Jokes about Police Officers

A мurdеr has been committed.
Police are called to an apartment and find a man standing, holding a 5-iron in his hands, looking at the lifeless body of a woman on the ground.
The detective asks, "Sir, is that your wife?"
"Yes."
"Did you hit her with that golf club?"
"Yes. Yes, I did," the man answers. He stifles a sob, drops the club and puts his hands on his head.
"How many times did you hit her?"
"I don't know. Five... Six ... Put me down for a five."

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A lot of people are desperate today.
A fellow walked up to me, he said,
"You see a cop around here?"
I said,
"No."
He said,
"Stick 'em up!"

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Police Officer Jokes

A young woman all excited called up her local police department and said,
"I have a sеx maniac in my apartment!"
The officer at the other end said,
"We'll be right over lady."
The woman said,
"Can you wait till morning?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Why did the policeman carry a pencil and a piece of very thin paper?
He wanted to trace someone.

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Police Officer Jokes

How does the LAPD play poker?
Four clubs beat a king.

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Police Officer Jokes

How do you join the police?
Handcuff them together.

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Police Officer Jokes

A police officer pulled a car over and arrested the driver for stealing the car.
When he questioned the driver why he stold the car, the driver explained, "It was parked outside a cemetery and I thought the owner was dead!"

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Office and Work Jokes Police Officer Jokes

A man was found murdered in his home over the weekend.
Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his tub.
The tub had been filled with milk, and the deceased had a banana protruding from his buttocks.
Police suspect a cereal killer.

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Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper.
The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab.
Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?"
"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.
"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.
"Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was sсrеwеd."

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Police Officer Jokes

You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

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Police Officer Jokes

When President Roosevelt dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, he did so only because it was more human then sending Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Police Officer Jokes

How many programmers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.

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Technology Jokes Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Police Officer Jokes Light bulb jokes Black People Jokes

Microsoft Office doesn't correct Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris correct Microsoft Office.

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Office and Work Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Johny was stopped by the policeman on the road, the policeman has looked over the whole car and has said to Johny:
"Johny, if you´ll go somebody by your car, the human would probably survive the collision with your car also without your help, but the treatment with the content of your archaic first aid box will survive nobody, there´s no doubt. Did you buy it in the shop B. C.?"

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Car and driving jokes Little Johnny Jokes Police Officer Jokes

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home.
As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked,
"Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"
"Yes, I did.
How did you know?" he asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield.
The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck.
The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down.
So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...
"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

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Sports Jokes Police Officer Jokes Golf jokes

Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street?
Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.

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Animal Jokes Police Officer Jokes Dog jokes

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over.
He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all.
I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations.
What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunк and sтоnеd."
Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

"Two policemen are considering the problem of catching the bandit. One of them starts to calculate the optimal mixed strategy for the chase. The other policeman protests.
'While we're doodling,' he points out, 'he is making his getaway.'
'Relax,' says the game-theorist policeman. 'He's got to figure it out too, don't he?'"

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Police Officer Jokes

A group of blondes was going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.
A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.
One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day, I am going to dial 911 and call the cops!"

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Aviation Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Pilot Jokes

Three guys are riding in their truck while drinking вееr, having a good ol' time.
The driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car so he pulls over.
The other two are real nervous, "What do we do with our beers?
We're in trouble!"
"No," the driver says,
"Just do this: pull the label off of your вееr bottle and stick it to your forehead and let me do the talking."
So they all pull the labels off their вееr bottles and stick 'em to their foreheads.
The policeman walks up and says,
"You boys were swerving down the road.
Have you been drinking?"
The driver says,
"Oh, no officer," and points to his forehead, "we're on the patch, trying to quit."

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Office and Work Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes