Jokes about Women

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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could barely see over the dashboard. Cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought, "I must be losing my mind. I swear we just went through a red light."
A few minutes later, they came to another intersection, and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. This time, the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was mistaken. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the next intersection to see what was going on.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and yet they went right through. She turned to the woman driving and said,
"Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"
Mildred turned to her and said,
"Oh, am I driving?"
Jokes about Women Old People Jokes
An elderly lady decided she wanted the inside of her home painted so she looked in the newspaper and found an ad that said "No indoor house painting to small or large, call us right away!". The lady gave the man a call and the next day he came to her house.
The woman showed him the bedroom and said she wanted it painted light blue. He measured the room, wrote down the color, then he went to the front door and yelled out, "Green side up!"
Then they went to the kitchen and she asked for a light yellow color. The man wrote it down, went to the front door and again yelled, "Green side up!"
This went on for two other rooms with the man always going to the door and yelling "green side up" after they were done getting everything on paper. The woman asked the man how come after every room was finished he would go the front door and yell?
The man laughed and told her that he also does landscaping and that he had just hired three idiots to lay sоd across the street.
Jokes about Women Men jokes
A man and his wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big passionate kiss, says she’ll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, ‘Who the hеll was that?’
‘Oh,’ replies the husband, ‘that’s my mistress.’
‘Well, that’s the last straw,’ says the wife. ‘I’ve had enough, I want a divorce.’
‘I can understand that,’ replies her husband, ‘but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don’t get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus’s in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.’
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous ваве on his arm.
‘Who’s that woman with Jim?’ asks the wife.
‘That’s his mistress,’ says her husband.
‘Ours is much prettier,’ she replies.
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,……….
‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’
‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,…… let’s pretend that we’re married.’
‘Wow!…………………. That’s a great idea!’, he exclaimed.
‘Good,’ she replied. ………….’Get your own f***ing blanket.’
After a moment of silence, …………………. He farted.
Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes
Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Blonde Jokes
A guy ends up with an older woman at a bar last. She looked pretty good for a 55-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all and he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
They drank a couple of beers and she asked if he’d ever had a “Sportsman’s Double”?
“What’s that?” the guy asked. “It’s a mother and daughter тhrееsоме.” she said.
As the guy’s mind began to embrace the idea and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, “No, I haven’t.”
They drank a bit more,then she said with a wink, “tonight’s your lucky night.”
They hopped into a taxi and went back to her place.
When they arrived back at her place and they walked into the front door, she turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs “Mom… you still awake?”
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