Jewish Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

An old Jewish man gets on the subway in New York and sees a priest. He notices the white collar, and decides to ask what it’s about.
"Why do you wear your collar backwards?" The old Jewish man asks.
The Priest, being polite, responds, "Well, Sir, because I’m a father."
"I am a father too, but I wear my collar normal."
"Yes," the Priest begins, "but I am father of many."
The old Jewish man shakes his head. "I have 8 children, and so many grandchildren I don’t know most their names, and still my collar isn’t backwards."
The priest, aggitated, slams his fist in his palm "Sir! I am the father of hundreds!"
The elderly Jewish man, beweildered, stands to get off the subway, and leans over to the priest "Mister, maybe you should start wearing your pants backwards."

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How do you tell when time is reversing?
When a Jew drops a coin on the ground

32 0

I bought a Jewish sports car.
Not only will it stop on a dime, it will pick it up too.
I've heard they're gas guzzlers though.

31 0

What's the difference between a bullet and a Jew?
A bullet actually comes out of its chamber.

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One day Kermit the Frog was looking sad. Fozzie Bear went up to him and asked what was wrong.
Kermit said, "I'm having problems with Miss Piggy."
"Like what?" asked Fozzie.
"Well, Piggy wants me to eat her out and I can't."
Fozzie asked, "So, what's wrong with that?
You're not a рrudе or anything."
"No," sighed Kermit, "but I am a Jew."

30 0

Q: How do you fit 60,000 Jews in a minivan?
A: With a dustpan.

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Why do Jews watch роrn backwards?
Because their favorite part is when the hоокеr gives the money back.

29 0

Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car?
A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!

28 0

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father:
“Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?”
The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?”
“Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

26 0

What do you call a old snowman?
Water.

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Two rabbis prepare to wash the cadaver of a recently deceased before burying him, according to a Jewish tradition.
The deceased possessed a tremendous sеxuаl оrgаn.
Aaron, you see what I am seeing?
Yes Jacob, I see it... it is as mine.
That long?
No, that dead.

25 0

A Jew, a German and an American walked into a small room. The Jew never came out.

25 0

How do you get a Jew to win a race?
Drop a quarter at the finish line.

25 0

Q: How many jews can you fit in a VW Beetle?
A: 54, two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray.

24 0

A Jewish guy got in a taxi cab...5 min into a ride the driver notice a man beating up a woman on the other side of the street.
The driver rush to the scene.
He open the door ran out as soon as he did that the Jewish guy roll down his window as fast as he can and shouted, "Stop it, stop it, stop the meter."

24 0

What was so bad about being a black Jew?
You had to sit in the back of the oven.

24 0

Whats the difference between a jew camp and a summer camp? The kids come back

23 0

An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup.
A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?"
And the man said,
"Where do get coffee for 3 cents?"
And the beggar said,
"Who buys retail?"

23 0

How do you start a Jewish parade?
Throw a penny down main street

22 0

Why do old Jews have outhouses?
Because their afraid of the showers.

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