Men jokes - Page 161

After a million years of human evolution, man has reached a point where he is now stupider than his telephone.

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NASA wishes to further their studies of the effects space flight has on the astronauts… For an upcoming mission they are sending men and women astronauts into space …
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They want to find out if outercourse is as pleasurable as inтеrсоursе.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Science jokes

When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, I think we all know what they are talking about.
Men’s wallets.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes

O ne day Tim decides to visit his old friend Joe who has been married to this really hot and beautiful model now for a couple of years. When he gets there he realizes that there is a long line of men standing outside Joe’s door.
After a few inquires he learns that Joe’s wife is having sеx with these men. Confused, Tim goes in to talk to his friend Joe. He asks Joe,”Man, why don’t you just divorce this unfaithful wife of yours?”.
Joe says , “Are you out of your mind! You want me to divorce her and go stand at the end of the line?”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes Sexist Jokes

I was in a nightclub queue when two blokes in front of me started arguing.
One guy pushed the other and said, “Four, nine.”
The other man pushed him back and said, “Sixteen, twenty-five.”
A bouncer reached for his walkie-talkie and said, “I need some help at the door. We’ve got a couple of men squaring up.”

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Men jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

They blame everything on El Nino. When I can't get it up, I go, 'Baby, it's El Nino. It ain't me, baby. I'm a man -- it's El Nino, see? -- it's a warm front in the ocean, that's why this ain't working.'

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Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

A man walks into a bar with his dog. …
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“This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?” he asks. …
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“You can have one on the house,” the bartender says. …
The man turns to his dog. “What goes on the top of a house?” …
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Dog: RRRRoof!!!. …
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Man:
“What does tree bark feel like?”
Dog: RRRRuufff!
Man:
“Who was the greatest baseball player ever?”
Dog: RRRuth!!.
The bartender is clearly annoyed and snaps at the man. “That’s enough. You and your dog, get out.”
After the man and the dog are thrown out, the dog looks sadly at his owner and says, “DiMaggio?”

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

I've always found the study of language intriguing. I had a linguistics professor who always said, 'It's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet.' I wouldn't go that far. I think what sets us apart from other animals is that we aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.

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Animal Jokes Men jokes

A drunken man walked up to a parking meter and puts in some change. The meter goes up to sixty and he says,
"Hey, I lost 100 pounds!"

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Man: Is your dad black?
Girl: No. Why do you ask?
Man: Because you’ve stolen my heart.

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Dad Jokes

Two men are drinking in a bar. One turns to the other and says,
"I bet you $100 that I can bite my eye." The second fellow thinks to himself, I guess he's had about enough, so he replies,
"OK, you're on." The first man takes out his glass eye and bites it. So the second man has to pay. Awhile later the first man says,
"I bet you $100 I can bite my other eye." The second man thinks, well, he can't have TWO glass eyes; he obviously can see. So he says,
"All right, you're on." The second man promptly takes out his false teeth and bites his other eye.

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A city feller was out driving in the mountains when around a curve a large mountain man stepped out and flagged him down. The city feller stopped, the mountain man got in and pulled a jar out of his coat pocket and said here take a pull out of this. The city feller said no thanks. The mountain man said no go ahead take a swig. The city feller again refused and said no I'm good. The mountain man now quite sternly demanded, I said take a drink, when the city feller once more refused the mountain man pulled a large horse pistol out of his pocket, pointed it at the city feller and roared, I said take a drink. The city feller said alright hand her here. He proceeded to take a healthy swig and for about 5 minutes he couldn't breathe, hear or see. When he finally got his wits about him, he asked the mountain man, how you can drink that stuff anyhow? The mountain man replied, I can't hardly, now you hold the gun on me and make me take a drink.

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Man: I want a вlоw job!
Woman: That’s not very romantic!
Man: Ok, I want a вlоw job next to a candle!!

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Thought Santa had visited my house early last night.
Was in my bedroom, looked up and saw a man with a big red round face and big fат belly too.
Turns out it was the mirror.

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Men jokes Christmas Jokes Fat Jokes

What if it had been three Wise Women instead of three Wise Men?…
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The gifts would have been more practical, they would have been wrapped, and the baby Jesus would have had more fun playing with the wrapping paper than the toy camels. ….
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Oh, and the women would have asked for directions, arrived on time, made several casserole dishes and cleaned the stable.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Christmas Jokes

This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p. M. for any one under seventeen years of age. He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a. M. if he wanted. “Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under seventeen and it has to be in the garage by eleven.” His father said.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor. Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor. But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up. The only exception is when it's raining. Why?
The man's a мidgет, and can't reach the buttons. When it's raining, he has his umbrella with him, so he can reach the 15 button with it.

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Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes

A man named Neil.. asked his doctor if there was a test to help him determine if he was gаy. The Doctor said, “Yes, there is. Please pull down your pants.”
Neil.. pulled down his pants, the doctor grabbed his testicles and told him to “say 55.”
Neil.. said “55.” The doctor then grabbed Neil.’s реnis and told him to “say 55.” Neil.. said “55.”
The doctor then told Neil.. to turn around, and putting a finger in Neil..’s аnus he once again told him to “say

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

A man goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor checks him out thoroughly doing various tests. He then goes back to his table and sits down. "I'm prescribing these pills for you," he says.
Noting the weird name of the prescription, the man asks, "What am I taking now?"
"Oh, I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

An elderly man just finished his annual physical, when the doctor came in grinning from ear-to-ear. "Fred, we did a full workup - heart, lungs, credit score, investments and guess what? You can afford to live another 15 years."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes