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Вицове за Мастурбация и Самозадоволяване Masturbation jokes Onaniewitze Chistes de masturbación Анекдоты про мастурбацию Blagues sur la masturbation Barzellette sulla Masturbazione Ανέκδοτα για αυνανισμό Вицеви за мастурбација Mastürbasyon Fıkraları Жарти про мастурбацію Piadas sobre Masturbação Dowcipy o masturbacji Onanivitsar Masturbatiemoppen Onanivittigheder Onanivitser Masturbointivitsit Maszturbációs Viccek Glume despre Masturbare Vtipy o Masturbaci Anekdotai apie Masturbaciją Joki par Masturbāciju Vicevi o Masturbaciji
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Masturbation jokes

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My doctor told me that “1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die.”
The other two apparently become immortal.
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Masturbation jokes
I’ve just received a text from my girlfriend that reads:
“Hello birthday boy. When you get home from work, there’ll be a hot bath waiting for you. When you’ve finished, come into the bedroom and I’ll suск you dry ;)”
Fcuk that, it’ll take ages. I’ll just use a towel.
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Office and Work Jokes Masturbation jokes
I was at work yesterday and one of the women from the office asked me what my ring tone was.
“Light brown, like everyone else,” I replied. These women are certainly a lot more forward than they used to be!
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Masturbation jokes
A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.”
He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck reverse piked with a double twist. This was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, “That was incredible!”
He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.”
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?”
“No.” she said, “I was a hоокеr in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal.”
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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes
A boy and his dad are talking..
“Hey Dad.”
“Yes son?”
“Did you ever get shot in the army?”
He looks at his son in silence. Tears start to form in the Dad’s eyes, and he quietly replies;
“No, but I was shot in the leggy.”
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Masturbation jokes Dad Jokes Military Jokes
Yo' mama so fат, she uses epileptic boys as vibrators!
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Yo Momma Jokes Masturbation jokes Fat Jokes
Yo' Mama is so skanky, her dildо came with jumper cables.
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Yo Momma Jokes Masturbation jokes
I met a girl who used маsтurвате to 2 girls 1 cup.
And that kids, is how j met your mother.
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Kids Jokes Gross Jokes Masturbation jokes
This sтuрid bug is appearing on a blasted line which would вlоw up the toilet.
Then they go like "Tom tom tom tom" then back to the toilet and stupidly disgusted by a recently married woman and erecting a man in a toilet.
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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Masturbation jokes
What’s red, black, red, black, red, black, red and white?
A niggеr that’s маsтurватing himself!
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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Masturbation jokes Black People Jokes
I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you маsтurвате”.
I said, “Is God a реdорhilе too, Father?”
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Catholic Jokes Masturbation jokes Priest Jokes
So I caught my girlfriend маsтurватing with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shiт, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
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Pervert Jokes Masturbation jokes
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity…
She kept screaming “I’m Wei Tu Yung” like I was supposed to know the name.
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Masturbation jokes
Маsтurватiоn is a touchy subject.
But оrаl sеx is a matter of taste.
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Masturbation jokes
A little boy opens the bathroom door without knocking, and sees his dad in there маsтurватing.
"Daddy, what are you doing?"
"Don't worry son, it's perfectly natural. You'll be doing it soon enough!"
"Why?"
"Well for starters, my arm's getting tired..."
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Incest jokes Masturbation jokes
Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlour to get a tattoo.
After it wouldn’t wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn’t there.
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Masturbation jokes
Q: What do you call a маsтurватing bull?
A: Beef Strokinoff.
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Men vs Women Jokes Masturbation jokes
I love Cosmopolitan Magazine.
I guess it's 'cause it's got a whole bunch of sеxy tips in it. I was reading it a couple weeks ago, and the best sеx, according to Cosmo, is spontaneous sеx. That sounds good, right? So here's what I did: a couple of days later, I was doing the dishes, and I just surprised myself and masturbated.
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Men vs Women Jokes Masturbation jokes
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice воовs, smoking hot body. She said to me,
“You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop маsтurватing.”
I asked why. She replied,
“Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
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Eye Exam Don't Question Your Doctor Untersuchung beim Urologen доктор говорит пациенту: - вам нужно прекратить мастурбировать. -... Старик пришел на прием к окулисту. - Госпожо, трябва да спрете маструбирането! Вчера ходих при джипи-то. A man is at the optometrist getting his eyes checked. A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating." Ein Mann beim Urologen. Der Urologe: „Sie müssen unbedingt mit dem Onanieren aufhören!“ Der Mann: „Warum denn das?“ Der Urologe: „Weil ich Sie sonst nicht untersuchen kann!“ Доктор към пациент: - Трябва да спрете да мастурбирате? - Защо, докторе? - Защото ми пречи да ви прегледам. Po badaniu okulista mówi do pacjenta: - Koniecznie powinien Pan ograniczyć onanizowanie się... - Jaki ma to wpływ na wzrok? - Na wzrok żaden, ale strasznie denerwuje Pan ludzi w poczekalni. En kille är hos doktorn, och läkaren säger: – Du måste sluta onanera! – Varför det? Är det farligt? – Nej, men det gör de andra patienterna upprörda! Kvinnen var hos gynekologen da gynekologen påpeker at hun må slutte å leke så mye med underlivet sitt. - Hvorfor det, jeg har hørt at onani er sunt svarte kvinnen. - Ja, det er sant det, men nå må... Arzt: Sie müssen dringend mit dem Mastubieren aufhören Patient: Warum? Arzt: Ich kann sie sonst nicht untersuchen En mand kommer ind til lægen. Lægen siger: “Du er nødt til at holde op med at onanere” Manden: “Hvorfor” Lægen: “Fordi ellers kan jeg ikke undersøge dig” Urologen säger till patienten: – Du måste sluta att onanera så häftigt. – Varför då? – Annars kan jag inte undersöka dig. Młoda i atrakcyjna lekarz geriatra bada sędziwego dziadka. Po kilku chwilach badania orzeka: - Musi pan przestać się onanizować. - Dlaczego?! - Bo probuję pana przebadać... Der Arzt zum Patienten: „Sie müssen dringend aufhören zu onanieren.“ Patient: „Wieso?“ Arzt: „Ich kann Sie so nicht untersuchen!“ Kävin lääkärissä valittamassa outoa alavatsakipua. Lääkäri käski minua lopettamaan masturbointi. ”Ai, onko se vaarallista”, kysyin. ”Ei”, vastasi lääkäri, ”mutta se häiritsee keskittymistäni”, Mikko meni taannoin lääkärille ja vastaanotolla lääkäri totesi: - Se on kulkaas nyt aika lopettaa masturbointi. - Miksi niin? Kysäisi Mikko. - Aion tutkia teidät nyt, vastasi lääkäri Doktorn: Du måste sluta onanera. Jag: Va? Du kan inte mena allvar! Varför? Doktorn: För att det här är ett väntrum Két barát beszélget: - Voltam orvosnál. - És, mi volt? - Azt mondta a doki, hogy hagyjam abba a maszturbálást. - Miért? - Mert nem tud megvizsgálni! Ārsts pacientam: "Jums jāpārtarauc masturbēt". - "Kāpēc, daktera kungs?"- "Tapēc , ka tas traucē jūsu apskati" Arzt: „Sie müssen sofort aufhören zu onanieren!“ Patient: „Wieso das denn?“ Arzt: „Weil ich Sie sonst nicht untersuchen kann!“
Pervert Jokes Masturbation jokes Boob Jokes
One, two, three, four I declare a thumb war!
Five, six, seven, eight I use this hand to маsтurвате!
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Military Jokes Masturbation jokes
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