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Вицове за училището School Jokes Schulwitze Chistes de la escuela Анекдоты про школу Blagues sur l'école Barzellette sulla scuola Ανέκδοτα για το σχολείο Вицеви за училиштето Okul fıkraları Жарти про школу Piadas sobre a escola Dowcipy o szkole Skolvitsar School Moppen Skolevittigheder Skolevitser Koululaisvitsit Iskolai viccek Glume despre școală Vtipy o škole Mokykliniai anekdotai Joki par skolu un skolēniem Vicevi o školi
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School Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
[ancient greece]
Teacher: "What have you all chosen for your thesis?"
Hippocrates: "I'm laying the ground work for centuries of modern medicine."
Socrates: "I am examining what it means to be."
Ptolemy: "Uh you guys ever uh notice how those stars look like a bear?"
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School Jokes History Jokes
In fourth grade, my son had a huge crush on a classmate. So for Valentine’s Day, he bought her a box of chocolates and took it to school. When I returned home from work, I found him on the couch eating the same box of candy.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Well, I thought about it for a long time," he said between chews. "And I decided that, for now, I still like candy more than girls."
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School Jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes
My high school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription, “BE MINE.”
The following day, I received a return valentine from the teacher. It read, “Thank you, but it’s still a BE MINE-US.”
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School Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes
A professor at W.Virginia University is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take
this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response."
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic."
"But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sеx with a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Sheeyit..... From back there it sounded like you said 'goats'".
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Sex Jokes School Jokes
I go to school where students are higher than their grades.
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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes
little johnny sat in the classroom. the teacher says class if you can tell me who said these quotes, ill let you leave early. who said four score and seven years ago? nancy beats johnny to it and shouts abe lincoln! the teacher says nancy you can leave. who said ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for you? john kennedy shouts out susan. the teacher says very good susan you can leave. johnny says i wish these вiтсhеs would keep their mouths shut. the teacher says WHO SAID THAT?! johnny said tiger woods! can i leave now?
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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes
You're the reason God created the middle finger.
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School Jokes Insult Jokes God Jokes
Are you talking back to me?!
Yes mom, that's how conversations work.
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School Jokes Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes
I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
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School Jokes Insult Jokes
Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school?
A: The "elf"-abet!
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School Jokes Holiday Jokes
You might be a redneck if, your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
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Dad Jokes School Jokes Redneck jokes
Teacher - Get rid of your drink. No drinks in class.
Student - I got it from my doctor he told me to drink it
Teacher - Who's your doctor?
Student - Dr. Pepper
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School Jokes Insult Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes
Teacher: Do you want to spend lunch in my class!?
Me: you asking me out on a date?
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School Jokes Insult Jokes
Yo mama so fат the only reason she took algebra in high school was because she heard there was gonna be some pi.
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Fat Jokes School Jokes Math Jokes Yo Momma Jokes
I think my phone is broken. I pressed home and I'm still at school!
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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes
Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day, his dad gets a new job, so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny's dad thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."
He calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow, but he likes to gamble, so you'll have to keep an eye on him."
The teacher says, "Okay," because she can handle it.
The next day, Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."
She says, "Yes, I know who you are."
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you $10 you've got a mole on your вuтт."
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem, so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down, shows him her вuтт, and there is no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost $10 to the teacher and explains why.
His dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your вuтт and he lost."
The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."
Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your аss before the day was over."
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Dad Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes
Person 1: Dude your gаy.
Person 2: Actually, I'm as straight as the pole your mom dances on.
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School Jokes Insult Jokes
Police officer: Where were you between 4 and 6?
Me: Kindergarden
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Съдята:
School Jokes Office and Work Jokes Insult Jokes Police Officer Jokes
Them - Your an аsshоlе.
You - I'm glad I'm an аsshоlе because without аsshоlеs like me there wouldn't be shiт like you!
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School Jokes Insult Jokes
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.
"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then Little Johnny says,
"I have a question for YOU.There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and suскing the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies,
"Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and suскеd the cone."
"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...
.....but I like your thinking."
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В класната стая учителката пита Иванчо: Иванчо в час по математика. Little Johnny... The Way You Think школа. идет урок математики. учительница: - дети, а теперь решите... Μου αρέσει ο τρόπος που σκέφτεστε... Τρόπος σκέψης Μου αρέσει ο τρόπος που σκέφτεσαι... A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, Little Johnny was doing his work in math class, when his teacher chose him to answer a question. Στην τάξη του Τοτού έχουν μαθηματικά. Ρωτάει η δασκάλα: A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. Na sala de aula a Professora ( P ) pergunta para o Joãozinho ( J ): Lehrerin zu Fritzchen im Matheunterricht, "Was ist 5 - 2?" Fritzchen weiß es nicht, also will ihm die Lehrerin es veranschaulichen. "Also pass auf, 5 Vögel sitzen auf einer Stange, und du erschießt 2 davon, wie viele bleiben sitzen?" Fritzchen: "Keiner, die anderen fliegen weg." Lehrerin: "Das... "Une prof dit à son élève : « Il y a 3 oiseaux sur un banc. Je prends un fusil, et je tire sur 1 oiseau. Combien restera-t-il d’oiseaux sur le banc ? » L’élève répond : « Aucun car au coup de fusil les autres oiseaux auront peur donc ils s’envoleront. » Le prof répond : « Ce n’est pas la bonne... I skolan frågar fröken: - Det sitter fem kråkor på en gren. Du skjuter en, hur många sitter kvar? Pelle svarar: - Inga. - Ja, sa fröken jag hade tänkt fyra men jag förstår vad du menar. Pelle... Die Lehrerin im Unterricht: „Wenn auf einem Ast drei Vögel sitzen und ich einen abschieße, wie viele sitzen dann noch dort?“ Meldet sich Fritzchen: „Gar keine, Frau Lehrerin!“ – „Aber wieso denn?“... Trois femmes sont sur la plage, elles mangent toutes les trois une glace. Mais elles ont une manière différente de la manger. La première la suce; La deuxième l'avale; La troisième la mord.... Jantje zit op school, vraagt de lerares aan hem: "Jantje er zitten vier vogels op een hekje. Komt er een jager aan en die schiet er een vogel af. Hoeveel vogels zitten er daarna nog op het hekje?... Öğretmeni Ali'ye sormuş;''Ağacta 5 kuş var birini vurdum,geriye kaç kuş kalmıştır.'' Ali ''Kalmaz öğretmenim,hepsi gürültüden uçar,demiş'' Öğretmeni ''Hayır dersimiz matematik ama düşünüş biçimini... Kalles lärare frågade en Kalle. - Om det finns 5 fåglar på en telefonledning och en jägare skjuter ner 2. Hur många är det kvar? - Inga. - Njae... Rätt svar är 2, men jag förstår hur du tänker. -... Fröken frågar Olle: - Det sitter tre fåglar på en gren, du har ett luftgevär och skjuter en, hur många sitter det då kvar? Olle tänkte och svarade: - Ingen! Fröken frågade hur han tänkte då.... Eine Lehrerin beschließt die Intelligenz ihrer Schüler zu testen. Sie fragt Fritzchen: Wenn auf einem Zaun zwei Vögel sitzen, und ich schieße zweimal, wie viele sind dann tot? Fritzchen: Einer. Die... Het is tijd voor de rekenles en de juffrouw vraagt aan Jantje: "Er zitten 6 vogels op een hek, een jager schier er 2 dood hoeveel vogels blijven er over?" "Geen één juffrouw, de anderen vliegen... Урок у школі. Вовочка дивиться у вікно і бачить, що у скверику сидять дві молоді жінки і їдять морозиво. Вовочка піднімає руку і каже: - Марія Іванна, можна запитання? Як ви думаєте, яка з цих... La maestra in aula: “Vi pongo un problema: sul ramo di un albero ci sono otto uccellini; arriva un cacciatore, spara e ne abbatte tre; quanti uccellini rimangono? Prova tu, Giuseppe”. E Giuseppe:... Der Lehrer stellt seinen Schülern eine Frage: Es sitzen 10 Spatzen auf dem Zaun, einen schieße ich ab. Wie viele bleiben? Alle Schüler rufen laut: „Keiner“ . Lehrer: „Richtig“. Schüler: „Dürfen wir... La maitresse interroge toto : - Il y a 3 oiseaux sur un fil, un chasseur en dégomme un, pan !  Combien en reste t il ? - zéro ! repond toto. - Pourquoi dit la maîtresse ? - Parce qu'avec le bruit... Kadın matematik öğretmeni dersinde öğrencilere sorar: - Bir ağacın dalında 7 tane kuş var. Bir taş attım, iki tanesini vurdum. Geriye kaç tane kuş kalır? Bir öğrenci parmak kaldırır ve cevap verir:... Matematika óra. A tanárnő kérdezi a gyerekeket: - Gyerekek! Három veréb ül a villanydróton. Ha az egyiket lelőjük, hány veréb marad a fán? Pistike jelentkezik. - Szerintem egy sem. - Miért nem,... Matekórán a tanárnő feltesz az osztálynak egy kérdést: - Gyerekek, mi történik, ha ül 3 galamb a fán és lelövünk onnan egyet? Pistike majd kiesik a padból úgy jelentkezik, tanárnő fel is szólítja:... Pani w szkole pyta dzieci: - Dzieci, kim chcecie być w przyszłości? Mariola się zgłasza i mówi: - No ja to bym chciała być lekarzem. - A Ty Jasiu? - pyta pani. - Pani profesor - odpowiada Jaś - ja... Læreren: Der sidder 4 fugle på en gren i et træ. Så kommer der en jæger og skyder den ene. Hvor mange er der så tilbage? Peter: Ingen, for de andre flyver væk. Læreren: Nu har vi altså matematik,... La ora de matematica invatatoarea ii intreaba pe copii: - Trei vrabii stau pe o craca. Pe una o impuscam. Cite ramin atunci pe craca? - Nici una, pentru ca celalalte isi iau zborul. - Matematic nu... Toto à l’école écoute avec attention le problème posé par la maîtresse : - « Trois oiseaux sont posés sur un fil, un chasseur tire avec son fusil et en tue 2. Combien en reste-t-il ? » Toto, sûr de... La maestra: Bambini oggi faremo un esercizio di matematica. - Su di un albero ci sono 10 uccelli; arriva il cacciatore e ne ammazza uno. Quanti uccelli rimangono? Pierino: - Nessuno signora... Matek óran a tanítónéni a következő feladatot adja a gyerekeknek : - Van három bagoly az ágon, jön a vadász lelő egyet hány marad? Móricka esik ki a padból úgy jelentkezik, a tanitónéni... Hodina. Učitelka: „Tak, děti, každý z vás má nějakého koníčka, třeba něco sbíráte. Co sbíráte, děti?” Děti: „Já, prosím, ubrousky.” „Já angličáky.” „Já tácky od piva.” „Já primeráky.” Pepíček: „Já... Ο Τοτός ήταν στο σχολείο και η δασκάλα έκανε μαθηματικά. Ρωτάει η δασκάλα την Ελενίτσα: - « Ελενίτσα αν κάθονται τρία πουλάκια στο δέντρο και ρίξεις μια πέτρα στο ένα πόσα θα σου μείνουν? Δυο... Im Mathe-Unterricht fragt die Lehrerin den kleinen Otto: "Otto, drei Tauben sitzen auf einer Mauer, eine fliegt weg, wieviele Tauben sitzen denn dann noch auf der Mauer?" Otto antwortet: "Keine... Skolotāja jautā Pēterītim: - Uz koka sēž 5 vārnas, mednieks nošauj 2, cik vārnu paliek? - Neviena, jo visas izbijās no šāviena trokšņa! - Nu, īstenībā palika 3, bet man patīk tavs domu gājiens....
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