Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

The b*tch of the class strutted up to a fат kid and asked,
"When is it due"
The girl thought for a moment then replied,
" I don't know, ask your boyfriend"

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Kid: Dear Santa send me a brother
Santa: Bring me your mother

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes

"Dad, where did I come from?" asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son. When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, "I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

I don't want to be younger, I really don't. Every time I look back a couple years, I think, 'God, what a jеrк I was.' But with that knowledge comes the realization that I'm a jеrк right now. I think that's why old people get real quiet. They're like, 'Man, I'm an idiот. I'm going to just stand right here.'

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Kids Jokes God Jokes Men jokes

So I go to McDonalds to get a drink when I see this fат girl bullying a mentally disabled kid. So I walk up to her.
Me: You know that can happen to any of us, right?
Girl: Well God gave me a mouth to speak with so I'm going to use it
Me: Yeah? Well God gave you a mouth to eat too, but you abused that privilege, didnt ya?
Girl:
- Speechless-
Me: Wipe that ketchup off your сhin, too.
Girl:
- Wipes сhin-
Me: No, your other сhin.

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes God Jokes Fat Jokes

Popular Kid: Your A Fail
Other Kid: Just Like Your Abortion! Twice!
Whole Class: OOOO

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

If the 9+10=21 kid was Chinese:
Guy: You sтuрid!
Kid: No I'm not!
Guy: What's 9+10?
Kid: Twenty wаng.

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Kids Jokes

The six year old asked his grandpa how old he was. Grandpa decided to have some fun and replied, "I really don't know."
The boy said,
"Why don't your look in your underwear?"
"Why would I do that?" he replied in wonder.
"Well mine says 4 to 6 and I am six years old."

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Kids Jokes

Woke up early and punched the missus in the face,
This woke the kids up so I gave them a couple of jabs on the stomach,
The dog came running in so I gave him an uppercut.
I fuскing love Boxing Day

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Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes

When I was a kid, my parents gave me a drum set for Christmas. They let me ваng them as long as it wasn’t after midnight.
They always slept better after being banged.

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Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.
Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping.
His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Dad!"

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Dad: Son!
Kid: What?
Dad: Where's your homework?
Kid: Oh, it's done.
Dad: I said WHERE.
Kid: in the world.
Dad: Where in the world?
Kid: In our home, duh
Dad: Where in the home?
Kid: Which home?
Dad: Our home!
Kid: Who is our?
Dad: You, your mother and I
Kid: Which eye? The left or right?
Dad: Shut up!
Kid: Who?
Dad: You!
Kid: When?
****Dad leaves home****

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

I was such a mean little kid. I was like, 'Dad, you know what? You can't tell me what to do. You're not even my real father.' He's like, 'Watch your mouth, boy. I still got the receipt.'

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Kids Jokes Dad Jokes

Trying to give my kids an education in Los Angeles is a nightmare. The guns, the gangs, the drugs -- and I'm home schooling them.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid:
'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.' Yeah, where is that? 'Cause I wanna move there.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Chuck Norris burns calories by chucking fат kids into the fire.

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Kids Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Fat Jokes

Yo mama so fат when she put a yellow jacket on kids say get ready here come the bus!!!!!

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Kids Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes

Here about the kid who at 5 cans of alphabet soup in one sitting?
They say he later had a massive 'vowel' movement.

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Kids Jokes Food Jokes

It was the first day of school after summer vacation.
The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.
THEN…In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.
The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.
After about a minute or so, he spoke...
"From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.
You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.
Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.
The first one is "gross"
And the other one is "cool"
Are there any questions?"
After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand,
And the teacher calls upon him.
In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks...
"So, what are they?"

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Gross Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes

I once bought my kid a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying “Toys not included.”

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Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes