Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance.
The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change.
As he put his arms around me, he declared, "Wow Mom, you smell just like Froot Loops!"

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Kids Jokes

Billy and Tommy were watching a boat pull a man on skis across the lake.
“What makes that boat go so fast?” asked little Billy.
It’s because that man on the string is chasing it,” said Tommy.

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

See, the rules have changed, men. It's a different world. I've got a mini van. My father never had a minivan. I grew up in the late 60s, early 70s. He had a '68 Chrysler with vinyl seats, he made a turn -- my brother and I were hanging out of the window. He didn't care. He was trying to lose us.

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

It is better to be on seventh heaven, rather than on the seventh month.

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Kids Jokes

Why is it called a 'Picnic'?
Betty Sue wanted to eat outside on a hot summer day with her boyfriend. Problem: she had two boyfriends, Fred and Nick. Considering she knew she wouldn't have a very happy lunch if the two boys were arguing, she decided just to choose one boy to have the meal.
She Picked Nick.

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Kids Jokes

A little Henry sits at the dinner table, reaches into his plate, picks up a chicken leg, and starts to eat. His mother says,
"Henry did you wash your hands?" Henry replies,
"No! I don’t want my chicken to taste like soap mom!

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Kids Jokes

If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

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Kids Jokes

Mom:
"Eat your vegetables."
Kid:
"I hate vegetables!"
Mom:
"But they like you."
Kid:
"That's because I don't eat them!"

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes

Mother had just finished waxing the floors when she heard her young son opening the front door. She shouted, “Be careful on that floor, Jimmy; it’s just been waxed.”
Jimmy, walking right in, replied, “Don’t worry, Mom, I’m wearing my cleats.”

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Kids Jokes

How does a homeschooler change a light bulb?
First, mom checks out three books at the library on electricity, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a sкiт based on his life. Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five-dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five-dollar bill. Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed and there is light.

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School Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes

Does anyone remember when it was normal for kids to go outside and be gone all day, but parents wouldn’t know where you were, just that you better be home when it is dark?

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Kids Jokes

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it. The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked,
"What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

So I read this article in the papers about a 14-year old girl’s bet to have sеx with 100 men in one year.
It disgusts me to see kids betting.

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News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

My kid asked me a funny question today, he said “Dad do you know anything about contraception?”, I said “If I did you wouldn’t be here.

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Kids Jokes Relationship Jokes Dad Jokes

A recent report says that 60% of 14 yr old girls in Liverpool go binge drinkin.
That’s terrible ….. Who’s looking after their kids.

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Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Ten Reasons You Might Be A Redneck …
….. ….
1. You ever cut your grass and found a car. ….
….
2. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren’t. ….
…..
3. Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.” …
….
4. You were shooting pool when one of your kids was born.
5. Your mother has “ammo” on her Christmas list.
6. Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
7. There are more than five crumpled McDonald’s bags in your car.
8. There has ever been сriме-scene tape on your bathroom door.
9. The primary color of your car is Bondo.
10. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

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Kids Jokes Christmas Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Making conversation with the boy who enjoyed watching tv ads, the pediatrician asked six-year-old patient, "Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”
“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.
“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?”
“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s sure worth two dollars. With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to.”

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

My wife took it pretty hard when I told her I didn’t want kids…
But it seemed to hit our children hardest of all.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

I bet you guys are probably saying, 'Victor, you're a black albino. How come don't you eat babies?' You guys, that is a myth and a stereotype, OK? Honestly, you guys, I don't eat babies; I don't have red eyes -- except for when I'm feeding, so I want you to know what's real and what's not.

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Kids Jokes

Child: Mama, why don't the Berenstain Bears wear shoes?
Mother: Because they prefer bear feet.

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Kids Jokes