Pilot Jokes

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So John and Peter were riding a flight on Philippine Airlines, everything was going smoothly, and then something went wrong with the engine!
Sirens were blaring in the cockpit, and the pilot issued a PSA to the cabin saying "Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. unfortunately we have lost one engine, but do not worry, I will ensure your safety.
The plane lands on water, and the captain calmly says,
"Hello passengers, we have successfully landed on the water, I hope all of you are fine! Now, all of the people who can swim, please go to the right side of the plane. The people who can't, please go to the left.
Peter mentioned to John, "Pare (word in filipino meaning close friend), this is what I love about Philippine Airlines! They always have backup plans for every situation!"
John replied, "Yeah, pare, I agree, the crew is well trained in these situations!"
After everyone was arranged according to their swimming abilities, the captain spoke, "Everyone who can are on the right side of the plane, please evacuate the plane immediately and carefully. And to those on the left side of the plane..."
"Thank you for flying Philippine Airlines."
Filipino jokes Aviation Jokes Military Jokes Pilot Jokes
Един млад пилот решил да се прави на пич. Ratespiel zwischen Flugzeug und Tower A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime. Instead of making any official requests to the tower he said, "Guess who?" The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where?" Şakacı bir pilot iniş yaparken, her seferinde kuleye: - Bilin bakalım ben kimim? Der. Kuledekiler çok sinir olur. Bir gece pilot yine: - Bilin bakalım ben kimim? Der. Kuledekiler de ışıkları... Repülőgép közeledik éjszaka a repülőtér felé. A pilóta elhatározza, hogy megtréfálja a tornyot és eltorzított hangon szól a mikrofonba: - Találd ki, hogy ki vagyok! Erre az irányítótorony... Skrydžiu valdymo centras klausia piloto: - Kas leidžiasi? Pilotas nusprendžia pajuokauti ir sako: - Spėk kas ? Skrydžiu valdymo centras užgesina visas nusileidimo tako šviesas, ir sako: - Spek kur ? Młody pilot leci w nocy samolotem, zbliżając się do lądowiska, wywołuje kontrolera lotów: - Zgadnij kto? Zdenerwowany kontroler gasi światła na lotnisku. - Zgadnij gdzie? Молодий пілот заходить на посадку і вирішив пожартувати. Звязується з диспетчером: — Вгадай, хто? Диспетчер вимикає всі лампи на посадковій смузі і відповідає: — Вгадай, куди? Harci repülőgép közelít éjszaka az anyahajó felé. - Torony a Vadásznak: azonosítsd magad! A pilóta épp tréfás kedvében van: - Találd ki, hogy ki vagyok! Torony lekapcsolja az összes fényt: - Akkor... Mladý pilot, strašný frajer, jde na svoje první samostatné noční přistání. Na místo obvyklého hlášení se dispečerovi letiště zahlásí do vysílačky: „Hádej kdo?” Dispečer vypne světla na celé...
Pilot Jokes Aviation Jokes
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Office and Work Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes
Office and Work Jokes Aviation Jokes Banker Jokes Dentist Jokes Pilot Jokes Hairdresser Jokes American Presidents Humor
NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.
British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangements are made, and a cannon is sent to the British engineers.
When the cannon goes off, the engineers stand shocked as the chicken crashes into the shatterproof shield, smashes it to smithereens, blasts through the control console, snaps the pilot's backrest in two, and embeds itself in the back wall of the cabin.
The horrified Brits send the Americans a report of the disastrous results, along with an urgent request for suggests on improving the windshield design.
The American engineers respond with a one-line memo: "Thaw the chicken."
Technology Jokes Aviation Jokes American Jokes Pilot Jokes
Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes American Presidents Humor
A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a farmer's field.
The farmer took the pilot back to the farmhouse, where the pilot noticed the farmer had a golden fiddle hanging above the fireplace. The two men were standing there talking when the farmer's wife came down the steps. The pilot couldn't believe how beautiful she was.
"How can you trust her to be here by herself all day, while you go out and work the fields?"
"I trust my wife," the farmer said. "She's never been unfaithful."
"I'll make you a little bet. If I take your wife upstairs, she'll be unfaithful. If not, you can have my plane. But, if she is, I get your fiddle."
"It's a deal." So, the pilot and the farmer's wife go upstairs. About a half hour passes, and the farmer picks up the fiddle and starts playing it.
"Be true to me, Be true to me, Be true for just one hour. Be true to me, Be true to me, And his airplane will be ours." Another fifteen minutes pass, and suddenly he sees his wife coming down the stairs. He asks her if she stayed true to him. She walked over, picked up the fiddle, started playing it.
"He kissed me on the lips, He kissed me on the тiтs, He kissed me in the middle. He kissed a spot that you forgot, and you lost your fuскing fiddle."
Men vs Women Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes Boob Jokes
В един самолет пилотите разговарят помежду си, но забравили да изключат микрофона към пътническия салон: По време на полет двамата пилоти разговарят: Пилот 3000 Meter über dem Atlantik H γριά και η αεροσυνοδός. Ο καφές και το μο**ι...... Лети самолет и двамата пилоти си говорят, но са забравили включен микрофона. Единият казва: Пилот с трудом отрывает самолет от земли и, с облегчением откинувшись на спинку, забыв выключить микрофон, произносит: Dans un avion ayant atteint son altitude de croisière, le commandant de bord branche le micro et annonce aux passagers: On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. Ο πιλότος ετοιμάζεται για απογείωση . В кабине самолета пилот не выключил громкую связь, и говорил второму пилоту: A man is on a plane. The pilot starts talking on the intercom and then lays it down without knowing its still on. Салон самолета. Пилоты сказали всю инфу и забыли выключить микрофон. На весь салон: - Ну, сейчас чайку попьем, потом стюардессу тр@хнем. Стюардесса бежит к кабине пилотов, ее останавливает бабка: - Да не торопись ты так, доча, они же сказали - сначала чай попьют! LA HOSTESS E L’AUDIO. Aereo in partenza, controlli di routine fatti, il Capitano annuncia la partenza del volo... si dimentica di spegnere il microfono, quindi si rivolge al 2° pilota e gli dice: bene ora potremmo berci una bella birra fresca, poi farci una sveltina con la hostess e quindi... A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto." He forgets to switch off the... Au bord d'un avion sur le point de décoller, le pilote passe une annonce au micro : - Bonjour Mesdames et Messieurs, notre avion a destination de Rio est sur le point de décoller, veuillez faire attention à ce que votre de ceinture de sécurité soit bien attachée. Après son annonce passée, le... Der Flugkapitän macht seine Durchsage und vergisst das Mikro auszuschalten. "Jetzt trinke ich erstmal einen Kaffee, und dann kann mir die neue Stewardess einen blasen." Die Fluggäste hören... A pilot got on the loudspeaker shortly after takeoff and said to the passengers, "Folks, welcome aboard flight seven eighty-nine to Cleveland. We'll be flying at thirty-five-thousand feet, and... Flyg mot Gran Canaria. Piloten tar mikrofonen och berättar för sina passagerare att flygningen mot Gran Canaria är påbörjad, vilken väg dom skall ta och beräknad ankomst. När detta är gjort önskar... O piloto do avião abre o microfone e fala: — Senhores passageiros, vamos agora voar a 35 mil pés. Caso ocorra alguma pequena turbulência, não se assustem por que isso é normal, pois estamos... Despega un vuelo. El capitán de la nave les da la bienvenida a los pasajeros, les informa sobre el vuelo y el estado del tiempo y por último se despide deseándoles un muy agradable viaje.... Aan het eind van de vlucht neemt de piloot afscheid van de passagiers, maar vergeet de microfoon af te zetten. Tegen de tweede piloot zegt hij: "als we geland zijn, ga ik eerst douchen, eten en... Стюардеса привітала пасажирів на борту, забула мікрофон в кабіні пілотів та роздає цукерки в салоні. В салоні чути розмову пілотів. — Висоту набрали, включаю автопілот, а ти слідкуй за приборами. Я... În avion, pilotul vorbeşte cu copilotul: - După ce îmi beau cafeua, mă duc să fac dragoste cu stewardesa aia blondă! Stewardesa aude şi fuge să-i spună pilotului că a uitat microfonul deschis şi se... Пилотот и копилотот разговараат за време на лет: - Да пиеме по едно кафе и после да ја „опнеме“ стјуардесата? - Може, може... Арно ама, микрофоните биле вклучени и разговорот се слушнал во целиот... A pilóta felszáll, átkapcsol robot pilótára, nyújtózik egy nagyot, de a Mikrofont bekapcsolva felejti és így szól: - Most iszom egy kávét, utána jól megdugom a kis szőke stewardesst. Hátul a... Finnairin koneen perämies unohti laskeutumiskuulutuksen jälkeen mikrofonin päälle. Matkustamossa matkustavat kuuluivat selvästi seuraavat suunnitelmat: " Heti kun on kone kuitattu ulos, meikä... De piloot van een vliegtuig is vergeten de intercom uit te zetten. Als ze eenmaal vliegen op de automatische piloot, zegt hij: "Ah, nu heb ik echt eens zin in een kop koffie en een lekkere... Uçak new york’a yaklaşırken iki pilot konuşmaktadırlar. ne var ki mikrofon açık kalmıştır ve konuşulanlar bütün yolcularca dinlenmektedir. - New york’a iner inmez, önce ılık bir banyo yapacağım....
Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes Beer Jokes Pilot Jokes
Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes
у блондинки билет на самолет в эконом классе, она садится в... Блондинка се качва в самолет и сяда в бизнес класа. Една блондинка се качила на самолет и седнала в първа класа. Една блондинка се качила в самолет за Ямайка, но вместо във втора класа, седнала в първа. There's this blonde. She gets on a plane and sits in the first available seat. The flight attendant is coming around checking tickets. Ein Österreicher besteigt ein Flugzeug nach Jamaica und setzt sich in der ersten Klasse. Die Stewardess, die gerade sein Ticket geprüft hat, erklärt ihm: A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section. On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket. ,The blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New York; and I'm not moving.",Not... A beautiful young model boarded a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looked at the seats in economy, and then looked into the forward cabin at the luxurious first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appeared to be much larger and more comfortable, she moved... Ήταν κάποτε μια ξανθιά σε ένα αεροπλάνο. Έρχεται τότε μια κυρία και της ζητά το εισιτήριο της. Αυτή της το δίνει και η κυρία της λέει: - Πρέπει να πάτε στη τελευταία θέση. Και η ξανθιά της απαντά: - Εγώ είμαι σταρ και πάω στην Νέα Υόρκη. Φεύγει τότε η κυρία και πάει σε έναν υπεύθυνο και του... Blondynka leci do Paryża. Podchodzi stewardesa i mówi: - Poproszę bilet. Blondynka daje a stewardesa: - Pani siedzi w 2 rzędzie a ma pani bilet na 8. - Ale ja tu zostaję. Po kilku minutach rozmowy stewardesa idzie do pilota i mówi: - Idź do tej pani i... Flygvärdinnan på ett flygplan som skulle till New York gick fram till en blond kvinna som satt i första klass. Flygvärdinnan bad blondinen att flytta till ekonomiklassens avdelning, eftersom hon inte hade någon biljett för första klass. Blondinen... En blondin skulle åka flyg till Paris. Hon skulle åka andra klass. Men när blondinen gick på satte hon sig i första klass. Då sa flygvärdinnan till henne att flytta till andra klass. - Jag är ung,... Durante un volo per Montreal, pochi minuti dopo il decollo, una bionda seduta nella classe economica si alza e si dirige verso la prima classe e vi prende posto. L' agente di bordo la vede fare e... En blondin hade felaktigt satt sig i 1:a klass på planet till Mallorca, flygvärdinnan försökte förgäves få henne att flytta. Flygvärdinnan bad stewarden att säga åt blondinen, men det slutade med... Em um avião indo para Nova York, a comissária se dirige a uma loira sentada na divisão reservada para a primeira classe e pede para que ela se mude para a classe econômica, pois ela não tinha a... Blondi istui etelän lennolla ensimmäisessä luokassa, vaikka hänellä oli turistiluokan lippu. Lentoemäntä huomautti ystävällisesti asiasta, mutta blondi jäi vain paikoilleen. Sitten huomautti... A young blonde with a coach ticket went up and sat down in the first class section of a plane going from Tampa to Los Angles The airline hostess said I'm sorry miss but you have to sit in the coach... Sur un vol à destination de New-York, le chef de cabine contrôle les billets et s'apperçoit qu'une belle blonde s'est installée en première classe avec un billet en classe économique. Il la prie... Uma loira ia viajar para EUA, chegando no avião a mesma sentou-se na primeira classe, em seguida a comissária dirigiu-se a ela e pediu educadamente, para que a ela se fosse para a classe comercial.... There was once a blonde woman on a plane to Detroit. She was in the economy class, but after takeoff, she saw an empty seat in first class and moved there. An attendant saw her and said, "Excuse... A blonde was headed to Detroit. She got on the plane and sat down in first class. A few minutes later, a flight attendent came up to her and told her that her ticket was for coach and she had to... Une blonde monte en avion et s'assoit dans la section des premières classes. L'hôtesse lui dit qu'elle doit s'asseoir ailleurs car son ticket est un ticket de seconde classe. La blonde répond : -... A loira entra no avião e num descuido do comissário vai para a Primeira Classe sentando-se e já colocando o cinto. O comissário ao percebê-la, informa que a classe dela é a Econômica e que ela... Blondýnka letí do Hollywoodu a sedne si do první třídy. Letuška kontroluje letenky a řekne blondýně at opustí první třídu a přemístí se do druhé. Blondýna řekne:Ale ja letím na modeling do... Een vliegtuig is op weg naar Toronto als een dom blondje in de economy class opstaat en in de eerste klas gaat zitten. De stewardess ziet dit, en vraagt of ze haar ticket even mag zien, ze bekijkt...
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane.
The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach South Jamaica."
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach South Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.
The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to South Jamaica."
Blonde Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes
Положба Ποντιακές Αερογραμμές Πόντιος Πιλότος Ο πύργος ελέγχου στον πιλότο .. Il pilota Andrew è un novellino ed è appena decollato con l'aereo. Dopo dieci minuti di volo la torre di controllo si mette in contatto con lui: "Signor Andrew, comunichi la sua altezza e posizione." E il pilota: "Sono alto un metro e ottanta e sono seduto." [first day as a pilot] Control tower: What's your location? Me: I'm in the cockpit. Control tower: I mean where is the airplane? Me: Mainly behind me. La torre di controllo chiede al pilota: “Ci comunichi la sua altezza e la sua posizione!” Il pilota: “Ehm, sono alto 1,75 e sono seduto...” - Ange er höjd och position, säger flygledaren i kontrolltornet. - Jag är en och åttifem lång och sitter längst fram, svarar flygplanspiloten. Et svensk fly på vei til Oslo nærmer seg Fornebu og mottar melding fra kontrolltårnet: - Oppgi høyde og posisjon. Svaret fra flyet: - Jag är 1.80 høg, är svensk flygkapten och sitter helt främst i... C'est la tour de contrôle d'un aéroport qui contacte un avion qui s'apprête à atterrir. Le commandant de la tour dit : - Quelle est votre hauteur et votre position ? - Je mesure 1.80m et je suis...
Aviation Jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Pilot Jokes
Положба Ποντιακές Αερογραμμές Πόντιος Πιλότος Ο πύργος ελέγχου στον πιλότο .. Il pilota Andrew è un novellino ed è appena decollato con l'aereo. Dopo dieci minuti di volo la torre di controllo si mette in contatto con lui: "Signor Andrew, comunichi la sua altezza e posizione." E il pilota: "Sono alto un metro e ottanta e sono seduto." [first day as a pilot] Control tower: What are your coordinates? Me: I'm by a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific? Me: Simba La torre di controllo chiede al pilota: “Ci comunichi la sua altezza e la sua posizione!” Il pilota: “Ehm, sono alto 1,75 e sono seduto...” - Ange er höjd och position, säger flygledaren i kontrolltornet. - Jag är en och åttifem lång och sitter längst fram, svarar flygplanspiloten. Et svensk fly på vei til Oslo nærmer seg Fornebu og mottar melding fra kontrolltårnet: - Oppgi høyde og posisjon. Svaret fra flyet: - Jag är 1.80 høg, är svensk flygkapten och sitter helt främst i... C'est la tour de contrôle d'un aéroport qui contacte un avion qui s'apprête à atterrir. Le commandant de la tour dit : - Quelle est votre hauteur et votre position ? - Je mesure 1.80m et je suis...
Aviation Jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Pilot Jokes