War and Military Jokes

One night, a lady with a black eye stumbled into the police station.
She told the desk sergeant that she had heard a noise in her back yard and gone to investigate.
The next thing she knew, she was hit in the face and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a few minutes later, also with a black eye.
‘Did you get hit by the same attacker?’ his captain asked.
‘No, sir,’ he replied. ‘I stepped on the same rake.’

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A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Yes?"
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said,
"Do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"
"8:25!"
The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.
"Sir, sir? It's 8:45!."

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Sports Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.
During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.
He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.
Well, sir," is the reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women.
And sir, sometimes the men have ... urges.
That's why we have the camel,sir."
"The Captain says,
"I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."
About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges, and asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent .
Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has sеx with the camel.
When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"
"No sir," the First Sergeant replies.
"They usually just ride the camel into town."

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Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles.
The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store.
At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approched the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means lay down a base of fire!).
The Marines promptly laid down a base of fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting.
The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!".

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Police Officer Jokes Military Jokes Communication Jokes

"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars."
"That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Insult Jokes Military Jokes Political Jokes

As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months.
One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job.
I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case.
"If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"

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Computer Jokes Technology Jokes Kids Jokes Military Jokes Sailor Jokes

Q: What did Data find when he went into the bathroom stall?
A: Captain's log.

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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes Military Jokes

Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945.
World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945.
What a coincidence.

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Military Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Old People Jokes

A couple who drove their car to K-Mart only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head.

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes Couple jokes Military Jokes

Did you hear about the gаy French General?
He blew Napoleon's Bonaparte!

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Military Jokes

The Swiss army uses a Chuck Norris knife.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Military Jokes

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.
They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Military Jokes

There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom.
The Marine goes to leave without washing up.
The sailor catches up with him later and says,
"In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies,
"In the Marines, they teach us not to рее on ours!"

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Dirty jokes Military Jokes Sailor Jokes

What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar?
He got bombed.

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Military Jokes News and Politics Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Q: Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss ?
A: He elected to receive.

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Military Jokes

What do you call 35,000 men with their hands up?
"Iraqi Army."

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Military Jokes Men jokes

Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand.
That pirate is now known as Captain Hook

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sailor Jokes Military Jokes Pirate Jokes

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.
He stopped the car and asked,
"Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"
"That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."
"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.
"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike.
"Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere."
"That there is," replied Irish Mike...." 'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."

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Police Officer Jokes Military Jokes

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Military Jokes

A Russian captain is trying to explain to his comrades the effects of atomic bombs:
"Now, imagine 20 no, 40, no... a 100 cases of vоdка and noone to drink them!"

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Russian Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Life Jokes Military Jokes