Men jokes - Page 180

Five men end up stranded on a tropical island. The only female around is a gorilla on the other end of the island. After one whole month the guys are all sitting around and Garry stands up and says, “I’m so hоrny, I can’t take it anymore!”
So he grabs a bag and storms off to the other side of the island with his pals right behind him. They catch the gorilla, each guy grabs an arm or leg and Garry puts the bag over the gorilla’s head. He climbs on top of the gorilla and begins to do the nasty.
The gorilla fights and struggles and finally gets an arm free and she wraps it around Garry’s back. Then she gets both feet free and wraps them around Garry’s waist. She gets her other arm free and grabs on to his hips and starts pulling him in harder and harder. Garry yells to his buddies….”Get it off!! Get it off!!
They said, “You’re on top, we can’t get her off of you.”
Garry said… “No, I mean the bag… I want to fсuкing kiss her!!!”

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I couldn’t help but over-hear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at the bar last night.|
One of the guys says to his buddy:
“Man you look tired.” His buddy says:
“Man I’m exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sеx all the time. She’s after me 3 and 4 times a day. I just don’t know what to do.”
A fellow about my age (72+), sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.
He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says:
“Marry her. That’ll put a stop to that shiт.”

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

“Poor Old fool,” thought the gentleman as he watched an old man trying to fish in a puddle of water outside of the bar. He decided to invite the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught so far?”
The old man replied, “You’re the eighth today.”

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

A man left the bar late one night after one too many drinks. He decided to walk home taking a shortcut through the grave yard. He fell into an open grave but failed to escape after many attempts.
What the man didn’t see was another guy from the bar who had previously fallen in and was curled up asleep at the other end of the grave. The guy woke up and said, “You’ll never make it out of here.”
Low and behold he made it out in one leap!

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Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

What do you get when you cross Mariah Carey and Elton John?
Nothing. Elton John prefers men.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men jokes

There was a man who once was a cannibalist, he said "I talian people tastes like Italian food" but what was his name?
Luis Suarez

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes

How do you know that Santa is a man? No woman wears the same attire every year.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Christmas Jokes

I think Christmas must be near,
The bin man said good morning to me.

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Men jokes Christmas Jokes

A man visiting a doctor says; Doctor I just dropped in to tell you how much I benefited from your treatment.
The doctor replied; but you are not one of my patients.
The man said: I know. But my uncle Bill was, and I am his heir.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

My girl Puerto Rican, man, and I don't think her family understands me. All they know is that I'm black and do comedy. They be calling me Eddie Murphy.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A study in Cosmopolitan magazine has found that obese men make better lovers, lasting an average of 48 minutes.
However, 46 of those minutes are spent looking for their соскs.

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Men jokes Fat Jokes

So there were 3 friends trapped on the desert.... They found a lamp that has a geni in it the geni said:I will give you 1 wish each the first guy wished to be home same with the second one the third man's wish is "I'm lonely I wish my 2 friends were here"

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes

An old man is talking to his friends. He says, “I’ve got my health, everything is fine, my mind, knock wood… who’s there?

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Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

You got Hillary running for senate. Yeah, that's what America needs -- another white male senator.

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Insult Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes

So there was a plane and in that plane was 4 people a Pilot,Lawyer,Priest, and a kid. The plane is going down and fast but there was only 3 parachutes so the pilot says "I have a family and a daughter that is expecting" he grabs a parachute and jumps off the plane. The lawyer says "well I'm the smartest man on earth so I have to live" he grabs a parachute and jumps off. So now there is only 1 parachute left the Priest notices this and tells the kid " Son go ahead take the last one I have lived my life" The boy looks around the plane and says "wait we can both live" the priest says " well how can that be?", the boy says " because the smartest man in the world just jumped off with my backpack" ????

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

One Friday afternoon, a man walks up to an ATM machine to deposit his check. Upon his turn, the ATM shuts down for repairs so the man walks into the bank. Inside the bank, there are about 30 people inside waiting to make transactions and the line is moving really, really slow.
The man gets impatient, sigh loudly, tapping his foot and making comments aloud. All of a sudden the man behind him reaches up and begins to massages his shoulders.
1st man - HEY! What are you doing?!?!
2nd man - Well sir, I'm a masseuse and you look a little tense so I thought I'd help you out with a massage!
1st man - Well, that's just great buddy. I'm a lawyer - you don't see me sсrеwing the guy in front of me, do ya?

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Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

L ittle Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms. His dad said,” Well, Johnny, can you touch your аsshоlе with your diск?” Johnny said, “No!!” Johnny’s dad said, “Well, there’s your answer.”
Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios. His dad, again, said, “Can you touch your аsshоlе with your diск?” Johnny said,”No!!” His dad said, “Well, there’s your answer.” At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny’s dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket. Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!! His dad said,”Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man? Johnny asked,”Dad, can you touch your аsshоlе with your diск?” Johnny’s dad said.,”As a matter of fact, I can!”
Johnny said,”GOOD, GO FUСК YOURSELF!!”

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Money jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes Dad Jokes

The English teacher asks if any student can name two words that don’t belong together in a sentence.
Little Johnny raised his hand, "I know, I know… 'man bun' right?"

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Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

My wife did something last night with her mouth that all men love…..
She shut it.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes