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Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it. So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hеll with it," and decides to go to sleep. The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the вuтт with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!" And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?" William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Сhrisт!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep. This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again. Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
At a restaurant, one of the customers notices that all of the waiters have two spoons in their vest pockets. A waiter explains, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware is spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."
Then the customer notices a string hanging out of all the waiters' flies. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explains the waiter. "That way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims straight, and we don't need to use our hands."
The customer asks, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?"
The waiter replies, "Well, that's another reason we carry the spoons."
At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead.
The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him.
Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd.
"Let me at him, I can help him," she says.
"What can you do?" ask the rescue people.
"We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late."
"I can," says the woman. "Stand back!"
And she promptly takes off her раnтiеs, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face.
Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up.
"What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed.
The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."
One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty sтеамy.
All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand.
She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom.
"Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!"
"I have two words for you -- LET GO!"