Sports Jokes - Page 36

A woman calls a clinic and says she hasn't been able to sleep because her dog snores too loudly.
The doctor told her to tie a ribbon around his ваlls and he will shutup. The woman goes to her bedroom and sees her dog lieing on the floor snoring. She gets a red ribbon and ties it around his ваlls. The dog stops snoring. The woman goes to sleep.
After a while, her husband comes home drunк. He lays in bed and falls fast asleep. He starts to snore loudly so the woman gets a blue ribbon and ties it around his ваlls. The next morning the woman gets up and goes to work. The man wakes up and sees the blue ribbon on his ваlls. Then he looks down at the dog and sees the red ribbon around his ваlls. The guy says to the dog, ''I don't know what we did lasst night, but we got first and second place!'''

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Did you know that Mike Tyson is to appear in the next Batman movie?
He's the Nibbler!

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Sports Jokes Superhero Jokes

Mike Tyson finally apologized to Holyfield for biting off his ear.
He said, "Believe it or not, I have learned many things about how to behave in society while I was in jail. So I would like to apologize to Mr. Holyfield for biting his ear in such a beastly way. Next time I promise to use a knife and fork."

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Sports Jokes

One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce. The judge decided that baby bear was going to live with mama bear. Baby bear started to cry . "Whats wrong?" the judge asked baby bear.
"I dont want to live with mama bear, she abuses me!" said baby bear.
"Then, you can live with papa bear" said the judge. Baby bear started to cry even harder the judge asked him, "Whats wrong?"
Baby bear replied, " I dont want to live with papa bear he abuses me even more than mama bear does."
"Then who do you want to live with?" asked the judge. Baby bear replied, "I want to live with the Baylor Bears, because they don't beat anyone!"

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Sports Jokes

Jоск Воотy Call... Unnecessary:
Hey ваве, I hear you're into unnecessary roughness. High five!

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Sports Jokes Dirty jokes

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"

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Sports Jokes Men jokes

How Golf is like Urinating in a Public Restroom:
10. Keep your back straight, knees веnт, feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick backswing.
6. Stay out of the water.
5. Try not to hit anybody.
4. If you are taking too long, you should let others go ahead of you.
3. You shouldn't stand directly in front of others.
2. Be quiet while others are about to go.
1. Keep strokes to a minimum.

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Sports Jokes

What's the difference between sеx and golf?
In golf, a bad hole won't кill you!

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Sports Jokes

Viаgrа Slogans:
10. The quicker picker upper!
9. One a day, like iron!
8. Get a piece of the rock!
7. You've come a long way, baby!
6. It plumps when you take 'em!
5. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!
4. Tastes great, more filling!
3. Viаgrа, built ram tough!
2. Here's the beef! And the number one slogan being considered by Viаgrа:
1. Just do her! Some honorable mentions: **We work harder, so you don't have to **Ten inches long...and growing! **Viаgrа, when it absolutely positively has to be there tonight! **Viаgrа, home of the Whopper! **Viаgrа now is a great time to be silver. **This is your реnis. This is your реnis on Viаgrа. Any questions?

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Sports Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Viagra jokes

What do a hockey player and a magician have in common?
Hat tricks.

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Sports Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a Ford and a golf ball?
A: You can drive a golf ball 200 yards.

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Sports Jokes Political Jokes

If you have a Virginia Tech football player and a UVA Foootball player in the same car at the same time, who drives?
The state trooper!!"

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Sports Jokes

It's the first day of school, and the teacher announces to the class that they will learn to speak like grownups this year. To demonstrate, she asks the kids what they did this summer. The first child says, "I went on a choo-choo train ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a train ride." The second child says "I went on a tug-tug boat ride."
"No," the teacher says, "you went on a boat ride." The third child says, full of pride, "I read a book."
"Which one?" asks the teacher. "Winnie-the-S**t!"

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Sports Jokes School Jokes

A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher and a rabbi fish in a lake. The preacher has to use the bathroom, so he walks across the water, does his business and walks back. Then the rabbi has to go, so he walks across the water, does his business and walks back.
The Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water. He swims back, gets back into the boat, and says, "God, let me walk across the water." He tries again and falls into the water, swims back, tries again and falls again.
The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and asks, "Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?"

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Sports Jokes Priest Jokes

Did you hear about the blonde who got a pair of waterskis?
She's still looking for a lake with a slоре!!

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Sports Jokes Blonde Jokes

6.
Both are made out of plastic.5. Both are full of hot air.4. Both are frequently passed from man to man. 3. Both have been known to score.2. Both are often handled by hot, sweaty guys on television.1. Women aren't especially fond of them.

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Sports Jokes

On the day of the Royal Wedding, Sofia was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realized she had forgotten to get any shoes.
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sofia for the day. Unfortunately, they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Sofia's feet were in agony. When she and Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward say ''God, that was tight.''
''There,'' whispered the Queen. ''I told you she was a virgin.''
Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say. ''Right. Now for the other one.'' Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said ''My God. That was even tighter.''
''That's my boy,'' said the Duke. ''Once a sailor, always a sailor.''

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Sports Jokes Sailor Jokes

Little Jimmy had become a real nuisance while the men tried to concentrate on their Saturday afternoon poker game.
His father tried in every way he could to get Jimmy to occupy himself, but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held. The players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Jimmy by the hand, and led him out of the room.
The uncle returned in a short time without Jimmy and without comment, and the game resumed. For the balance of the afternoon, there was no trouble from Jimmy. After the game ended and the players were settling their wins and losses, one of the men asked Jimmy's uncle, "What in the world did you do to Jimmy?"
"Not much," the boy's uncle replied. "I told him how to jеrк off."

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Sports Jokes

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No ideer (no eye deer with southern twang - in case you didn't catch that)
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no ideer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs and no ваlls?
Still no fuскin' ideer!

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Sports Jokes

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a fishing boat one whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, вlоw water from our blowholes and capsize the boat, for a laugh''.
They proceed to do this and swim back down laughing their flippers off.
Then the first whale says, ''I have an even better idea, now that the fishermen are in the water, why don't we swim back up and eat a few?''
The other whale then replies ''Look mate I don't mind the odd вlоw job but I refuse to swallow sеамеn!!!!''

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Sports Jokes