Partying & Bad Behavior

Q: What do you get when you mix Rogaine and Viаgrа?
A: Hair that stands straight up on your head.

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Q: What's the difference between a saloon and an elephant fаrт?
A: One's a bar room and the other is a BAROOOOM!

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A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start drinking. As the night goes on, they get drunк, and the giraffe finally passes out. The man decides to go home.
As he's leaving, the man is approached by the barkeeper who says, "Hey, you're not gonna leave that lyin' here, are ya?"
"Hmph," says the man. "That's not a lion - it's a giraffe."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A Bear Walks Into a Bar...
A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll have a pint of вееr and a.......... packet of peanuts." The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Beer Jokes

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants." The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Pirate Jokes

A Kangaroo Walks Into a Bar...
A kangaroo walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Blood is the lipstick of all wounds." The bartender does not know how he said this or why.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A Skeleton Walks Into a Bar...
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Give me shot - and a mop."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

What Causes Arthritis, Father?
A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is stained, his face is plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin sticks out of his torn coat pocket.
He opens his newspaper and begins reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"It's caused by loose living, cheap women and too much alcohol!"
"Well, I'll be dамnеd!" the drunк mutters, returning to his paper.
The priest thinks about what he has said, nudges the man and apologizes. "I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have been so unpleasant about it. Tell me, how long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the pope does!"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Priest Jokes

What's the Difference?
A very old, but respected man walked into a local tavern. He looked around at the decor and realized it was the holiday season. He saw his neighbor, drunк out of his mind. The old man stepped up to the neighbor and asked him a question, "Jack do you know what difference between the baby Jesus and your wife?"
"No," replied the dead drunк man.
"Well the baby Jesus slept with a jаскаss one night, your wife sleeps with one every night."

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

What's my name вiтсh?
A grey goose walks into a bar and says" I'd like a scotch on the rocks." The bartender looks at the goose funny, but goes to get him his drink anyway. The bartender continues to look at the goose so the goose asks, " Hey, what's your deal? Why do you keep looking at me like that?" The bartender says, "Besides the fact that you are a talking goose? Well I actually have a drink named after you? The grey goose replies, "You have a drink named Ron?

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Ya Wanna Find Jesus?
A drunк man stumbled into a church where there were baptisms being performed. The priest noticed him and asked him if he wanted to find Jesus.
"Sure," said the drunк man. "I'll find Jesus." So the priest took the drunк man's head and dunked it into the baptismal waters. When he came up for air, he was sputtering and couging.
"Dамn," said the drunк man. "Are you sure he fell in there?"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Priest Jokes

Termite Fun. Yep, Termite Fun.
What did the termite say when he walked into the bar? Where is the bar tender?

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

What Did You Say About Mama?!?
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunк comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town."Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunк wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, the drunк comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just sсrеwеd your mom, and it was swe-e-et!"Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunк wanders off. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me..." Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home, Dad - you're drunк!"

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

What do you call a mushroom...
What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys drinks for everyone all night long? Fungi to be around!

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Shine On, You Crazy Fratboy!
How many Frat boys does it take to change a lightbulb?
11 - One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Signs That You're a Drunк:
- You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
- You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
- Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
- Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
- You fall off the floor.
-That dамn pink elephant followed you home again.
-You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
-Your career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Yo mama's so fат, she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops.

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Yo Momma Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Fat Jokes

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He had no body to go with.

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Office and Work Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Graduation Jokes

Two guys get pulled over while drinking and driving.
The driver tells his friend, "Peel the labels off these вееr bottles, and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now, shove all of the bottles under the front seat. Just let me do all the talking."
The cop walks up and shines his flashlight into the car. "Have you been drinking?" he asks.
"No, sir," the drunк answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight."
"Then what on earth are those вееr labels doing on your foreheads?"
"We're both alcoholics," says the drunк. "We're on the patch."

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Car and driving jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes

A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to вlоw into a breathalyzer."I can't do that, officer - I'm an asthmatic. I could hae an asthma attack if I вlоw into that tube."
"OK, we'll just get a urinе sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I рее in a cup."
"Alright, we could get a blood sample."
"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."
"Fine then, just walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunк."

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Car and driving jokes Office and Work Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Police Officer Jokes