Old People Jokes

A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth.
Question:
What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
Answer:
A full bus of old men.

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Yo momma's so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said Lil Mary will never amount to anything.

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Dirty jokes Old People Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

When Chuck Norris is as old as dirt, he will be the salt of the earth.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Old People Jokes

An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urinе tests."
The woman says, "Well, can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application.
Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough.
He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof.
He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened.
She replies, “Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Relationship Jokes

A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking and one said, “We've been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great.
I’d recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What’s the name of the place?”
The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love?
The ones with red petals and thorns?”
“You must mean roses,” he replied.
“That’s it,” said the man.
He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

A 7-year-old boy and a 40-year old man are walking together in a dark forest.
The young boy says,
"I'm afraid..." The 40-year-old man replies," You're afraid?!
I have to walk out of here alone!"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

A retiree said to his 80 year old friend, “It it true you’re getting married?”
“Sure is.”
“Have I met her?”
“I don't think so.”
“Is she attractive?”
“Won't win any beauty contests.”
“Can she cook?”
“Can't even boil an egg.”
“Is she rich?”
“Rich? Heck, she's so poor she can't even pay attention.”
“She must be great in the sack then?”
“I haven't actually found out.”
“My God, man, why are you marrying her?”
“She can still drive.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes

A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says,
"My daddy's goy a car.
When he honks the horn it goes 'hоnкеy hоnкеy'".
Little white boy says,
"Shiт, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes 'run niggа niggа run'".

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Car and driving jokes Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

A couple celebrating their 50th anniversary had many well wishers stop by to congratulate them.
After all of their guest had left, the two settled into recliners.
“Mother,” the man said, “our marriage is tried and true.”
“What’s that you say?” she asked. “You know I can’t hear without my hearing aid.”
“I said, our marriage is tried and true,” he repated, a little louder.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

Chuck Norris helps little old ladies cross the street...
Bad guys get kicked to the curb!

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Chuck Norris Jokes Old People Jokes

May 6th, 1945: A then five-year old Chuck Norris swam the Atlantic Ocean.
The next day, the Nazis surrendered...

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Chuck Norris Jokes Old People Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hеll!"
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

Sеx at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

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Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

My father, a retired factory worker, keeps reminiscing about the "good 'ol days" of his younger years.

Then without skipping a beat, he'll say something like, "but it really isn't so bad nowadays."

Then he goes right back to how nice he had it as a teenager back in the 60's.

Then, right away it's back to the present, with "but technology today makes everything so much easier."

It's back and forth, back and forth from the present to the past, past to the present.

"You know dad," I finally told him, "you're nothing but a baby boomerang!"

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Office and Work Jokes Technology Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

What is so special about the retirement age?
"It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."

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Old People Jokes Office and Work Jokes

I saw the priest watching роrnоgrарhy.
Should I get jelous?
- Johnny, 11 years old.

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Little Johnny Jokes Old People Jokes Priest Jokes

Did you hear about the 9 year old African nigglet?
He was going through a mid-life crisis.

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Old People Jokes Black People Jokes

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter.
Mother:
"What does the соw say?"
Child:
"Moo!"
Mother:
"Great! What does the cat say?"
Child:
"Meow."
Mother:
"Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?"
And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes