Irish jokes - Page 3

"I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."

"Oh, really?"

"No, O'Reilly!"

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Раddy says to Мiск - I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Мiск asks - So what are you going to do this year?. Раddy replies, - I’ll take her with me!

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Irish jokes Military Jokes

Раddy says to Мiск, “Christmas is on a Friday this year”…. Мiск says “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

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Christmas Jokes Irish jokes

A cop comes across some smoked up Irish lad crawling around on the railway track and says, “What do you think you’re doing mate?”
The bloke responds, “Oh, thank fuск officer. Could you help me get off this ladder?”

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Irish jokes Office and Work Jokes

Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman, are walking through a field in Normandy during WW1, all of a sudden they see the German army coming over the hill, thinking quickly they run and hide in a nearby barn.
The German army follow them into the barn and can see lots of sacks of grain.
The soldiers start kicking the bags they get to the Englishman hiding in a sack, they kick it, “woof” goes the Englishman, the German soldiers say it’s a dog and move on.
They get to the Scotsman hiding in a sack, they kick it, “meow” goes th scots man, the German soldier say it’s a cat and move on.
They finally come to the Irishman hiding in a sack, they kick it. The Irishman shouts “POTATOES”

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Military Jokes Men jokes Irish jokes Scottish Jokes Dog jokes

At a wedding party recently, someone yelled, "All the married men, please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!" The bartender was crushed to death.

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Irish jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Wedding jokes

T here is an Irish man getting ready to jump to his death from a bridge when a Priest walks past.
The man turns to the Priest and says, “Don’t try to stop me father, I’m going to jump.”
“Don’t jump.” says the Priest, “It can’t be that bad. Think of the life you have yet to live.”
“That’s one of the reasons I’m jumping” Says the Irish man.
“Well if that won’t stop you, think about your family.” says the Priest.
“That’s another reason.” says the Irish man.
“Well think about your job.” says the Priest.
“There’s another reason.” says the Irish man.
“Well if that won’t stop you think about St. Patrick.” says the Priest. “Who’s that?” asks the Irish man.
“Jump you Protestant ваsтаrd.” says the Priest.

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Irish jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Priest Jokes

Раddy joins the suicide squad and is given a mission to infiltrate the enemy camp. His commander supplies him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy camp and calls his Commander: Sir, there are 2 enemy soldiers, can I do it now ?
Commander : No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Paddy : Sir now there are 25 soldiers, can I do it now?
Commander : Wait for more.
Paddy : Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I do it now?
Commander : Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, dont worry about your family, we will look after them.
Paddy pulls out his knife and stabs himself in his chest.

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Military Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Irish jokes

Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland.
He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him, “Where am I ?”
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back, “You can’t fool me. You’re in that basket up there.”

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Irish jokes Men jokes

Раddy always slept with his gun under his pillow. One night, hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he shot off his big toe. …
…
‘Begosh and Begorrah, Thank the Lord I wasn’t sleeping at the other end of me bed,’ Раddy said to his friends in Donegal’s Pub. ‘I would have blown me fool head off.’

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Irish jokes Friendship Jokes

Раddy set out on a very windy day to see his friend Мiск who was sick in bed.
Hours later, he pulled his weary body into Мiск’s house.
Mick asked him how it was.
“I’ll tell ya, it was just brutal. For every step I took forwards, I fell back two steps.”
“Then how ever did you make it over here?” Мiск asked.
“Well, finally I gave up, so I turned around and headed for home.”

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Irish jokes Friendship Jokes

Раddy’s wife gave birth to triplets..
“How in God’s name did that happen ?” says Paddy
“Remember that night when i was very dry and we had no Vaseline so we used 3 in 1 oil ?”
“Вlооdy hеll” says Раddy “I’m fuскin glad i didn’t use WD40” .

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Irish jokes God Jokes

Раddy was driving his lorry (truck) when he saw a bridge with a sign saying “10 foot max. headroom.” He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not , ‘A Shure an’ Begorrah, I’ll give it a go,’ he thought only to find that his lorry got wedged tight underneath it. …
…
Раddy sat back in his seat, poured out a cup of tea and lit a cigarette. A policeman arrived a short time later and knocked on the cab door which Раddy then opened, ‘what do you think you are doing?’ asked the policeman in a sharp tone. …
…
‘Sure I’m having me tea break,’ replied Раddy,
‘And what do you work at?’ asked the policeman,
‘Agh shure I deliver bridges,!’ smiled Раddy!

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Irish jokes

Мiск sits down and opens his new joke book.
As he starts flicking through the pages he shouts, “Раddy! Close those fuскing blinds quick!”
“Why, what’s wrong Мiск?” Раddy asks.
“Some сunт has been spying on us!”

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Irish jokes

Мiск and Раddy are walking along when Мiск falls down an open manhole. Раddy shouts down: “What shall I do?” Мiск barks back: “Call me an ambulance!” ….
….
Раddy then jumps up and down screaming: “Мiск is an ambulance, Мiск is an ambulance.”

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Irish jokes

Раddy is going really well on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He’s got to £125,000 with all his lifelines.
Chris: OK Раddy, for £250,000 which of the following was one of the Great Train Robbers was it:
Ronnie Biggs
Ronnie O’Sullivan
Ronnie Corbett
Ronnie Wood
Take your time
Раddy: I’ll take the money Chris
Chris: Are you sure, you’ve still got 3 lifelines
Раddy: I’m sure Chris,I’ll take the money
Chris: OK audience give him a big round of applause, but before you go Раddy I’m sure you’d like to know the answer.
Раddy: I know the answer Chris.
Chris: You know the answer? You’ve just turned down a quarter of a million quid, are you mad? are you mental?
Раddy: I may be mental Chris but I’m no feckin grass.

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Irish jokes Money jokes

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
“McTavish, Scotland” he says, “Discus” and in he walks.
The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
“Waddington-Smythe, England” he says, “Pole vault” and in he walks.
The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
“O’Malley, Ireland” he says, “Fencing.”

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Irish jokes Scottish Jokes

Раddy and his two friends are discussing the behaviour of their teenage daughters.
Dave says “I was shocked the other day. I was in my 14 year old daughters bedroom and I found a packet of cigarettes. I didn’t evn know she smoked!”
Mike replied, “That’s nothing, I was tidying my 14 year old’s room the other day and found a bottle of vоdка. I never knew she drank!”
Paddy looked at the other two, and said, “Well, I was in MY 14 year old’s room the other day, and under her pillow I found a packet of condoms! I never even knew she had a соск!!”

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Irish jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes

Murphy came home plastered for the third night in a row.
His wife dragged him to the window.
Pointing to the blazing lights of the distillery in the distance. See how big it is ?she said.
They can always make it faster than you can drink it.
Maybe so, said Murphy But Ive got them working nights…

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Irish jokes Office and Work Jokes

The Fire Brigade were trying to rescue an Irishman from the 10th floor of a burning building.
Fireman shouts: “Jump and we’ll catch you in this blanket!”
Irishman replies: “Fеск off, I don’t trust you, lay it on the floor!

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Irish jokes