School jokes, Teacher Jokes

The population of America is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 20 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing TERRORISTS !!
Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your аss,
At your computer, reading jokes..

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On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the classroom asked,
"How will that help?"

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

At school, this class was having a small quiz contest based on general knowledge. The teacher asked a boy from the read team a riddle."What am I? I am long on men, short on boys, and hairy." The boy blushed. "Miss, I'm too shy to say it..."
"Oh come on! Just say it, it's not even embarrassing!" Replied the teacher.
"Okay.... It's... A реnis.." Said the boy.
The teacher slaps him. "Idiот! It's a hand!"
The whole class laughs.

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

My son came into the living room really sad and said, “dad, school is so difficult, I fell like I’m not getting anywhere.”
“Son” I said, “you have to work hard for everything in this life. Nothing is just handed to you and unfortunately thats the way it is. Now if you don’t mind, there about to call out the lotto numbers.”

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.

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School Jokes Life Jokes

A high school student is in the counselor’s office. “So tell me, what things interest you?
“I’d like to cut people open and run my fingers through their liver and heart!”
The counselor chuckle and after a long pause says, “Well, I guess that means you’ll either be a surgeon or psychotic killer. Tell me more about yourself.” The student paused for a minute and said; “Well, to start with, I’m never wrong.” “Other people adore me and do exactly as I say…or if they don’t, they should.” The counselor smiles and says; “Surgeon it is!”

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her
Five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy
Father and thy mother," she asked,
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy answered:
"Thou shall not кill."

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School Jokes

We need to stop teaching our children to sing the alphabet.
It took me 5 years to realise that ‘Elemeno’ wasn’t a letter.

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School Jokes

Bully: You're ugly, Why do you even bother coming to school.
You: I'm sorry i don't wake up every morning just to impress you.

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School Jokes Insult Jokes

I see that in the US they’re complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the American way… but, honestly, what are the chances of a соw enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?

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School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

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School Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A college coach had recruited a top talent, but the player couldn't pass the school's entrance exam. Needing the recruit badly, the coach went to the dean and asked if the recruit could take the test оrаlly. The dean agreed, and the following day the recruit and the coach were seated in his office.
"Okay," the dean said. "What is seven times seven?"
The recruit mulled it over for a moment, then said,
"I think it's 49."
Suddenly the coach leapt to his feet. "Please, Dean," he begged, "give him another chance!"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

What do you call a stoner who is completing their PhD?
A Hypothesis

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School Jokes

I bumped into an old school friend today.
He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car.
Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
I said, “If you think she’s gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend.”
He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?”
I said, “No, she’s an optician.”
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Sports Jokes School Jokes Friendship Jokes

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.

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School Jokes

In high school, two boys, two friends (one Spanish and one American), were talking about the grades they received in their classes.
American boy:
"You got an F in Spanish! How could that happen? Spanish is what you speak at home and stuff."
Spanish boy:
"Probably the same way you got an F in English."

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School Jokes Friendship Jokes

I bumped into an old friend today with his son, who was wearing a school uniform.
I said to his son, “Wow, look how big you are getting. What year are you in?”
He said, “2015, like everyone else.”

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School Jokes Masturbation jokes Friendship Jokes

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by 2 female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the sporting industry, but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the gents when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinаl. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their trousers, and began lifting the little boys up one by one, and held onto their ‘john thomases’ to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, ‘You must be in the 4th.’ ‘No, ma’am,’ he replied, ‘I’m in the 7th, riding Silver Arrow, but thanks for the lift.’

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Jokes about Women Sports Jokes School Jokes

“I know we’ve been married 40 years now, but tonight I’d like you to pretend to be a 13 year old schoolgirl.”
“Ewww you’re disgusting, get the fuск away from me you filthy pervert!”
“That’s the spirit, love.”

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

As part of a school project on cultural diversity, my son invited a local Korean family around for dinner.
The school reckons it’s the first case of the homework eating the dog they’ve ever come across.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes