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A few clues to being a true Louisianan:
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.
3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.
4. You measure distance in minutes.
5. You know several people who have hit a deer.
6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
8. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.
12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it,
no matter what time of the year.
13. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
grain, or animal.
15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, вееr, and Jell-O
salad with marshmallows.
17. You carry jumper cables in your car.
18. You know what "соw tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
20. You think everyone from a вiggеr city has an accent.
21. You think sеxy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
22. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
23. You think that deer season is a national holiday.
24. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."
25. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and
Christmas.
26. You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern
Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.
27. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.
28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo
weather.
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A 16-year-old boy who works part-time job pulls into his parent's driveway in a Porsche. Naturally, his mom and dad know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to own such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad scream in unison.
He calmly tells them, “I bought it today.”
“With what money?” his mom demands. “We know what a Porsche costs.”
“Well,” says the boy, “This one cost me fifteen dollars.”
At this point, naturally, the parents start yelling even louder. “Who on earth would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?!”
“The lady up the street,” the boy replies, shrugging. “I don’t know her name-she just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars.”
“Oh my gosh,” the mom moans.
The boy’s father and mother rush over to their new neighbor’s house, ready to break down her door and demand an explanation. Curiously, their new neighbor is calmly planting petunias.
“I’m the father of the kid you just sold a sports car to for $15,” the dad says. “I need an explanation from you - ASAP!”
“Well,” the neighbor says, not looking up from her garden. “This morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn’t intend to come back.”
“What on earth does that have to do with selling our son a Porsche for $15?” The boy’s mom asks - utterly perplexed.
The new neighbor smiles, and pauses for a minute. “Well, my husband asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did.”
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