School jokes, Teacher Jokes

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by 2 female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the sporting industry, but mostly to see the horses. When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the gents when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinаl. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their trousers, and began lifting the little boys up one by one, and held onto their ‘john thomases’ to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, ‘You must be in the 4th.’ ‘No, ma’am,’ he replied, ‘I’m in the 7th, riding Silver Arrow, but thanks for the lift.’

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“I know we’ve been married 40 years now, but tonight I’d like you to pretend to be a 13 year old schoolgirl.”
“Ewww you’re disgusting, get the fuск away from me you filthy pervert!”
“That’s the spirit, love.”

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

As part of a school project on cultural diversity, my son invited a local Korean family around for dinner.
The school reckons it’s the first case of the homework eating the dog they’ve ever come across.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Teacher: why is there a cat in here?
Kid: Beacuse I heard my daddy say to my mummy I'm going to eat that рussy when the kids are at school, so I'm saving him.
Teacher: ...

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

There was a man sitting at a bar, and he looks over at the gentleman sitting next to him and says,
"Hey, you look familiar.
Are you from around here?" The man answers, "Yeah, I live down the street."
"No kidding?" says the first man, "Well, so do I. And hey, you look about my age. Where did you go to high school?"
"Oh I went to Francis Lewis over on Utopia. Graduated in '66.
How 'bout you?"
"Get out. I went to Francis Lewis. And I graduated in '66, too."
"Where'd you go to college?"
"Beloit, in Wisconsin."
"No way! I went to Beloit too. What dorm?"
"Kevin Sullivan dorm."
"Sullivan? You're not going to believe this . . ."
Joe the bartender walks over, and the first guy says,
"Joe, you won't believe it in a million years. This guy went to the same
High school as me, graduated the same year I did, and went to the same college. We were even in the same dorm. Isn't that amazing?"
Joe looks at them both and says,
"Yeah, that's just plain amazing."
A third man comes in and says,
"Hey Joe. What's new?" Joe says,
"Not much. The Johnson twins are drunк again."

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School Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech. After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is? “Bob”.
“And what is your question, Bob?”
“I have 3 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the веll rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, “OK, where were we? Oh that’s right - question time. Who has a question?”
A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is?
Steve”
“And what is your question, Steve?”
“I have 5 questions.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you President when Kerry got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden? Fourth, why did the recess веll go 20 minutes early?! And fifth, Where is “Bob”?!!

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School Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes USA Jokes

It’s the first day of school and the teacher thought she’d get to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father does for a living.
The first little girl says:
“My name is Mary and my daddy is a postman.”
The next little boy says:
“I’m Andy and my Dad is a mechanic.”
Then one little boy says:
“My name is Jimmy and my father is a loser who prefers to lay on the couch all day and watch TV, while Mom goes off to work to support us.”
The teacher gasps and quickly changes the subject, but later in the schoolyard the teacher approaches Jimmy privately and asks if it was really true what he had said about his father.
He blushed and said, “I’m sorry but my dad plays hockey for Team USA, and I was just too embarrassed to say so.”

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Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes USA Jokes Dad Jokes

John and Mary had been high school sweethearts,but they had never had sеx.
“We will wait until we get married,”Mary insisted.
So john waited,and waited,and waited. Finally,after three years of engagement,they got married.
On their wedding night,Mary comes out of the bathroom and says”I have some bad news,I’m on my period and I don’t want our first time to be вlооdy.”
“You have got to be fсuкing joking!”screamed John.
“Look,I’m sorry,”said Mary,”but we will have to wait a bit longer.”
Mary then got into bed and went to sleep. At about 3am,Mary woke,got up to get a drink and when she got back to bed,she noticed John was wide awake,just glaring at the ceiling.
“It’s no use John,it’s just not going to happen,so you might as well go back to sleep.”said Mary.
“I wish I could!”replied John,”but my соск is so fсuкing swollen and hard that there’s not enough fсuкing skin left to close my eyes with!!!”

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School Jokes News and Politics Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

Student Report Cards …..
…..
Here are a dozen real comments made by teachers on their student report cards. … All twelve are screamers!

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School Jokes

A university student named Jesse was taking a psychology course. Throughout the semester he was not doing very well on his exams and papers.
It came time for finals and he studied very hard, knowing that it would be a one question test. To receive a good grade on the test the students had to write everything they knew on the test subject. The day came for the test and the students, especially Jesse, were very nervous.
The professor came in and started the test, which consisted of one question:
"What is it to be courageous?"
All of the students started writing frantically. Jesse sat there for a while and simply wrote:
"This is being courageous." He then turned in his test.
Jesse received the only A in the class.

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School Jokes

There's a French guy, an Italian guy, an Brit gentleman and a Croatian guy.
The French guy flies to Paris. On his way, he drops a croissant.
Then at Paris airport he sees a kid crying. He asks
"Why are you crying?"
The kid replies "Someone dropped a croisssant on my head!"
Next the Italian guy flies to Rome. On the way down he drops a pizza.
At Roma airport he sees a kid crying.
He asks "Why are you crying?" The kid replies
"Someone dropped a pizza on my head!"
Then the Brit guy flies to London.
On the way he drops a plate of fish and сhiрs.
Then at London Heathrow airport he sees a kid crying.
He asks "Why are you crying?"
The boy replies "Someone dropped a plate of fish and сhiрs on my head!"
Finally the Croatian guy flies to Zagreb.
On the way he drops a bomb
In town he sees a kid laughing, next to a destroyed school.
The guy asks"Why are you laughing?"
The kid replies " I farted and the whole school exploded!

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

It makes me wonder whether or not there are some old school pedophiles who don't have computers, and they sit around and tell the new pedophiles how easy they got it. 'You know, when I was a young man, there was no Internet. You wanted to meet an eighth grade boy, you put on a clown suit and tracked them down at birthday parties. You couldn't e-mail them like today, you lazy ваsтаrds. And if you wanted to see a picture of a man having sеx with a squirrel, well let me just tell you something -- you couldn't just download it, you had to take the picture yourself.'

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Internet Jokes

I told my girlfriend I love the schoolgirl fantasy.
So, on my birthday, she came into the room in a tartan skirt, white stockings and a tight unbuttoned shirt.
As she tried to sеduсе me, I stopped her and said, “Seriously: it’s my fuскing birthday and you can’t even find me a real schoolgirl?”

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School Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

I hate it when I see an OLD person and then realize we went to school together.

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School Jokes Old People Jokes

Why didn’t anyone take the school bus to school?
I wouldn’t fit through the door.

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School Jokes One-Liner Jokes

As a kid, parent-teacher conferences were embarrassing and awkward for me and my parents. My teacher made my parents write on the blackboard one hundred times, "We will not have any more children."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

Down here on the school track, a man has been shot with a starting pistol… …
…
The police are pretty sure it’s race related.

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Sports Jokes School Jokes Men jokes Police Officer Jokes

A high school girl, seated next to a famous astronomer at a dinner party, struck up a conversation with him by asking, “What do you do in life?”
He replied, “I study astronomy.”
“Dear me,” said the girl. “I finished astronomy last year.”

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School Jokes

When I was at school there were no laptops, tablets, i phones or anything else like that.
We had to get by with just stealing tiffin money.

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School Jokes Money jokes Criminal Jokes

This little boy was walking to school when he found a frog. He picked the frog up and went to school. When he got to school, he sat the frog up on his desk and his teacher freaked out. "What is that?????” she asked him. "It's a deaf frog, Ma'am", answered the little boy. "What, what, what??? How do you know it is a deaf frog???” screamed the teacher. "I рissеd in his ear and he didn't move", said the boy truthfully. "What, what, what, what do you mean you рissеd in his ear and he didn't move????” she asked in an outrage. "Just like I said, I leaned over, I went PSSSSTTTT, in his ear and he didn't move!"

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School Jokes Animal Jokes