Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

Two old women were talking about their sеx lives.
Ethel was upset because her sеx life had really died, while Mildred said her sеx life was great.
Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head.
When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sеx the rest of the night."
Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight."
While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes.
She struggled to get both legs behind her head.
After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move.
Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face.
"For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."

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A child walks into a whоrе house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him.
He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have.
She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.”
The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.”
She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.”
The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have.
A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments.
As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way.
Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind.
As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him.
“Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for?
Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain.
“I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Вiтсh who ran over my pet frog.”

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Dad Jokes Jokes about Women Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes Grandparent Jokes

When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.

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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes

The phrase "I am become death, destroyer of worlds" was actually first coined by Chuck Norris when he came out of the wомв.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

If you want to commit suicide, all you need to do is say,"Chuck Norris is a loser."

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Chuck Norris' beard can etch a sketch a picture of chuck killing a man.
When the last line is drawn, that man dies!

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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

When Chuck Norris jumps from a building, the concrete commits suicide.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

When Death knocked on Chuck Norris’s door, Chuck Norris laughed.
Death is now Chuck Norris’s B*tch.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Ghosts are created when Chuck Norris kills people to fast for the grim reaper to prosses.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Betty and Tim die in a car accident on the eve of their wedding. In Heaven, they ask St. Peter if they can still be married.
"Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."
Six months pass and Peter returns. "Yes, we can do this for you."
The couple asks, "Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possibility that we can be divorced?"
To which St. Peter answers, "It took me six months to find a priest up here - how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Wedding jokes Lawyer Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Priest Jokes

A man cheats on his girlfriend Lorraine with a woman named Clearly. Lorraine dies suddenly. At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

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Men vs Women Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Music and Musician Jokes Funeral jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Don't let worry кill you - let the church help.

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Atheist Jokes Church jokes Sick and Death Jokes

First man:
"I follow the medical profession."
Second man:
"Are you a doctor?"
First man:
"No, I'm an undertaker."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Black preacher is driving home from church and sees the white preacher walking down the road.
He reluctantly pulls over to offer him a ride.
A short distance along the way the whit guy says " you people don't actually think Jesus was black do you?"
"And what makes think he's not?"
The black pastor snaps back.
The conversation becomes so heated less than needed attention was paid to the road and both men died in a trgic head on collision.
When st. Peter opened the pearly gates to heaven before them, there stood Jesus Сhrisт himself.
He spread his arms slowly in a welcoming gesture and said "Buenos dias amigos!"

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Saint Peter and Pearly Gates Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Church jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Black People Jokes

Q: How does an English man know that his wife has died?
A: Sеx is still the same but the dishes are stacked in the sink.

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: Why did the mathbook кill himself?
A: Because nobody understood him.

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Sick and Death Jokes Math Jokes

At the scene of a terrible road accident, a guy is laying sprawled out on the road, seemingly stone dead.
The rescue workers are all around him, but can do nothing to resuscitate him.
Suddenly, a young woman in a short miniskirt forces her way through the crowd.
"Let me at him, I can help him," she says.
"What can you do?" ask the rescue people.
"We've tried everything to revive him, and it's too late."
"I can," says the woman. "Stand back!"
And she promptly takes off her раnтiеs, and crouches with her crotch over the man's face.
Suddenly, the man coughs, splutters, and sits up.
"What did you do?" ask the rescue people, amazed.
The woman says, "Blood Transfusion."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Sylvester Stallone's son was found dead.
I guess we have a good plot for the next Rambo movie now.

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Dark Humor Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in bottles?
A: Because his wife died.

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Dark Humor Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Chuck Norris actually died a while back.
Death just can't get the nerve to tell him.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes