Sarcasm Jokes - Page 4

I was at a convenience store. I went down one of the aisles and there was a sign next to the magazine rack that just said, ‘No Reading.’ I don’t like to rock the boat, so I just grabbed a bunch of candy bars, and I went up to the guy who was working the checkout counter, and I said, ‘Which one of these is a Snickers?’

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Ugh, who has time to work out?... I say before a 45 minute nap.

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Office and Work Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Two strangers, a man and woman are
Seated at a dinner party together. The
Man turns to the woman and says, I’ve
Got a hypothetical question for you miss.
The woman, curious, says “O. K. shoot.”
The man says “If a man were to offer you
One million dollars to sleep with him, would you do it?”
The woman thinks for a moment and finally answers “I guess I would…. for a million dollars.”
The man smiles and says “Then will you sleep with me for thirty-five dollars?”
The woman, with a shocked expression on her face, stands and screams at the man, “Of course I won’t. What do you think I am!”
To which the man replies, “We’ve already
Determined WHAT you are, now we’re just negotiating the price.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a вrа and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, “Do you have a size 28AAAA вrа?”
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same manner.
After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, “Do you have anything for this?”
The lady looked closely at her and replied, “Have you tried Clearasil?

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Jokes about Women Sarcasm Jokes

I was in the work canteen the other day and started shaking salt all over my chicken. My work colleague looked over and said, “Would you like some chicken to go with that salt?”
I replied, “Would you like some laughter to go with that joke?”

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Office and Work Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, “This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?”
The judge said that was true. “Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?” the man asked.
The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action.
The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, “Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes :
“Use more soap on раnтiеs!”
She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the following week she enclosed another note:
“Use more soap on раnтiеs!”
The Chinese laundryman became very annoyed, and when her clean laundry was delivered, it contained a note from him:
“I USE PLENTY SOAP ON РАNТIЕS!!!USE MORE PAPER ON YOUR Аrsе!!”

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Jokes about Women Sarcasm Jokes

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that ‘Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.’
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle. ‘Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.’
She calmly turned her head and said, ‘In my country, I am called a Princess andI take orders from no one.’
To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, ‘Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you.
Tray-up, Вiтсh.’

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Dear Gillette,
Are you really the best a man can get, or are you just saying that because it rhymes?
Regards,
Rick - the man with the world’s biggest diск.

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Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Bob is walking home when he sees a тrамр begging for change. Feeling a bit sorry for the man, he gives him some change and begins to walk off.
“Thank you,” says the homeless man. “It used to be so good for me but look at me now.”
“What do you mean?” asked Bob.
The тrамр replied, “I was a multi-millionaire, I had bank accounts all across the world with millions in. I had investments, bonds, stocks, shares and all sorts.”
“What happened, where did it go wrong?”
The тrамр replied, “forgot my fuскing mother’s maiden name.”

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Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

While nursing a drink at a bar, a young woman was distressed to see a drunken unkept man sit down next to her.
“Say, honey-baby … I’d really like t’get into those pants o’yours.”
“Thanks,” she shot back, “but I’ve already got an аsshоlе in there.”

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A young man walking along the Pier notices an old man with his shoes off, trouser legs rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.
Puzzled the young man asks, “What are you doing?”
The old man replies, “Fishing for сunтs.”
“Sounds good. Can I join you?” replied the young man.
“Of course you can, pull up a pew son.”
The young man sits down and casts an imaginary rod out, and then says, “So, how many сunтs have you caught today?”
The old man replies, “You’re the third this morning.”

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Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

There’s this man with a bald head and a wooden leg who gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem.
A few days later he receives a parcel with a note. “Dear Sir, please find enclosed a pirates outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate”.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasised his wooden leg and so he writes a really rude letter of complaint. A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says “Dear Sir, sorry about before, please find enclosed a Monks habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part”.
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasising his wooden leg to emphasising his bald head and he writes the company a REALLY rude letter of complaint. The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads…..
“Dear Sir, please find enclosed a tin of treacle. Pour the tin of treacle over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your аss and go as a fсuкing toffee apple, you c*nt.”

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Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

What’s that worthless piece of skin attached to a man’s реnis called? … …
…
…
The man.

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Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

I love magicians. Who’s that guy in America who made those landmarks disappear? Oh right, yeah, Bin Laden.

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USA Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2017.

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Sarcasm Jokes

A straight face and a sincere-sounding "Huh?" have gotten me out of more trouble than I can remember.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Some people are like a software update .
When I see them I think ” Not now ”

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Sarcasm Jokes

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

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Sarcasm Jokes

Tom walks over to his neighbour’s house.
‘Hey Charles, when is your birthday?’ Tom asked
‘Next week, why?’ he replied
‘I need to get you some curtains!’ he said ‘I’m sick of seeing your wife giving you вlоwjовs!’
‘Oh, really?’ Charles replied, ‘When’s your birthday?’
‘August, why?’ Tom asked
‘I need to get you some binoculars.’ Charles said, ‘So you can see who’s wife it actually is!’

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Sarcasm Jokes