Sex Jokes - Page 49

Two bums are sitting talking.
The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever!
This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground.
So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fuскing one of them... had the best day ever."
The second вuм just laughs,
"That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks.
You know what I did?
I fuскеd her all day long."
The other вuм interrupts, "Bull!
You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life."
The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good вlоwjов?"
The other replies no.
"How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a вlоw job?"
To which the other replies,
"How could she? She didn't have a head!"

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The web isn’t better than sеx, but sliced bread is in serious trouble.

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Programmer Jokes Sex Jokes Computer Jokes

Broccoli is like аnаl sеx.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

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Gross Jokes Sex Jokes Anal Sex Jokes

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

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School Jokes Kids Jokes God Jokes Sex Jokes

Why do black women lose their hair at an early age?
From all of the hair pulling during rаре.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Old People Jokes

My girlfriend used to fake foreplay.
A man falls asleep on a beach and gets severe sunburn.
He’s rushed to hospital by his wife

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

A boy says to a girl:
"So, sеx at my place?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?"
Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!"
The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

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Sex Jokes

If you want to know why men are called the 'opposite sеx', express an opinion!

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an еrестiоn, don’t get an еrестiоn”… But she did.

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

After I have sеx, I like my woman like my mailbox. Outside my house!

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Sexist Jokes

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your раnтiеs!"
Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

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Sex Jokes

After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sеx with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sеx with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my вuтт still hurts."

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School Jokes News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Dad Jokes

This is the story about a little girl that didn't know what cursing or what sеx was. Two nights before thanksgiving, she heard her parents having sеx. Her father said:
"Oh honey, I love your luscious тiтs." Then her mother said:
"And I love your slim diск!" The next morning, the girl asked her father what "luscious тiтs" were. The father panicked. "It's a fine coat." He said. The little girl then asked her mother what a "slim diск" is. The mother panicked and said:
"It's a pair of boots." The next morning was thanksgiving, she walked past her father shaving in the bathroom. He cut him self and exclaimed:
"Oh, shiт!" The little girl asked what shiт meant. "I'm shaving right now, sweety" said her father. Then the girl went into the kitchen where her mother was cooking the turkey. She accidentally dropped it on the floor and said:
"Oh, f*ck!"
"What does fuск mean?" Asked the little girl. "I'm cooking the turkey right now, sweety." replied her mother. Then the door веll rang. Her mother told her to go open the door and welcome the thanksgiving guests. The little girl walked up, opened the door and said:
"Hello everyone! Hang up your luscious тiтs, drop your slim diскs, my dad's upstairs shiттing and my mum's f*cking the turkey."

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes Boob Jokes

Jane. ‘It didn’t work for us.’
‘Of course it wouldn’t,’ replies Mary.
‘You have to go alone.’

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Office and Work Jokes Sex Jokes

A businessman was flying on a plane surrounded by hundreds of kids.
A lady went and sat down next to him.
She asked, "Are these all your kids?"
The man replied, "No, I just work at a соndом factory, these are all the complaints".

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sex Jokes Business jokes Aviation Jokes

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”
The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”
“Yeah, that’s the one!”

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with...
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.

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Wife jokes Sex Jokes

A typical macho man married typical good-looking woman and, after the wedding, laid down the following rules:
''I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect dinner to be on the table unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?''
His new bride said, ''No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sеx here at 7 o'clock every night - whether you're here or not.''

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Wedding jokes

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!".
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

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Sex Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Men jokes

Q: What do KFC and рussy have in common?
A: Both are finger lickin' good and after you are done eating you have a box to put the воnе in.

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Boycott Jokes Sex Jokes