Relationship Jokes

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Un homme rentre dans un magasin d'animaux, fait le tour et passe devant un perroquet sans pattes. Il dit à voix haute : "Le pauvre qu'est qui a put lui arriver?" - Je suis né comme ça, dit le... Certo dia um moco passava pela porta de um petshop e avistou um papagaio que parecia ser muito simpatico. Interessado em compra-lo o moco entra na loja e comeca a conversar com o paapgaio: Ei... O casal não podia ter filhos e não conseguiam adotar um filho, nisso o psicólogo deles sugeriu: "Adotem um animal" Então eles resolveram adotar um papagaio, só que o bicho tinha uma pata só, e...
Animal Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Cheating Jokes Parrot jokes
Cats are beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent creatures. And with a little love and caring, they can keep a human being alive for upwards of seventy to eighty years. If you follow these simple instructions, you can have your human house trained in no time.
CLEANLINESS: For some reasons, humans seem to enjoy immersing themselves in running water. Attempts to get humans to liск themselves clean have proven interesting, if unproductive.
COMMUNICATION: Humans are unable to speak a proper language. Therefore, you should communicate a point loudly, repeatedly, and if at all possible, at about three in the morning. Any attempts at human-to-cat communication can be dealt with by simply ignoring it until it stops.
FEEDING: Morning feeding should start promptly when your human is fast asleep, preferably three or four minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off. Recommended methods of waking your human include: sitting on its face, screaming in its ear, and biting its hair.
MATING: Human mating behavior is fascinating. Unfortunately, humans tend to get easily spooked by prolonged study of courtship rituals, and resort to shoe-throwing behavior.
TOILET TRAINING: A human's natural tendency is to not change your litter box. Although experts in human behavior believe it can be attributed to the "laziness reflex," this can be easily corrected through what is called "shoe therapy." Just remember that a human shoe looks a lot like a human toilet, and you should be fine.
Following these simple tips is the first step towards a long and productive cat/human relationship.
Animal Jokes Relationship Jokes Communication Jokes
Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes
Наистина най-добрият приятел на човека е кучето. ЗА ДА СЕ УВЕРИШ КОЙ ТЕ ОБИЧА НАИСТИНА, проведи следния експеримент: Si quieres conocer el amor verdadero, haz este experimento. El Instituto de Salud "Carlos III" sigue investigando temas sanitarios, en este caso, en colaboración con importantes cientificos han... Действительно лучший друг человека - собака. Не верите? Попробуйте такой эксперимент:Закройте в багажнике машины вместе собаку и свою жену. DER ULTIMATIVE LIEBES-TEST Дійсно найкращий друг людини - собака. Не вірите? Спробуйте здійснити такий експеримент: Закрийте в багажнику машини разом собаку і свою дружину. Через годину-другу відкрийте. Хто, на вашу думку,... - Kto jest najlepszym przyjacielem mężczyzny - żona czy pies? - Zamknij oboje w bagażniku, po godzinie otwórz i zobacz, kto się będzie cieszył, że znowu Cię widzi. Att hunden e mannens bästa vän, bevisas med att låsa in en hund å sin fru i bagaget på bilen, å sen vänta 3 timmar och där efter låsa upp för att se vem som e gladast! A kutya tényleg az ember legjobb barátja. Ha nem hiszed el, próbáld ki a következőt: Zárd be a kutyádat és a feleségedet a kocsid csomagtartójába. Egy óra múlva nyisd ki! Ki örül neked jobban,... Test de fidelitate: 1. Ia cainele si nevasta si baga-i in portbagaj. 2. Lasa-i acolo 2 ore. 3. Vezi cine se bucura ca te vede!
Men jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes Dog jokes
You know it is time to reassess your relationship with
Your computer when....
1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
Stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
You just pulled the plug on a loved one.
3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
For the free internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
5. You start using smileys :
- ) in your snail mail.
6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
Processor. Com
7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a
Computer.
8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really
Depressed.
9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
Have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you
Landscape.
11. Your family always knows where you are.
12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".
13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!
Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes Internet Jokes
Ако мъж отваря вратата на кола за жена, значи една от двете е нова. Ако мажот на жената и ја отвара вратата од колата, Cuando un hombre le abre la puerta del auto a su esposa, usted puede estar seguro de una cosa; o el auto es nuevo, o es una nueva esposa... Jajaja....!! Wenn ein Mann seiner Frau die Wagentür öffnet, ist entweder der Wagen neu oder die Frau. Wann öffnet ein Mann die Autotür für eine Frau? 1) Wenn er ein neues Auto hat. 2) Wenn er eine neue Frau hat. Quando um homem abre a porta do carro pra mulher, das duas uma:ou o carro é novo, ou a mulher é nova När öppnar en man bildörren för sin hustru? A) När han har en ny bil. B) När han har en ny fru. Als een man de deur opendoet voor zijn vrouw, weet je één ding zeker: of de auto is nieuw of de vrouw. Når en mand åbner bildøren til sin kone, kan du være sikker på en ting, enten er bilen ny eller konen er. Hvad kan man konstatere, hvis en mand åbner bildøren for sin kone? - At enten er konen ny eller også er bilen... Når en mann åpner bildøren for sin kone, kan man være sikker på en ting: Enten bilen eller kona er ny. Jos mies nousee kuljettajan paikalta. Jos mies nousee kuljettajan paikalta avatakseen vaimolleen auton oven, on joko auto tai vaimo uus Ha egy férfi kinyitja a kocsiajtót egy nő előtt, akkor vagy a kocsi új, vagy a nő. - Bărbate, ia uită-te la tipul ăla, cum îi ţine soţiei sale portiera deschisă? - Da. Probabil că ori maşina e nouă, ori femeia! Cind un barbat deschide portiera masinii sotiei Sale, de un lucru poti fi sigur: ori masina e noua, Ori femeia!
Men jokes Relationship Jokes Sexist Jokes
Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times. After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fат Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch. Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fат man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp." Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one." Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I want to be the best golfer ever." The surprised genie said, "You sure? Most people wish for money, but okay. Now your wife gets one wish." Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, "I want a million dollars every week of my life." The genie said, "Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I've been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sеx with your wife, Dylan." Dylan said, "No way!" The genie replied, "Not even for a million dollars a week?" Dylan turned to his wife, who said, "I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves." Dylan said, "Okay, have fun, I guess," and left. Dylan's wife then proceeded to have wild sеx for the rest of the day with the genie. When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was. She said, "Forty-five." The Genie laughed and said, "Isn't he a little old to be believing in genies?"
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Бях вчера в "Халбите" с жена и казах "Обичам те". Седят си мъж и жена му на верандата и се наслаждават на прекрасен залез... Мъжът тихо прошепва: - Обичам те.... Жена му саркастично го пита... - Ти ли говориш или бирата..? Мъжа отговаря.. - Аз говоря ... на бирата..... Мъжът: "Обичам те! " Жената: " Ти ли го казваш или бирата? " Мъжът: " Аз го казвам на бирата." Boy: "I love you so much, I could never live without you." Once upon a time, my wife and I were in the local restaurant. We have talked to each other, but after a while, I have become quiet and then I started to talk, I have said: "you know, I love you so much, I will never leave you, never, ever, every single day I think only of you, we will be always... Ο σύζυγος αράζει στη βεράντα μαζί με τη γυναίκα του πίνοντας μπύρα. Αφού έχει πιει αρκετές, σπάει την ησυχία λέγοντας:
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