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Little Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny’s teacher was teaching the kids about starvation.
Being a good teacher she decided to call on selected students to draw a picture of starvation on the board.
Sue went first, she drew a round circle with three little lines in the middle of the circle.
The teacher said, “that’s very good Sue. What is it?”
Sue said, “that’s a plate with only three carrot sticks to eat, I think that …represents starvation.”
Next went Dan, he drew a round circle with 3 dots in the middle. The teacher said, “that’s good Dan. What is it?”
Dan said, “that’s a plate with only 3 peas to eat. I think that represents starvation.”
Johnny went next. He drew a picture of a round circle with little squiggely lines all over in the circle.
The teacher said, “that’s good Johnny. What is it?”
Johnny said, “that’s an a-hole with cob webs…….. If that isn’t starvation, I don’t know what is.
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Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes
Teacher: OK, Little Johnny, point to the USA on the map.
Little Johnny: OK!
Little Johnny points to the USA.
Teacher: Great job, Johnny! Now, who discovered the USA?
Little Johnny: I did!
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Little Johnny Jokes USA Jokes
At dinner with friends and family Johnny was asked to say the prayer. "But I don't know how to pray," he replied.
"Just pray for your family, friends and neighbors, the poor, etc," said his father.
"Okay," the boy said.
"Dear Lord,.. Thank you for our visitors and their children, who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they won't come again. Forgive our neighbors son, who removed my sister's clothes and wrestled with her on the bed. This coming Christmas, please send clothes to all those poor ladies on my Daddy's Blackberry who do not have any clothes. And provide shelter for the homeless man who uses Mom's room when Daddy is at work.... AMEN"
Dinner was cancelled.
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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes Christmas Jokes Friendship Jokes
Teacher: Johnny what do you want to be when you grow up?
Johnny: Either an animal Vet or a Taxidermist.
Teacher: Why did you choose such different careers?
Johnny: Well, either way you get your dog back.
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Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes
Teacher:
"Little Johnny, spell 'blind pig'."
Little Johnny:
"B-L-N-D, space, P-G."
Teacher:
"You forgot the two I's."
Little Johnny:
"No, I didn't. A blind pig has no I's."
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Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, “Hello class, I’m Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an “r ” after the first letter. ”
The entire class says, “Hello Mrs. Prussy. ”
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, “I remember it has an “r ” after the first letter. “That’s right! ” she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, “was it …Mrs. Crunt? “
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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes
Teacher: Why are you talking?
Little Johnny: Well God gave me a mouth so I'm allowed to use it.
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Little Johnny Jokes God Jokes
Little Johnny goes into school after being absent the previous day.
His teacher demands, “Where were you yesterday?”
“I’m sorry Miss, my dad got burnt,” replies Johnny.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I hope it wasn’t serious.” says the teacher.
To which Johnny replies, “Well, they don’t fсuк about at the crematorium, Miss.”
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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes
Little Johnny asked his Grandma how old she was.
Grandma answered, "39 and holding."
Johnny thought about that and then asked,
"And how old would you be if you let go?"
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Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny is walking down the hall when he hears a noise from his parents room. He knocks on the door and asks his mom what’s going on. “Playing cards,” she replies. “Who’s your partner?” asked little johnny. “Your father!”
Content with his answer, Little Johnny walks further down the hall towards his room when he hears the same noise coming from his sister’s room. Again, he knocks on the door and asked his sister what was she doing. “Playing cards.”
“With who?” he asks. “My boyfriend!” she says.
A short while later, Little Johnny’s father is walking down the hall and hears a noise coming from Little Johnny’s room. He knocks on the door and asks “What are you doing?”
“Playing cards!” replied Johnny. “Who’s your partner?” asked his father…
Little Johnny answers promptly, “With a hand like this who needs a partner?”
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Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny walked in on his parents doing it. "What are you doing" he asked. The father quickly replied, "Oh, I'm playing cards. Your mother is my wild card."
"Oh, ok" Johnny replied. The next day, Johnny walks in to a room to find his father маsтurватing. He says,
"What are you doing".
"Oh playing cards again" the father replied. "But wheres your wild card" Johnny asked. His father looks at him seriously and says,
"Son, you don't need a wild card if you have a good hand"
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Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes
Johnny asked for time off because his wife was going to have a baby. The following day, his boss asked him what it was - a boy or a girl.
“Too early to say,” said Johnny.”
“it’ll be another 9 months before we know the answer to that.”
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Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny was sitting in his second grade class when he looked out the window and saw two dogs going at it in the school yard. He jumped up and hollered, “Hey, everyone! look at that!”
The teacher ran to the window and pulled the blind.
A little girl in the front row said, “Teacher, what was those two dogs doing?
The teacher said that the dog on top had a broken leg, and the dog on the bottom was helping him get home.
Little Johnny then said, “Teacher, ain’t that just like life, you try to help someone out and end up getting sсrеwеd?”
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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes
Teacher: If you had 4 ваlls in your left pocket and 6 ваlls in your right pocket, what would you have?
Little Johnny: Really big pockets!
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Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny is sitting in front of the TV watching a program about NASA.
“I wish I could be shot into space” he said.
“You would have been if your father had done what he was told” replies his mother.
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Little Johnny Jokes
“Now,” says the teacher, “who can name me some flowers with multiple syllables?”
“Daff-o-dil,” says Little Susie.
“Very nice,” says the teacher, “very nice!”
“Car-na-tion,” says Little Bobby.
“Very nice,” says the teacher, “very nice!”
“Dan-de-li-on,” says Little Betty.
“Very nice,” says the teacher, “very nice!”
“Fell-at-i-o,” says Little Johnny.
“That’s not a flower,” says the teacher.
“No,” says Johnny, “but it’s very nice.”..
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Little Johnny Jokes
L ittle Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms. His dad said,” Well, Johnny, can you touch your аsshоlе with your diск?” Johnny said, “No!!” Johnny’s dad said, “Well, there’s your answer.”
Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios. His dad, again, said, “Can you touch your аsshоlе with your diск?” Johnny said,”No!!” His dad said, “Well, there’s your answer.” At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny’s dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket. Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!! His dad said,”Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man? Johnny asked,”Dad, can you touch your аsshоlе with your diск?” Johnny’s dad said.,”As a matter of fact, I can!”
Johnny said,”GOOD, GO FUСК YOURSELF!!”
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Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes
The English teacher asks if any student can name two words that don’t belong together in a sentence.
Little Johnny raised his hand, "I know, I know… 'man bun' right?"
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Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes
Little Johnny is riding in the car with his mom.
Little Johnny: Mommy, why is there a deer lying down on the side of the road?
Mommy: He's sleeping.
Little Johnny: Why on the side of the road?
Mommy: He likes the sound of the cars driving by, it's very soothing.
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Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny was left to fix lunch.
When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea. The two women then sipped their tea happily while having lunch.
"Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" Johnny's mother asked.
"I couldn't find it Ma, so I used the fly swatter," he replied.
His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added:
"Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old one!"
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