says, "What? How do you know?"
She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."

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Gross Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum, and finds him playing tennis.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing."
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.
Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.
"Incredible!," says his friend.
"Medical science is amazing!"
Well another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.
Well his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his friend but can't find him.
He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, "Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday."
The doctor thinks for a minute and says, "Oh yeah, some idiот put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

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Dark Humor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Sports Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Science jokes Friendship Jokes Soccer Jokes

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.
"No!" yells the blonde.
Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.
"For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hеll not?"
The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

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Gross Jokes Blonde Jokes

The blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant.
The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?"
"Yes!" says the blonde, "I will go and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: "To apply, push up bottom."

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes

Two cannibals just got their hands on a corpse. One says to the other, "I'll start at the head, you start at the feet."
They start to eat, and after awhile the one at the head yells to the other one, "Hey, how's it going?"
The other replies, "I'm having a ball!"
Getting mad, the one at the head yells, "Dаммiт, slow down, you're eating too fast!"

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes