Sarcasm Jokes - Page 4

I went out for a nice meal one day when the waiter asked,
“How would you like your steak, sir?”
“The same way I like my s-ex,” I replied.
He smiled and said, “So, rare?”
Cu-nt.

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My sister was reading out my parents will when she said, “Do you want to hear something funny?”
“Go on,” I replied.
“Mum and Dad’s house.”
“I don’t get it,” I said confused.
“I know,” She laughed. “I do…. Funny isn’t it.”

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Dad Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.

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School Jokes Money jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:
“Your behind is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet it is вiggеr than the barbecue grill.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife’s bottom was.
“Yes, I was right; it is two inches wider than the barbecue grill!”
The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in the bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
“What’s wrong?” he asks.
She answers:
“Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-аss grill for one little wееniе?”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A Fireman comes home from work and tells his wife “wow we really have things going good at the firehall.
When the captain yells 1 we slide down the pole. When he yells 2 we put on our suits.
When he yells 3 were on the truck and on our way. So from now on when I come home and yell 1 you take off your clothes. When I yell 2 jump on the bed. And when I say 3 we will be goin at it.
The husband comes home the next day and yells 1 and the wife takes off her clothes. He Yells 2 and she jumps on the bed. He then yells 3 and there going at it.
She then yells “4.”
He says” What the hеll is 4?”
The wife said ” Your hose isn’t nearly big enough and your getting no where close to the fire!”

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Office and Work Jokes Sarcasm Jokes Military Jokes

When I was at school, fifty two percent of the class were good at maths. I was one of the other thirty eight percent.

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School Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied, “I am sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, “May I have your attention please, ” she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore “F*** You!” Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.”

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Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

A small ATM room which is equipped with 2 ACs and 4 tube lights, working 24 hours a day, is asking me not to print receipt to save environment.

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Office and Work Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Back when I was a kid, there was no internet,
So people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call me a сunт.

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Kids Jokes Internet Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

So, it’s nearly that day again when people come up to me with their scary faces and frightening clothes with their hands held out begging for money.
I fuскing hate my job at the benefits office in Liverpool.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Yesterday, I fell down from a 10 meter ladder. Thank God I was on the third step.

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God Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Do you know why birds sing in the morning ?
Because, they don’t have to go to fuскing work.

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Office and Work Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

I was reading that scientists have discovered that the Tyrannosaurus Rex had a ‘cousin’ that was vegetarian.
It must have been a вlооdy nightmare to have a vegetarian in the family when your arms are too short to cover your ears.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sarcasm Jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes

My daughter’s school teacher rang me today.
“Young Sarah didn’t turn up for school today?” he said.
“I know, her mother died yesterday,” I replied. “So she won’t be back for a while.”
“Sorry to hear that,” he sighed. “How’s she getting on?”
“Very well,” I replied. “She’s on her third lot of laundry and has already prepared dinner.”

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School Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

Lawyers really aren't so bad, it's just ninety-nine percent of lawyers that make the rest look bad.

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Lawyer Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

There was only 2 things I was good at in school... Maths.

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School Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

When I was single, I never was into the whole bar scene. I just wasn’t very good at it. I never quite mastered the art of the “pick up line.”
For instance, there was this drop dead gorgeous blonde at this bar I went to one time. I dragged up my courage, walked over to her, and in my most suave voice said, “Hey, sеxy girl, can I buy you a drink?”
She diverted her gaze towards me. Gorgeous blue eyes. Beautiful ruby-red lips. Вrеаsтs to die for. She licked her lips and said, “Tell me, do you like sеx?”
Oh my. Better than I could have hoped for. “Yes, I love sеx.”
“Wonderful,” she said, coming a little closer, “Do you like to travel?”
“Oh yeah. I love to travel.”
“Good,” she said, “then fсuк off.”

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Blonde Jokes Sex Jokes Single People Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

“I love you loads, honey pie.” My wife said earlier.
“And I love you tons.” I replied.
“What, no nickname for me?” She asked, disappointed.
Sometimes I swear the fат соw’s going deaf.

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Fat Jokes Sarcasm Jokes

In the competition of female logics, a random number generator won.

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Jokes about Women Sarcasm Jokes

Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, “Burger and сhiрs, please.”
“Certainly, Sir,” I replied. “Are you eating in or taking out?”
“Fuск off you сunт,” he snapped, before walking off with his food.
I love working in the prison canteen.

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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Sarcasm Jokes