Old People Jokes

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond оrgаn, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a соndом! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said,
"I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the оrgаn, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter."

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Your mamma so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas when Jusse said his first words you a hое.

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Christmas Jokes Old People Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!" the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs???"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the sтrоке of two."

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

As my grandmother and I were walking towards the United Nations Building in New York City, we came upon a street evangelist who was trying to get the attention of passersby.
He urged those near him to flee from the wrath to come.
“I warn you,” he roared, “that there will be weeping, and wailing, and gnashing of teeth!”
An old woman in the crowd shouted snidely:
“Sir, I have no teeth!”
“Lady,” the evangelist retorted, “teeth will be provided!”

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Jokes about Women Old People Jokes

Two old ladies are in a restaurant.
One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible."
The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."

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Food Jokes Old People Jokes

What is your date of birth?
December 30th.
What year?
Every year

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Old People Jokes Birthday Jokes

A plowhorse, a honeybee and an old geezer are debating about which of them is the greatest.
The horse says,
"I can plow all day long to provide food for dozens of people!"
" The bee says,
"I pollinate all the plants every year and make honey besides!"
The old geezer says...
(We're waiting...)

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

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Kids Jokes Old People Jokes

How old is your son, the one living with you.
Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
How long has he lived with you?
Forty-five years.

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Old People Jokes

When Chuck Norris was 3 years old , he was bored
And decided to carve a sculpture with only his
Baby toe nail , this sculpture is now called....
Mount Rushmore

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Chuck Norris Jokes Old People Jokes Baby Jokes

Wine improves with age – the older you get the more you like it.

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Wine jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes

There’s a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, “People need me for my medical skills.” grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, “People need me for my intelligence.” grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, “I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute.” The nerd says, “Don’t worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack.”

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Priest Jokes Aviation Jokes Priest Jokes

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have.
In an attempt to кill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

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Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes Phone jokes Banker Jokes

Why did the astronaut retire?
He got spaced out!

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Office and Work Jokes Old People Jokes

My grandpa has a world record for holding his breathe… hes been holding it for 6 years.

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Old People Jokes

“I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, ‘You’re next.’ So I started doing the same to them at funerals, ‘You’re next.’”

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Jokes about Women Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

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Insult Jokes School Jokes One-Liner Jokes Old People Jokes Student jokes

In the metro an old lady apostrophizes a niggеr who was sitting calm in a seat:
In my country, the ladies stay on the sits, and young boys like you stay in their feet!
In my country, Africa, the boys stay in the middle of the fire, and the ladies stay in the kettles, boiling.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Old People Jokes Africa Jokes Black People Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

whats the difference between McDonald’s and a priest
nothing…
they both stick their meat in ten year old buns

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Old People Jokes Priest Jokes What's The Difference Jokes Priest Jokes

Why do black women lose their hair at an early age?
From all of the hair pulling during rаре.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Old People Jokes