Sex Jokes - Page 116

Me and my buddy were маsтurватing to some hаrdсоrе dinosaur роrnоgrарhy.
Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.

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Sex Jokes

I love оrаl sеx... it's the phone bill I hate.

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Sex Jokes

A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to find the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing. …
…
“A magic potion” she replies. …
….
“Well what is it for?” he asks.
“This potion will make anyone an excellent golfer.”
At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his sеx life.
After a short period of soul searching, he decides to try the potion. He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game of golf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. He spends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at every course he manages to get to and has a wonderful time of it. After a year he finds himself back at the same course where he found the witch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talk to her.
“Well”, she asks, “How has your game been?”
“Great! This has been the best year of my life. I have played all over the country and never lost a game.”
“And how about your sеx life?”
“Oh, not bad.”
“Really? This stuff can really ruin a guy’s sеx life. Say, how many times did you have sеx last year?”
“Hmmmm, it was three, no, four times.”
“And you call that not bad?”
“Not for a priest with a small parish.”

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Most women would be happy to be woken up on their birthday with breakfast in bed, flowers and 20 minutes of great оrаl sеx!
But Oh no! Not my sister!

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up the young couple who lived there. They had been sleeping so he just tied them to the bed.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his wife, bound up on the bed in her skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't been with a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sеx with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
She hissed and spit out her gag and said,
"I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

My girlfriend always asks me to text her when I get in.
That’s how small my соск really is.

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Sex Jokes

Just thought you should know: Vibrators are causing quite the buzz in the bedroom.

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Sex Jokes

When my girlfriend said she wanted to have sеx I was really excited until I heard her singing in the shower, "I'm gonna put my diск in my boyfriends mouth."

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I walked into a florist today and said “I want a bunch of flowers for my wife.”
The cashier looked at me and said, “What are you after?”
I said, “Some sеx.”

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Calling out your ex-girlfriend’s name during sеx is a nice way to show your current girlfriend that you won’t forget her either after you leave her.

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I’ve managed to stop my wife from suскing her thumb….
I’ve had a tattoo of a соск put on it.

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Sex Jokes

At a local college there was a dance. A guy from America asked a girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing he gives her a little squeeze and says, “In America we call this a hug.”
She says, “Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too.”
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek and says, “In America we call this a kiss.”
She says, “Yaah, in Sweden we call it a kiss too.”
Later that evening after quite a few drinks, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to have sеx with her and says, “In America we call this a grass sandwich.”
She says, “Yaaah, in Sweden we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”

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So this man had a small реnis and he found this really hot girl, they liked each other very much but he didn't want her to know he had a small реnis.
For the past two years, they have sеx in the dark but one night she wanted to do it with the light on and she turned it on and saw the dildо.
Wife: explain the dildо!!
Husband: explain the kids!!

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Yo mama is so ugly when she tried to have sеx with a male рrоsтiтuте he told her “not on the first date”.

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After the Sundays game, Norman figured he better spend some quality time with his wife.
He climbs upstairs, walks in the bedroom and crawls into bed. “Alright honey,” he says, “Give me a play you want me to run.”
“How about Foreplay?” his wife replies.
“What’s the Four Play?” says Norman.
“You know,” the wife says, “It happens before the two minute warning.”

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Sex Jokes

When it comes to sеx, I like to refer to my wife as Circuit City because she has no interest until January of next year.

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I called my dog kiera knightley, so i can say i had sеx with her last night.

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What did the storm troopers girlfriend say after sеx?.........
"You missed."

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A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, “Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we’re going up to our room for a little while.”
Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes him up to peek into the bedroom.
“Before you look in there,” he says, “keep in mind this is the same woman who smacked our аssеs just for suскing our thumbs.”

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Q. Why is life like sеx?
A. Because you get out what you put in.

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