Jokes about Police Officers

The policeman tells Johny at the police station following:
"The thief who wanted to steal your wallet has got: a broken nose, three broken ribs, a concussion of the brain and he misses a bunch of his hair at the back of his head."Please, tell me Johny, how much money did you have in your wallet?"
Johny: "Only three euros."
The policeman: "Goodness! I suppose that if you would have ten euros in your wallet, the thief would probably not survive your self-defense-trial."

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What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.

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Police Officer Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Gmail: Someone has signed into your account!
Me: Yeah that was me
Gmail: No it was on another device!
Me: Yes my tablet
Gmail: Someone stole your tablet?!
Me: What? No!
Gmail: Call the police

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Police Officer Jokes Computer Jokes Internet Jokes

Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking wееd."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."

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Police Officer Jokes Drug Jokes Flirt jokes

An old man lived alone in Tasmania.
He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Jase, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Jase,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year; I'm just getting to old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad.
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES. Love Jase.
At 4A. M. the next morning, the Federal Police and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad.
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Jase.

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes

iver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?
' Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You duммy, it's got your picture on it!" The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license", then handed it to the blonde policewoman. The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

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Blonde Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes

Policeman to Blonde: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Blonde: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Police Officer Jokes Car and driving jokes

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

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Police Officer Jokes One-Liner Jokes

A woman who was driving down the highway pulled over to the side of the road when the policeman driving behind her turned on his lights and siren.
She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quietly slipped it on before the officer got to her window.
After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?"
"Yes, I do, officer," she politely replied.
"Interesting," said the officer. "Do you always loop it through your steering wheel like that?"

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Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes

The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.She said,
"I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee."
The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said,
"Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

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Police Officer Jokes

You might be a redneck if a police officer pulls you over to ask for your driver's license and your address is the county jail.

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Police Officer Jokes Car and driving jokes Redneck jokes Prison Jokes

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim.
"I understand you're claiming damages for the injuries you're supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company.
"Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head.
"You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better inn my life.' Is that the case?"
"Yeah, but" stammered the farmer.
"A simple yes or not will suffice," counsel interrupted quickly.
"Yes," Replied the farmer.
Then it was the turn of the farmer's counsel to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said.
"Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. "Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me and asked me how I was feeling. "Now, mate, what the heck would you have said to him?"

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Lawyer Jokes Horse jokes Police Officer Jokes Farmer Jokes Dog jokes Insurance Comedy

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The policeman said, "What's he like?"
Little Johnny replied, "Вееr and women!"

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Kids Jokes Jokes about Women Little Johnny Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes One-Liner Jokes Police Officer Jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes Beer Jokes

Officer: "I'm arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia."
Man: "No wait! I can explain everything!"

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Computer Jokes Police Officer Jokes

I got stopped by a police officer on the way here.
He told me it was illegal to carry these guns in public.

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Police Officer Jokes Fitness jokes Flirt jokes

Two men are in a car. One of them is a Mexican while the other is black. Who is driving the car?
The cops.

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Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Black People Jokes

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right вrеаsт hanging out.A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"She says, "Why, officer?""Because your вrеаsт is hanging out."She looks down and says, "OH MY GOODNESS! I left the baby on the bus again!"

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Blonde Jokes God Jokes Police Officer Jokes Baby Jokes

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said "low bridge ahead." Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he could not avoid getting stuck under the bridge. You could say that he got a "Truck Wеdgiе." Cars were backed up for miles. Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?" The gutsy truck driver said, "No officer, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!"

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Police Officer Jokes

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land! No questions asked! Do you understand ?!!" The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs..... "Your badge, show him your BADGE!!"

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