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Sexist Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
I came home today to find my washing machine had broken down and started to leak.
It’s that time of the fuскing month again.
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Sexist Jokes
My wife says ‘Strike when the iron’s hot’
I tell her ‘Iron when the iron’s hot’
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Sexist Jokes
It’s amazing how the muscle strength of a woman changes during the day…
In the morning she’s can’t even open a jar of marmalade, while at night it’s impossible to get a piece of the blanket…
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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes
It’s hard to be a woman - they have to think like a man, act like a lady, look like a young girl and work like a horse.
It’s easy to be a feminist - they don’t think like a man, don’t act like a lady, don’t look like a young girl and smell like a horse.
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sexist Jokes
I saw a woman trying to park her car in the Tesco car park today.
After a few minutes I went over and said, “Would you like me to do that for you?”
“No thanks,” she replied.
“Are you sure?” I asked, as I walked out with my shopping 45 minutes later.
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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes
Мъж влиза в църква и се насочва право към изповедалнята. Младеж се изповядва на свещеника: Старец влиза в изповедалнята и казва на свещеника: Incredible Confession в церковь заходит старик и обращается к священнику: - я бы хотел... приходит на исповедь пожилой человек. - отец мой, у меня не было... A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of them. Twice.” Ein Mann geht zur Beichte und sagt zum Priester: "Vater, ich bin 80 Jahre alt, verheiratet, habe vier Kinder und elf Enkelkinder, und letzte Nacht hatte ich eine Affäre mit zwei 18-jährigen Mädchen. Ich hatte Sex mit beiden...zweimal!" Darauf der Priester: "Also, mein Sohn, wann warst Du das... Un anciano entra a la iglesia, y al dirigirse al confesionario le dice al cura: - Padre, yo tengo 82 años, soy casado, tengo 5 hijos y 12 nietos. Pero ayer tuve una aventura con dos ardientes muchachas de 20 años. Le hice el amor dos veces a cada... Un hombre de 80 años entró en el confesionario y le dijo al sacerdote lo siguiente: "Padre, yo soy un hombre de 80 años, estoy casado, tengo 4 hijos y 11 nietos. Anoche tuve un romance con dos... A very old man went to a church, making this confession: - Father, I am 78 years old, I have been married for 40 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I had sex... На сповіді: — Пасторе, я згрішив. Моя дружина поїхала на вихідні в село, а я... зрадив їй з іншою. — Скільки разів? — Скільки разів! Та послухайте, пасторе, я ж прийшов сповідатися, а не хизуватися! A gyóntatófülkében egy öregember ezt mondja a papnak: - 92 éves vagyok. Csodás feleségem van, aki 70 éves. Gyerekeim, unokáim, dédunokáim vannak. Tegnap három stoppos tinédzserlányt vittem az... Un anciano entra al confesionario y dice al cura: - Padre, tengo 80 años, estoy casado, tengo cuatro hijos y 11 nietos, y anoche tuve una aventura. Hice el amor a dos chicas de 21 años. ¡A las dos.... O blonda la spovedanie: - Parinte am preacurvit. -De cite ori fica mea.......? - Parinte am venit sa ma spovedesc, nu sa ma laud! Kahdeksankymmentä ja kuolemavälillä oleva tutajava ukkeli käppäilee katoliseen kirkkoon tunnustamaan syntinsä: - Isä, olen 82-vuotta, naimisissa olen ollut yli 40 vuotta. Koko tämän ajan olen ollut... An old man bursts into a priest's study and says, " I've got to tell you this. I'm 50 years old and for the thirty years I've been married I never cheated on my wife. Then this sweet thing moved in... Yaşlı bir adam kiliseye girer ve günah çıkarma kabinine yerleşir. Pederle aralarında aşağıdaki konuşma geçer: Adam: “92 yasımdayım, 70 yaşında harika bir karim, birçok çocuğum, Torunum ve onların... Um senhor de 60 anos entra no confissionário e vai falando pro padre: — Padre, comi uma garota de 16 anos! O padre então, manda ele rezar 10 padre-nossos e 10 ave-Marias. — Mas padre, toda vez q eu... Um velho foi se confessar: — Padre, eu tenho 80 anos, tenho 5 filhos e 11 netos. Ontem eu transei com duas moças de 18 anos, com as duas juntas e duas vezes! — Oh, meu filho! Quando foi a última... Wchodzi staruszek do konfesjonału i nawija: - Mam 92 lata. Mam wspaniałą żonę, która ma 70 lat. Mam dzieci, wnuki i prawnuki. Wczoraj podwoziłem samochodem trzy nastolatki, zatrzymaliśmy się w... Stařec vejde do zpovědnice: „Otče, je mi osmdesát, jsem šedesát let ženat, mám čtyři děti, šestnáct vnoučat a asi šedesát pravnoučat, takže bych měl mít už rozum. Ale včera, co se mi stalo - pařil...
An elderly man walked into a confessional booth. The following conversation ensued:
Man:
“I am 82 years old, and have a wonderful wife of 60 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. For some reason, they thought I was kind of interesting. One thing led to another, and we ended up at a motel, where I had sеx with each of them twice.”
Priest:
“Are you sorry for your sins?”
Man:
“What sins?”
Priest:
“What kind of a Catholic are you?”
Man:
“I’m Jewish.”
Priest:
“Why are you telling me all this?”
Man:
“I’m telling everybody.”
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Men jokes Sex Jokes Sexist Jokes Priest Jokes
It’s not difficult. To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a реsт exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
Without forgetting to:
44. Give her compliments regularly.
45. Love shopping.
46. Be honest.
47. Be very rich.
48. Not stress her out.
49. Not look at other girls.
And at the same time, you must also:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself.
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself.
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes.
53. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT to never forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
=========================================
How to make a man happy
1. Feed him.
2. Fсuк him.
3. Shut the fсuк up.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Friendship Jokes Sexist Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes Gynecology Jokes
If a tree falls on a woman and there’s nobody around to hear it, then why was there a tree in the kitchen?
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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes
RIP King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. The newsreader said women can’t drive in your country.
To be fair, they can’t drive here either.
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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes
A study has shown that women are better at driving in the fog than men…
Of course they are, they’re used to not looking where they’re going.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes
Why do most homes have a window above the kitchen sink?
It gives women a point of view.
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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes
Why are women's feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink while washing dishes.
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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes
Wimbledon trophies on show this today.
A huge gold cup for the men to drink вееr from and a big silver plate for the ladies to fill with sandwiches…
For the men.
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Men jokes Sexist Jokes Beer Jokes
It’s impossible for women to be more intelligent than men because, where men have their brains, they just have a gaping hole!
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes
Scientists have just announced today that Dolphins are second to man in intelligence levels.
So that pushes women down to third place.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes
Every woman’s magazine:
Page 8: Accept yourself for who you are
Page 15: How to lose 2 stone in a week
Page 16: Best cake recipe
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Jokes about Women Sexist Jokes
Two women apply for the same office job.
One is straight out of university and has a degree in business and the other one has been doing the same job for a different company for three years and has a wealth of knowledge and experience. Which one gets the job?
The one with the biggest тiтs, of course.
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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Sexist Jokes Boob Jokes
I never tip waitresses, only waiters.
I’m sick of giving money to women for doing what’s expected.
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Jokes about Women Money jokes Sexist Jokes
Women are always saying how men judge a girl based on looks. That’s actually true.
Since all women are fuскing crazy you might as well go for the fit ones.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes
Man cannot live on bread alone.
Man needs woman to bake bread.
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Jokes about Women Men jokes Sexist Jokes
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